AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

I’m still really confused as to how this has happened. Clearly the OPs classroom/school are nut free zones because of her allergies. It’s just unbelievable that this has been ignored by the purchasers of this gift.

You'd be surprised. Some people are so self absorbed they literally don't care if someone dies

Oh no oh no oh no oh no :(

It wasn't that I wanted to return a gift for groceries. I was considering asking for a receipt to return an expensive gift I was allergic to, and then I would have used the money for food instead of a replacement hamper as that is what I needed more.

I am hoping so much my parents don't see this and think I am ungrateful. I really do appreciate the effort they went to try to get me something nice and wasn't to know I couldn't have what was inside the hamper.

I felt it was too rude to ask for the receipt in person and explain why. I Couldn't bring myself to do it. It is 10x worse to read about it from the Mirror. My poor parents :(

Say thank you and re gift...it's the thought that counts and they wanted to do something nice for you..to complain about a gift is a slap in the face to them...enjoy your jam

You haven't come across as ungrateful at all OP, if you were my DD's teacher I'd just feel bad that you couldn't use the gift (and furious that an educated professional was counting the pennies but that's a different thread!). If anyone does see it I doubt it'll change their opinion of you.

I'm pretty sure it's not an opened bottle of wine half full but rather a half bottle of wine. You can buy smaller bottles.

They won't know it is you. Probably lots of school teachers are receiving similar gifts. Just deny it if asked.

I wouldn’t ask any parents about exchanging as the parents would have been really pleased with the gift they got you. If the sell by dates are all ok, can you re-gift for the next birthday/Christmas you have to buy for? Perhaps for a close relative or a big birthday? I do think the thought put into presents is more important than the actual present.

I would definitely explain to the parent who organised it and say that your allergic to most of the contents, would it be possible to have the receipt so you could swap it for something else.

OP you seem very entitled just get over it and move on. Seems very rude to ask for an exchange. It was a nice though. Give it to a friend

I don't think you are being unreasonable as such, but presume the pupils or parents weren't to know you wouldn't be able to make good use of what most people would be really happy to receive.

I know you mentioned struggling financially at the moment, but in all honesty, I would re-gift the hamper as a donation for a local charity (fundraisers/raffles for example). I know this won't help you financially, but would any alternative gift? I don't know of any teachers who receive actual cash as an end of term present.

Actually this is good that the mirror picked up on it because it will make people think about gifting hampers. More consideration needs to be given to those who have dietary requirements. I never gift food or drink for this reason plus I don't drink alcohol either. I understand that some don't because I don't but the amount of people who think I'm an alien because I don't is huge.

I wonder what how the readership of MN and the Mirror compare - especially among parents of primary school aged DC in the UK. Suspect they were more likely to see it here than there!

I remember being involved in a PTA event asking for donations for prizes and raffle hampers. There was always a clear instruction - NO NUTS. Everything was left in an area of the playground at drop off, then sorted and put away by volunteers when the bell went. Some complete tosser donated a giant, leaking string bag of peanuts still in the shell.

When I give someone a gift I’d really like it to be useful to them and would never be offended if they asked for the receipt to get something else that would be useful. I don’t understand the logic behind this like it or lump it attitude that some people have but the fact is, a lot of people get offended if you have the temerity to express your own personal desire over their idea of your desire! Just kindly explain and ask for the receipt. No one can argue that £75 is a lot of money for a jar of jam. I think secretly regifting is far more offensive than being upfront. At least by being honest you are allowing people to get to know you through the channel of a gift which I am sure has much more purpose than secretly regifting.

@Inwiththenew , It's not even a jar of jam. It's a basket with stuff the OP can't use other than for re-gifting in it.

I mean that sounds like someone is deliberately trying to kill someone tbh

Look, this thread shows that gift giving is a minefield and people dont all like the same things or have the same attitudes towards gift giving.

Those pronouncing definitive ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ responses fail to appreciate that people feel differently about this and there isn’t a correct response.

All we can take from this is that gift giving is always optional and quite what is given is totally determined by the giver. As a recipient, we have no control over the gift…whether one is given or what it is. As such, we shouldn’t become too invested or dependant on receiving anything, or anything g in particular. Smile, say a warm thank you and move on…either enjoying the gift, or doing something else with it. As gift givers, take the same approach….chose to give or not give and make your own choice of what to give…a specific item or a gift voucher. Give it, and then forget about it…do t become too invested in how the recipient responds to it. We can’t control everything in life.

