AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

I hate the thought of parents giving towards a present and then the teacher couldn’t use any of it.

I also think mugs etc are a complete waste of time. Same goes for tat like keyrings. As if a teacher wants to keep dozens of this crap.

A teddy bear. What a stupid present.

I always vote for vouchers for the class collection and have given vouchers for the nursery keyworkers before.

On the M&S website it clearly states that hampers cannot be returned. I think you need to find some friends without nut allergies and share out the contents.

lots of people are allergic to nuts and don't drink. It's a gift that has been chosen with little thought, probably the organiser chose something they would like themselves and that looked impressive.

Amazing how so many people are saying this was an unthoughtful or bad gift. You don't get to choose your gift. You either get a gift, or you don't. OP wanted/expected vouchers and didn't get them. Her financial situation is completely unrelated to the present issue.

The only way this gift would be considered bad if it was given to the OP purposely with intent knowing she had nut allergies and didn't drink. Unless OP walks around with a sign around her neck stating these things then I don't see how they would assume she was. I'm guessing OP just doesn't like nuts/prefers not to eat them, because surely a serious nut allergy with an epipen would require the classroom and school to be declared a nut free environment and all parents would be made aware.

Most people buy flowers, chocolates, hampers as gifts. Are these gifts always thought of as being gifted with "little thought"? No, sometimes you just don't know what to buy someone, but want to show your appreciation anyway. The parents did a lovely thing, when they didn't have too.

Literally ANY gift could be seen as "unthoughtful" for someone
If you buy a bath bomb and they are allergic.
If you bought chocolate and they were dairy free.
If you bought flowers and they can't have them in the house because their husband/DC is highly allergic.

I get given alcohol as gifts from clients all the time even though I don't drink, would I dream of saying "thank you but I actually don't drink"?......no that would be beyond awkward for everyone involved. They would feel silly, end up apologising, taking it back and then having to go out of their way to possibly buy me something else. Nah, not for me. Maybe in a non work setting I could own up and say actually I don't drink! but at work keep it professional.

We gave my daugther´s teacher a hamper but we dis ask if she had allergies or didn´t drik first. Had to laugh at the half bottle someone took for meaning half-drunk!

I used to work with a male muslim teacher, he was regularly gifted bottles of wine and aftershave!

Ask for the receipt.

It's supposed to be a gift you enjoy and you literally can die eating most of the items.

I had a look at the hamper what a dreadful selection.

I have a nut allergic child and I I gift someone food they are allergic to I will be mortified.

You deserve a better present.

For the people saying you should just be grateful ... you are, it's about enjoyment and usefulness ...

I really think you deserve better and I hope you manage to return the hamper.

My school is a nut free school but I suppose my parents thought that was for allergies relating to the children. I think they probably thought it is a gift I am unlikely to open and eat in school but would take home to enjoy so its a bit different to sending children in with nuts in their lunchbox.

We are a 4 form entry primary school so they arent to know which child/adult has an allergy.

I know they definitely didn't intentionally get me something I am allergic to and wanted to do something nice for me, which they did. It doesn't change the fact they thought of me and got me something and wanted to say thank you and I appreciate the effort and gesture.

@Bunny93 I am sorry you are struggling so much
Money wise

I also find it very sad brag you rely on the vouchers to feed /clothe your kids

Please do go and use food banks as that's what they are for if struggling

Due to allergies and the fact you can't return a hamper please do ask for a receipt so you can change it and get use of something to help you

Not sure if you are on uc? But try applying for it - single parent with 2 kids - you should get some help with childcare costs if you pay them

YANBU, OP. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, and I am sorry for all the thoughtless and cruel posts berating you for being ungrateful for a present that is poorly thought out waste of money. (Although I have to say, shame on M&S for selling such crap). Clearly they have no idea of what teachers are paid versus the work they put in, and how that money converted to vouchers would have made a world of difference to you. I hope your little ones and you are able to have a decent Summer.

Sadly, this subject comes up a lot around end of year teachers gifts.

