AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

I would ask for the receipt and explain why. As the gift giver I’d much rather the person received something they like and will use. If you don’t this could just happen again.

You have lots of opinions on the question you posed. I am leaning on the try a different m&s and see if you get a better reaction. I just want to say from your posts you sound like a hell of a teacher and mother. Your students and children are lucky to have you.

I am sorry things are so financially tight. Its not fair and I hope things will improve. You are clearly resilient to end the relationship and be such a good role model to the children around you.

This is why it was agreed by the parents of DD’s class to get vouchers! We all thought John Lewis, but as the teachers is a youngling, Love To Shop vouchers were selected as they can be used at more places.

Honestly I think you come across a bit cheeky that you’ve come to expect vouchers. I understand being disappointed that you can’t use the gift but it seems very well intentioned-most people would love that gift.
I would sell it on Facebook for even £40, then use the money as you see fit.
Agree with a PP, if you didn’t want to ask for the receipt then you obviously just wanted to complain.

Just be honest and explain you can only have the jam. They bought the gift for you, I’m sure they wouldn’t want it wasted either

Any person who is heartbroken over a jar of jam is a wet wipe.

Pleasant people don't describe others as a 'wet wipe'

What on earth are you talking about?!

We encourage our classes to do class collections and for the teachers to be given gift vouchers to avoid teachers being overwhelmed with useless gifts - even if you weren’t unable to use half the contents it’s just a pointless generic gift.

When I’ve organised will get a token gift costing around £10 so we have something physical for the children to present and put the rest towards vouchers so the teachers can buy something they want.

In the past I know some teachers have ended up spending their vouchers on classroom supplies which as an appalling situation to be in, but that’s a whole different topic!

I’m quite surprised that anyone doesn’t have the awareness to realise that in the current climate, vouchers or cash will be much better received than an overpriced hamper which would appeal to a very limited market of people, allergy regardless! Those sorts of hampers are a prime example of something that is sold at a vastly inflated value because they’re presented to be given as a gift. It’s ok to think it’s a bit of a shit gift and be disappointed if you’ve previously received vouchers which 99.9% of people would much rather have. It doesn’t make you an ungrateful witch.

And tbh if your class is £30 kids that’s about £2.50 per person which isn’t exactly staggeringly generous if that’s the only teacher they’re contributing for (assume primary). And a teddy?! For a grown adult professional
woman? Wtf!

You're being much more kind and appreciative about this gift than I would be, I have to say. It’s horrible galling to see a chunk of money being wasted when it could have been spent so much better and it’s ok to feel quietly disappointed and frustrated. Receive with good grace and pass it on, is all you can do.

If I was the organiser I'd completely understand and be grateful you asked me for the receipt.

We always did vouchers in my kids primary school days. Then the teachers can buy what they like. I prefer that too. I don't like presents, more unwanted clutter in my house. If that makes me sound ungrateful then so be it!

In my experience most parents want to donate something but have busy lives and need pestering. The last people to donate to our collections are usually the full-time working parents in well-paid jobs who just want to chuck £20 at the problem and let someone else do the organisation.

I know there's people on a range of incomes in our classes and when I've been the organiser I'm always very clear that donation is optional, no pressure, know money is tight etc. I still need to repost this to my class whatsapp groups about half a dozen times though to get through to the parents who mean to donate but haven't got round to it yet (I know, because when it's not been my responsibility to organise I'm usually the one chucking in £20 at the last minute!)

To add to this I still need to pester people continuously to do zero-cost things like fill in consent forms for school trips, sign a class card etc etc. So it's not as though it's a money problem.

OP i think a lot of these comments are really unfair. I wouldn't mind at all if the teacher explained their allergy and asked for the receipt, but I also have always given vouchers and chocolate /biscuits without nuts as an additional extra.

But you do have other concerns to address if you rely on these gifts to support your family. Nice as they are they could easily be 30 best teacher teddies /mugs/keyring or nothing at all.

Not sure why some people say this doesn't add up with the half bottle of wine? Are they bad at maths? M&S is expensive and a similar hamper with a half bottle can be found here https://www.marksandspencer.com/with-love-hamper-with-champagne/p/hpp60605431#intid=pid_pg1pip2g4r1c1 it adds up perfectly to me.

OP, YANBU of course and have been unlucky in this scenario. As per other opinions, if I was in your position I would accept the gift for what it is, just in case the receipt request gets taken the opposite way to which it was intended (many people here on MN would misinterpret it negatively, for example), but attempt to return it to your local M&S and I feel there is a good chance you would be able to exchange it for an item or items of the same value. Fingers crossed for you!

I'd be horrified if a gift recipient ended up with an expensive gift they could not use - I give people gifts for them to enjoy, and a £75 hamper is not a 'token'.

I would quietly speak to the organising parent and say you're very grateful for their generosity but... unfortunately, allergies... Otherwise surely theres a strong chance you're going to get the same thing again and again!

Bloody good chance if you charity shop it or get rid somehow, someones going to spot it and think you ARE ungrateful and not realise the real reason behind giving it away!

@Luxell934 - lots of people are allergic to nuts and don't drink. It's a gift that has been chosen with little thought, probably the organiser chose something they would like themselves and that looked impressive.

A quiet word about being grateful but sadly medical issues meant it couldn't be used might make sure that the same mistake isn't made again. I wouldn't want a gift to go to waste or not benefit the recipient.

In the current climate vouchers are definitely the way ahead.

ok I just had a sneaky idea could you ask the mum for the receipt. Tell her that there was something wrong with an item in the hamper( which is a fib but nothing major )You could then return the hamper to m&s for a credit note. If you find this unacceptable , you could just say you can’t have nuts in the house due to allergies so would like to swap those items and need the receipt to do this. You then are not seen to be rejecting the hamper. And don’t feel guilty at all as people frequently regift without telling the person who gave them the gift or the new recepient.

You can’t return food or food gifts, though.

And please ignore the posters who have made unkind comments..you sound like a lovely lady who has had a lot to put up with

@Grmumpy , why would you fib and say something wrong with the hamper? That's badmouthing M&S and lying.

Please ask for the receipt and exchange it. I have been buying teachers presents for 20 odd years (5 kids) and I would much rather a teacher done exchanged it than let it go to waste. Even if it wasn’t to their taste never mind allergies.

Sorry have no good advice as I would also want to make it known that the gift is useless but probably would stay silent so as not to cause offence. Just wanted to commiserate as I know I would feel heartbroken too in your situation...

Hopefully it's something you will be able to look back on and laugh about in the not too distant future.

I disagree, I have put money in one time for class present and they used it for shite 🤣🤣

I always buy my sons teacher a gift from him.

I've only ever gone out my way and got really good gifts for 1 of his teachers who he had for 2 years due to him being amazing with my son and encouraging him through his difficulties.

So not everyone does it for glory hunting

No way, that's rude beyond belief. Swap items with another teacher or speak to m and s customer service yourself so you can swap items there