To me, this thread is really about OP’s financial struggles. She is struggling to meet basic costs of living. Her life circumstances have been really hard and she is struggling. She’d hoped a gift would help cover some of these costs, but the nature of it means that hasn’t been possible and so her disappointment in it being a gift she can’t use is magnified. It isn’t that the gift was wrong or awful. The hamper and the flowers and other gifts were a sign of appreciation from the parents. It was their prerogative to choose what to give. They’ve frequently gifted vouchers, so Perhaos wanted something less generic this time. Who knows why, but it was their prerogative to choose.

Move on OP. Enjoy the jam if you can and if not, give the items to different people or charity. End of.

I don't think you can get a refund for food items unfortunately
https://www.marksandspencer.com/c/help-and-support/returns-and-refunds#returns

There’s nothing wrong in gifting to an adult individual something that includes nuts. Op is an adult and frequently will go into buildings where nuts are present in some form. The parents did nothing wrong to gift an item that contains nuts.

Look, most parents probably threw £5 or £10 into the envelope or transferred it to the gift organiser’s account. They didn’t dwell long and hard in what the gift would be. Part of joining a group gift is you do t have to worry about it too much. The reality is that most groups of parents simply want to acknowledge thanks and don’t spend ages thinking about what this teacher loves and dislikes. It’s a bit self-indulgent if recipients to overly dwell on the nature of the gift in relation to their specific likes/dislikes or allergies which the gift givers know nothing about. There is no reason why the givers should spend ages researching and checking these things out. The giving of the gift simply isn’t really a big deal.

The problem is when it becomes a big deal to the recipient. And to be honest, this is about OP’s economic circumstances which the parents will have known nothing about and have zero to do with. They simply bought what they thought would be a treat. Yes, hampers are a bit generic and over-priced, but they are frequently given when the person being given to isn’t well-known. And most people receiving a hamper will recognise the sentiment is good and enjoy some items and not others but not be really upset by there being only 1 or 2 items they can enjoy. It’s just one of those things. All the posters who are STILL saying OP should ask M and S for a refund or exchange haven’t spotted the many posts saying hampers are non-returnable.

Soemtimes we do get a gift which is useless to us. It happens to us all sometimes. It’s just one of those things.

I can’t believe the writer of that Mirror piece is a journalism lecturer. She completely missed the point of the thread and all her work just seems to be lifted from various threads.

What if the OP gets the same hamper next year too?? I'm still shook at 6 items for £75. Thats such a shame OP you must have been so looking forward to opening this. Maybe sell it on? Or I like the idea to ask around if anyone would swop!!

Those parents are perfectly at liberty to give or not give whatever they choose. The recipient has no control over it.

Im a bit surprised how many many people are shocked at the idea of 6 items for £75 in a hamper. Yes, it’s a lot of money, but if 30 parents gave £2.50 each, you’d get £75.

In lots of state schools, a parent will organise a collection like this and raise close to £100. In some independents, a collection will raise £300.

Often a gift is intended to be a treat, rather than functional and useful.clearly, OP needs functional and useful, but the parents wouldn’t know that and it’s not their role to provide functional and useful and to cover her living costs with their gifts.

If the basket itself is worth £15, then the items are £10 each. Yes, you could buy the individual items for less each…but this isn’t about going to Lidl and buying the cheapest items..it’s a package and probably included delivery and fillings etc. It’a luxury product. Do t forget M and S sell hampers that cost over £1k that lots of companies buy at Christmas for clients or staff. Often people won’t like all the items. We often won’t like gifts people buy us. Hey ho!

This is why parents should all buy an Amazon voucher for the teacher, cheaper for the parent and fab for the teacher.

That’s what we did. A class collection, Amazon vouchers for teachers and TA’s.
one year we knew the teachers better and the TA got £100 voucher for a shop we knew she liked and the teacher got a family tocket for a cool day out with his wife and kids. A meal voucher for him and wife and an activity day and parking for himself. Hopefully he enjoyed it all