My class collected for my teacher and the kind organiser spent ALOT of money on stationery for her. Whilst I have spent a small fortune this year buying children’s scissors, rulers and glue sticks, she doesn’t see her gift as personal to her. I get she would rather have received a voucher but unfortunately the recipient generally doesn’t get to choose.

You just need to put this down to one of those years. It will certainly be one you remember.

@Anewuser did all the contributing parents know the money would be used for school supplies?

Are you Muslim, OP and do your student's parents know you're Muslim.

This is a beyond shit gift to get a Muslim. Anyone with a modicum of sense woulodn't have done it. Twats.

Clearly they have no idea of what teachers are paid versus the work they put in, and how that money converted to vouchers would have made a world of difference to you.

Absolute bullshit. Some of the parents that contributed might be on minimum wage or UC themselves. They also work hard, but don't get an end of year gift. End of year gifts aren't there to support teachers wages. Saying vouchers would have made an "absolute world of difference" for the OP is irrelevant. She shouldn't expect vouchers, or any gifts at all. Whatever teachers get from parents they should be grateful.

I agree teachers salaries are not worthy of the work and time they put in, but it's not up to the parents to supplement their wages.

Maybe when the DC are older you can do private tutoring at that’s what my DM who was a single mum and a teacher did. She also ran a Saturday morning drama class in the empty classroom of a local secondary school and then in the hall/space of a local old fire station (think it might have been turned into a theatre by then or part of it was!) for a few years too and went on to teach drama as well as did puppet shows in holidays and at weekends for children’s parties.

When we were younger it was harder as she couldn’t just leave us, or we were too little to bring along to the above.

As @Blondeshavemorefun says look into UC or whatever else you’re entitled to. I’m not sure if the only thing my mum could get back then was maybe help paid with interest on mortgage and child benefit but you shouldn’t have to be relying on vouchers so you can buy your children shoes.

I know you’ve probably looked into this but do you know what, if any work you can do this school holiday and presumably you have the correct clearance? Can you help run a holiday club or arrange something which helps with childcare as I know lots of parents would bite your hand off for this? You wouldn’t necessarily have to do this all summer.

Also, kindly, it’s so lovely you’ve got gifts of vouchers etc in the past but you really need to think about why you’re relying on vouchers (assume you have other means to buy clothes etc) for essentials especially footwear for your DC. I do think that as @Pigtailsandall says often parents just don’t think when buying a gift especially a big money ticket item and assume people will be happy with something “luxurious” so it’s nothing personal, honestly!

You could also try:-

benevolent funds - NASUWT has one but unsure if this is through a union and so does Education Support (www.educationsupport.org.uk) and also The Teaching Staff Trust. Could be more help out there.

Really? Calling parents twats for buying her a gift? 🙄Shame on you.

@Luxell934 , giving a gift of alcohol to someone who doesn't drink alcohol for religious reasons is thoughtless.

How did they know she didn't drink for religious reasons? OP hasn't said she wears a Hijab. It's not only muslims who don't drink for religious reasons.

@Luxell934 Giving any gift that is useless to the participant and/or something that is basically landfill tat is not something anyone should be grateful to receive, never mind happy about giving. If you can't afford it, don't contribute. If you don't think teachers are a "special case" for receiving a gift - given the unique role they play in looking after our children, and educating the next generation of the adult workforce in the face of massive levels of underfunding and little support from government (and often, parents) - then don't contribute. However, don't expect the OP or any other hardworking recipient to be genuflecting for receiving a pile of shit.

*recipient, not participant

Okay you are right then, she should demand to be reimbursed (with vouchers, preferably) for this massive pile of shit gift she's received. Demand a better gift OP you deserve it!

Or perhaps next time you give a present, be a bit more thoughtful about the recipient and how much you actually know about them.

I'm so sorry, I'll try to be more pleasant in future. I just can't even imagine how awful it must be to receive a disappointing hamper

Due to allergies and the fact you can't return a hamper please do ask for a receipt so you can change it and get use of something to help you

Eh? That sentence completely contradicts itself?!

I'd never give alcohol unless I was sure someone drinks. So many people don't or have alcohol issues.

I’d never give alcohol. Most younger people I know these days don’t drink at all.