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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
silverbuckle · 21/07/2023 23:55

I completely disagree with doing nothing. What a waste.

If I were a parent in your class I would be mortified about this and want to put it right.

Nicely contacting the organising parent to say you are allergic to nuts and wonder if you might be able to swap for something nut free surely can't offend anyone?

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 23:57

Please ask for the receipt. I'd be mortified if my contribution to a larger present had been pointless.

Who on earth would be offended by someone saying "I'm ever so sorry, I'm allergic to nuts..id be so grateful if you have the receipt so I could exchange for an alternative."

Ignoring hypotheticals, is there anyone on this thread that wants to put their hands up and say, yes, if this person said they were allergic to my gift, I personally would be offended?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/07/2023 00:06

M&S have given me a credit note when clothes didn't fit and had no receipt. I'd try that first.

Princesspeach99 · 22/07/2023 00:07

Can’t believe the mirror posting this

AIBU end of term present
Rycbar · 22/07/2023 00:13

I’m a reception teacher too and I’ve just received a lot of bottles of wine. I don’t drink wine but I just smile, say thank you then regift them! It’s the thought that counts to me, I wouldn’t dream of turning round and saying sorry I don’t drink wine. I understand where you’re coming from but I would probably just leave it.

angelfacecuti75 · 22/07/2023 00:14

Sell it on ebay of the stuff is non perishable?

stichguru · 22/07/2023 00:14

Yes don't give it back that would be very rude. I'm sorry that they bought you something that you couldn't use, and it seems thoughtless to have bought you expensive food without checking what you like or can have.

"I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food." Maybe try and sell it on to someone? While I'm sorry that you are struggling financially, I presume you aren't rude enough to ask the parents for £75 pounds worth of food. Therefore, while I can see it's tantalising, it's ok not have the gift you weren't expecting, move on.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 22/07/2023 00:25

I'd keep the actual basket and jam and donate the rest.
I think I know the one you received. I gather your school is not nut free?

AIBU end of term present
kennycat · 22/07/2023 00:37

Plumbear2 · 20/07/2023 09:11

This is why I have never given to group presents for teachers. I think hand written notes and a drawing from the child are much more appreciated. The organisers just do it for the glory 🙄

This!! There were so many bloody collections for various people (including certain parents who’d are ages things through the year)

I muted WhatsApp and glided around in blissful ignorance.

my daughter’s teacher made a special point of thanking me for the imaginative present is given her as it was personal, from the heart and specific to her interests. Better than the Amazon voucher the gaggle of parents collected for!!

CSIblonde · 22/07/2023 00:56

I think you'd possibly offend them if you asked for the receipt. M&S will usually give you vouchers if you have no receipt though. If you are struggling financially, one to one tutoring is easy money & very lucrative. I ditched the agency pretty quick as they were taking the mick with their percentage : & through word of mouth got 3 regulars at £15 an hour . I did Fri & Sat & they came to me , so it wasn't v tiring. That was years ago so the going rate will be way higher now.

Justaboutalive · 22/07/2023 01:40

M&S say they don’t refund food items -

Which products cannot be returned?Face coverings, Beauty products, bra accessories, duvets, earrings, flowers, food, food gifts, Food to Order, fruit baskets, furniture, gift cards, hampers, made-to-measure and personalised items, mattress protectors, pillows, plants, single-use carrier bags, swimwear, toiletries, wine, non-branded toys and gifts*, non-branded luggage plus kitchen electrical goods and any products with a seal, where the seal is broken. These products can only be returned in accordance with your statutory rights. Some of these items may have their own terms and conditions which will be provided at the time of purchase.
*These products and electronic items can only be returned under our goodwill policy if they are unopened and have the security or hygiene seal intact.

