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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ImNotReallySpartacus · 21/07/2023 17:55

Surely a food bank would take the things with nuts in them?

DuchessOfSausage · 21/07/2023 18:34

I think you miss the point, @ImNotReallySpartacus .

Middleagedspreadisreal · 21/07/2023 18:46

Say thank you. Re-gift it. Move on. Nobody is obligated to buy you anything.

Greenshed · 21/07/2023 18:49

I agree with posters who advise saying nothing. Just thank them for their generosity and regift the items to people you know would like them, or perhaps donate the items to a church summer fayre or similar.
I think saying something might cause Ill feeling.

Ohgollymolly · 21/07/2023 19:11

Really?!

Gift it on. I’m sure there’s someone you know who can make use of it.

I don’t think you can return hampers. I know where I work, we don’t return them.

Was it bought with money from a class collection?

Or maybe the parent is trying to look generous and is in fact passing it on themselves.

Either way, don’t whinge. Parents don’t have to get you anything. If your wages aren’t enough, take on a weekend job or retrain to do something else. It’s what the rest of us folk do. We can’t just go on strike and cause havoc.

Notmineagain · 21/07/2023 19:19

Actually op it's awful to gift Alcohol and nuts. I think it was just lazy of the organisers. Absolutely nothing wrong with letting them know you are allergic. I would ask. Sorry you have been through alot, I think you're amazing.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 21/07/2023 19:23

perhaps donate the items to a church summer fayre or similar.

Some churches teach temperance, and plenty of others are not particularly keen on alcohol. Plus, don't you need a special licence to sell/raffle alcohol?

Also, what happens if the lucky winner is also allergic to nuts and/or teetotal/a recovering alcoholic?!

Personally, I think the nature of alcohol and foods with nuts in them and their associated issues for many people is such that it's best to only buy them for yourself or as a present for somebody you know very well, and that they do drink and/or don't have a nut allergy.

Mummanoodle · 21/07/2023 19:33

It’s disappointing that the gift is technically unsuitable for you, but as the parents probably didn’t realise you don’t drink and have allergies, it’s just unfortunate. Regift it. I think it would be rude to ask for the receipt. As a parent who has just bought gifts for teachers (and TAs that I don’t know) I think it’s the thought that counts

DetectiveDouche · 21/07/2023 19:34

God.. all this “horrified” and “heartbroken” and high drama!?!

Do what a sensible pp said.. use the jam and keep/regift the other items.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 21/07/2023 19:43

Do what a sensible pp said.. use the jam and keep/regift the other items.

Didn't it later emerge that the jam has booze in it too?!

dutysuite · 21/07/2023 19:44

It sound like a lovely gift so I’d regift it and make someone else’s day - there’s no way I’d ask for a receipt.

EhrlicheFrau · 21/07/2023 20:00

Please just accept this as the nice gesture it was - pass the things you cannot have to friends, family or colleagues who can. Eat the jam and enjoy it. Please don't ask for a receipt as that may well be seen as ungrateful (even if it's not motivated by that). Also, hopefully the fact that they even got you a gift will make you realise that they do appreciate you (surely that's what gifts are about and not really financial gain). Regarding your financial situation, I sympathise and hope things improve for you soon.

Gagaandgag · 21/07/2023 20:05

JenniferBarkley · 20/07/2023 09:38

OP has already said she tried to return it without the receipt but was refused.

Although OP, I'd be tempted to try a different branch and lean heavily on the allergy aspect!

Yes try this!!!

Nogg · 21/07/2023 20:08

Also I think ms have those cleaver tags now where they can scan where and when it was bought and how much for. ( not sure if hampers have such tags)

Nogg · 21/07/2023 20:08

Clever

Missingpop · 21/07/2023 20:12

To be fair I’d phone an m&s shop away from where you live (you don’t want to bump in to any mums) explain what’s happened & ask if you can swap the hamper for other food items in store/ or phone head office & do the same thing m&s are usually brilliant with this sort of thing they’d be very hard hearted as your allergic to most of the items x

pleasehelpwi3 · 21/07/2023 20:27

Sorry haven't read it all......please please don't ask for the receipt.
I'm a primary teacher and whilst I sympathise with your position, you are laying yourself wide open to problems if the parent takes the request the wrong way. I've just been commenting on the thread about the teacher on the radio slagging off the gifts they received. Your case is totally different, but that might get lost in translation if it enters playground mythology.
For next year, it might be worth identifying someone who can discreetly pass on the message- think parent governor, or colleague with a child at the school etc- or even if you are teaching older children mention it in class. Enjoy the summer!

derekdied · 21/07/2023 20:32

It sucks but you probably can't return it even with receipt. I do feel for you but as someone else said it's not to supplement your wages. Pretty much no other job gets you regular gifts like this, enjoy it when it does hit the mark and regift the things you can't use this time.

northlundunmum · 21/07/2023 20:35

is there a food bank near you? They may be really happy to swap the hamper for food you can have.

pollymere · 21/07/2023 20:35

I once got totally forgotten and the money which should've gone on my gift went towards another teacher so she got £150 worth and I got nothing. Nothing was done when it was realised.

I think you just have to go with what you're given and regift things. Or donate to the school for a raffle. A gift with nuts in is foolish to give in a school anyway. You could try and speak to the organiser (or even find out if you can return it to M&S on the sly. They are pretty good about credit notes).

Mumwithbaggage · 21/07/2023 20:36

I'm a teacher. I'm paid so do not expect gifts - work in a school with a very high proportion of GTRBS parents too so appreciate money is tough for many. If I recieve gifts, I do so graciously. I do appreciate it's hard with alcohol - a parent asked if it was OK to give wine today. Definitely OK in our school. Anything I don't drink/eat can be shared between colleagues. Maybe early next year is a good time to make parents aware of your dietary issues?? Very generous parents mean well and there is absolutely no need for them to gift us anything.

Abbimae · 21/07/2023 20:38

As a teacher yes yabu a million times over

Amaksy · 21/07/2023 20:42

But that’s odd because the gifting parent usually asks the teacher what they’d like to avoid instances like this. It’s not simply a “it’s the thought that counts” situation so I’d raise it, say thank you but…. Otherwise it might be a repeated incident next year.

Greenshed · 21/07/2023 20:51

Actually, FatherJacks….., many churches are not temperance churches, and do accept alcoholic items for their raffles (for which they have the relevant licence). Read up on it before you try to put other posters down.

Greenshed · 21/07/2023 20:56

“What happens if the winner is allergic….”
Well in that case, they probably wouldn’t buy a raffle ticket, or, they’d re-donate it to help church funds.

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