CelestiaNoctis · 22/07/2023 01:53

Omg please ask for the receipt. I would be mortified and want to help give you something else. I'm sure with such a generous gift you must surely be a treasured teacher. Explaining you have a nut allergy is definitely a totally fine reason to ask for the receipt so you could get something else of equal value.

caringcarer · 22/07/2023 02:00

I'd thank the organising parent but explain you are allergic to nuts so can't eat most of the content and don't drink alcohol for religious reasons so kindly wonder if she has a receipt so you could swap it for food you could eat. I'm sure she won't mind and would just want you to have a few treats.

caringcarer · 22/07/2023 02:10

This is why I give kids teachers and any kids parties he goes to an Amazon voucher. They can choose what they like.

Bruton1 · 22/07/2023 03:08

Haven’t RTFT but if you are on FB, and it’s a closed profile (which I’m sure it would be as you’re a teacher), why don’t you raffle it off on your page? You can choose your audience for the post to exclude any colleagues or parents from school or anyone else who you might not want to know about it. Offer tickets for £2/3/5 each, whatever you think, and people could pay you by PayPal. Use a random number chooser app to select the winner and job done. Even if only 10 people buy tickets at £2 each, that’s £20 you didn’t have before.

I know someone who sells bloody wax melts who does this, I think it’s a fiver a ticket to win a load of wax melts which can’t have cost her more than a tenner to produce, she has 20 tickets available each time and they always sell out 🤷‍♀️

Sycasmores · 22/07/2023 03:28

This is why or class reps always give John Lewis vouchers.

SunRainStorm · 22/07/2023 03:44

If you haven't opened it I would try to sell it on marketplace for £50 or so.

Then at least it will be used and you will have some cash to show for it.

It sounds like you have bigger problems though, and I hope things improve for you.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/07/2023 05:32

Ahhhhhhh bugger, its in the Fail now so you'll have to pretend you LOVED the hamper and will now receive alcoholic nut based hampers forever more as you can't reveal you are indeed allergic/tee-total or they'll suss...

SpatulaSpatula · 22/07/2023 06:50

I'm really surprised by the answers here! I can't understand why you'd be considered ungrateful when the issue isn't that you don't like it but that part of it is against your religion and the rest could kill you? I'm reminded of a scene in film where someone is sure the person inviting them in for a drink is a killer but they go in anyway out of politeness. Peak British! I would tell the organiser, being very clear about how grateful you are and how tortured you have been about this. You could show them this thread. I'd be so sad if I found out that a gift I'd given was so very wrong. HOWEVER! I'm not 100% British and frequently get myself in trouble for being blunt and insensitive.

Manthide · 22/07/2023 07:35

Tenegrief · 20/07/2023 10:54

I know this is slightly off-topic but this thread has just reminded me of the rage I feel about the cost of ready-made hampers... They're scandalously over-priced. We received one recently which was full of the kind of over-priced posh snacks and condiments you find in Waitrose. We totted it all up and it came to about £35 worth of stuff... The hamper was £125! The OP's hamper, as well as being entirely unsuitable for her, is a fucking RIP OFF. I hope I never receive another one, and I will never buy one for someone else.

Dd1 knows we struggle and she normally gifts me a hamper for Christmas. She makes it up herself and fills it with things I love and don't buy myself eg marmite. This mother's day she sent me a lovely ready made m&s bag with coffee, chocolates etc in it. I did like it but when I saw how much it cost I did think it would have been better if she'd sent some chocolates and an amazon voucher ( or m&s voucher).

LuluBlakey1 · 22/07/2023 07:56

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 18:37

I have phoned m&s and explained. They just said that without a receipt, no store is going to offer me an exchange.

For regifting... unless I was to give the whole hamper to one person (which I have now offered quite a few friends/colleagues and i havent found someone who likes all of the things inside) it doesn't really look like a gift. I don't see a bag of nuts as a gift, nor a jar of hazelnut spread or a couple of florentine biscuits. I wouldn't give the hamper as a gift because there is no one that I can think of that likes all these things and would hate to pass on a useless present simply because I can't make use of it. If I get someone something I do try my hardest to get them something I know they would like. It just seems a bit thoughtless to me to then save it for someone's birthday who wouldn't like it either. It would also be very obvious I put no thought in to their gift and just gave away something i had as the maximum I am able to spend on people is £5-£20, so to one day give a gift worth £75 looks like I just gave away something I didn't want.

I'm going to try a charity shop and hopefully it will get a little bit of money for someone who needs it.

I have had time to get over the dissapointment now and am grateful they gave me a gift at all. I (wrongly) assumed I would be given vouchers, as in the 10 years I have been teaching I always receive vouchers for Christmas and the end of term. If I am lucky, it's John lewis and waitrose where I can spend it on a food shop, or amazon where I can afford to buy my children some birthday presents and keep away. I had next vouchers from the same parents at Christmas and it paid for my children to have a dressing gown, some uniform and a pair of shoes each. It has always been £100-£150, but it was wrong of me to assume and I won't be doing it again and be more grateful that my hard work is recognised. They topped up the hamper with a massive bunch of flowers which i can tell is worth a lot of money, some mugs and a Teddy bear so I did get a few bits which I am grateful for and can make use of. It was just dissapointing.

Thank you everyone for giving me your views.

It always amazes me what kind of/level of gifts people give teachers (or at least those on Mnet). I worked in a secondary school in the north-east and DH does too (different school), we have 3 DC at nursery and primary school.
It's not our experience that teachers get big presents from parents. In the school I worked in (nice but in a quite deprived area) presents were not encouraged other than token thank yous eg card or chocolates. You quite often got a small bunch of flowers or a mug. That was absolutely fine, it was the thought that counted. DH's school is in a very deprived area and children bring the same kind of stuff. Staff are very touched by the cards
Occasionally a mum would bake a couple of cakes for the staffroom or send biscuits- always very gratefully received.

Our DC go to a very middle-class primary school and nursery. The school asks parents not to buy expensive gifts for staff. I think that's perfectly reasonable. It came after the Head (who we know as an ex-neighbour and friend) found himself dealing with 'situations' - parents who can't afford to feeling pressured to contribute to expensive gifts or buy gifts, parents competing, parents feeling they've contributed/bought an expensive gift and somehow have 'credit' with a teacher when a problem arises with their child, teachers competing for gifts, situations like the one stated where parents have effectively wasted their money on something unsuitable.

It really is not for parents to 'top-up' a teacher's budget. It's wrong on many levels. Teachers should not expect or accept expensive gifts- they are public servants, paid to do a job.

I sent home-made cakes this summer for their whole-school 'staff coffee' which takes place in the last week- goodbyes, Head's end of year thank you. I know they get a few but people can take them home and they are not wasted.

FlipFlop1987 · 22/07/2023 08:08

Whinge · 20/07/2023 09:21

A half bottle of wine?

Surely this is a regifted item?

I bet the other parents would be horrified to learn that the organiser has collected their money and given you one of their unwanted present. Shock

😆 wine comes in different sizes, it’s not literally a half drunk bottle, it’s a smaller sized bottle

FlipFlop1987 · 22/07/2023 08:20

It’s a bit of a strange gift, especially for summer time looks more like Christmas or Valentines gift. Maybe it’s their own re-gift!

Personally as an introvert, I couldn’t ask to change or replace it. With gifts I just profusely thank the givers and try the best I can to use or donate.

Also I understand and sympathise something more tangible would have helped with funds, but I don’t think your end of year gift could be expected to get you through to pay day. You don’t have a £75 jar of jam, you have a free jar of jam and some other bits you could pass on. You could sacrifice the jam, leave it in the hamper and put it on a selling site for £25 for example? x

familyissues12345 · 22/07/2023 08:32

You've made it into the mirror OP

AIBU end of term present
Ohyousillydivvy · 22/07/2023 08:52

It just goes to show how thoughtless some people are to dietary requirements even now. Especially as most schools are nut free zones and lots don't drink alcohol due to health and religious reasons. My class always gave JL or M&S vouchers that the teacher could spend on whatever they wanted.