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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Jobreveal · 21/07/2023 08:57

Zanatdy · 21/07/2023 08:41

You can exchange without receipt, maybe exchange it for some food from M&S. I personally would avoid asking for the receipt and they might not have it anyway.

You can't exchange or get a refund on hampers with or without a receipt.

MamaGhina · 21/07/2023 08:58

I do the class collection (not for the glory lol) and I always discreetly ask where the teacher would like vouchers for. This year the collection was lower then usual so we ditched the flowers/chocolates and just went for vouchers.
I would take no offence at all if a teacher asked for a receipt, in fact I’d rather they did then have a gift that was no use to them.

Taylorswiftly23 · 21/07/2023 08:58

It’s very strange that they weren’t aware of your allergies. Surely your classroom (if not the whole school) is a nut free zone?

June628 · 21/07/2023 09:03

OP you sound absolutely lovely. It’s such a shame the person choosing the gift didn’t put more thought into it! Generic gifts like that are risky in my opinion - as you’ve shown, not everyone drinks; not everyone can eat chocolate etc. if they’re spending such a large sum of money it would have been wise to learn whether those things would be of any use to you! A shame on this occasion certainly and I’m sure the parents would be mortified if they knew they’d gifted you items you couldn’t enjoy. I hope you can give the hamper to a good home.

Glitterbaby17 · 21/07/2023 09:04

I have organised class gifts (not for the glory but because I got roped into it when I offered to do Secretary/minutes for the PTA as I work and am not often at school pick up etc. No one would be horrified at you exchanging if you have a nut allergy, we do vouchers and a token plant/box of chocs so there’s a physical thing to go with them because we know teachers like different things and let them choose. I wouldn’t ask the organising parent for the receipt though because they may well not have it (though I always photograph to prove I’ve spent total of contributions) and if they don’t have it and realise you can’t use it they will be upset. What I would do is ask the office that if the PTA ask for a list of staff for gifts next year (we make sure we cover TAs/cleaner/office staff) they include a note that you’re allergic to nuts so you don’t get a repeat…

vevyter · 21/07/2023 09:05

Could you resell it anywhere?

Luxell934 · 21/07/2023 09:05

She said she didn't drink for religious reason. So if OP is wearing a hijab or something similar it is a bit ignorant to buy her alcohol. In fact I wouldn't buy alcohol just to be on the safe side.

OP hasn’t mentioned that she wears a hijab or is even a Muslim though.

iwishiwasonhol · 21/07/2023 09:08

My sister is a teacher and says the best gift voucher she ever had was an amazon voucher ,she used it to buy the extra pens/pencils/rulers , star of the week prizes,some books for the library etc that she would normally buy out of her own money, If she gets wine /chocolate it gets used/ gifted for Christmas

PinkIcedCream · 21/07/2023 09:09

Definitely speak to the parent and ask for a receipt so that you can exchange it for vouchers. Be honest and tell them that you’re struggling with the increased cost of living, you appreciate the thought but you’d prefer to use the gift to supplement your food bill as that’s more of an urgent necessity for you right now.

If they’re offended, that’s their problem. They should have given more thought to why they chose to give you a useless hamper. I don’t drink either and am very fussy about food and I suspect that a lot of people find ready made food hampers poor very value for money.

Nogg · 21/07/2023 09:15

Hate hampers. My ex once gave me one for my birthday. although I specifically said to him no hampers and food. He had form for over priced food hamper gifts. 90 for some fruit dipped in chocolate through the post anyone YUK!! He would be believe me when I said most people didn’t. Like it. Cost £120 full of hideous food. I actually managed to return it which was a bonus. Sounds ungrateful but it felt like such a waste.

noapologies · 21/07/2023 09:21

This is such a thoughtless gift, OP. I also can't eat nuts and don't drink, so I wouldn't have been able to get much use out of it either!

I think the key thing to remember is that one parent made a shitty decision. Lots of others put money into this gift because they like and respect you. Their thoughts and best wishes are the real gift. Not the thought of the one who bought this for you!

Scottishgirl85 · 21/07/2023 09:22

You can't return a gift to the giver! Just donate and move on. Surely you shouldn't be relying on a parent gift to get by. I'm sorry you're struggling but if things are that tight you need to see if you're eligible for any benefits etc. It makes me so sad to hear a teacher is struggling.

Jigslaw · 21/07/2023 09:23

That sucks OP, I can see how it's disappointing and I think if those who donated money knew you wouldn't be able to enjoy it they'd also be upset. As is I would use the hamper itself in my classroom if continuing to teach EYFS for role play- picnics etc, enjoy the jam and donate the rest. I do think the chocolates would make a nice gift by themselves and the alcohol (although not sure of your stance on gifting alcohol) and the biscuits and other bits you can't eat maybe your children could choose someone they'd like to gift them to as a giving back type thing? They do look luxurious and I'm sure it'd make someone's day.

Please do ensure you're receiving all of the financial help you're entitled to.

DuchessOfSausage · 21/07/2023 09:25

@Scottishgirl85 , foodbanks won't accept alcohol.
it wasn't one parent, it was many.

To all the posters saying 'Facebook marketplace', what would you think if you had donated towards an end-of-year gift for a teacher, then saw the gift on your local facebook being sold. You wouldn't think 'Miss Jones couldn't use it because of an allergy" would you.

Jigslaw · 21/07/2023 09:27

You can claim UC as a single parent up to a fairly decent wage, I'm sure you've looked into it OP but in case please make sure you do and perhaps contact CAB for advice. It breaks my heart that teachers who do such an important job are struggling like this.

notamilf · 21/07/2023 09:27

This is exactly why I don't contribute to end of year collections for teachers. Imagine 20 years from now an entire generation of adults who were educated by absolute wet wipes.

Thegoodbadandugly · 21/07/2023 09:32

listsandbudgets · 20/07/2023 09:05

I think you should take the organising pare t to one side, thank her profusely but explain that while it was very kind and generous you are allergic to lots of the contents so you'd like to exchange as you don't want to waste it. If I'd donated towards this I wouldn't want to think the only benefit was a small jar of jam!!

I think that s is a good answer because I know I'd be absolutely mortified if I'd bought something and the person had not benefited from it however if she's anything like me I throw a lot of my receipts.

Jigslaw · 21/07/2023 09:46

notamilf · 21/07/2023 09:27

This is exactly why I don't contribute to end of year collections for teachers. Imagine 20 years from now an entire generation of adults who were educated by absolute wet wipes.

In what way is OP being a wet wipe? For not being able to afford food for her family despite working in a highly pressured job? For being allergic to nuts? For not drinking alcohol? For not wanting to ask a parent for an exchange so as not to case upset?

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 21/07/2023 09:52

Customer service online is different to the actual shop. Go into a store and explain I'm pretty sure you'd get a voucher.

But you're asking M&S to effectively give you a £75 donation, rather than a standard exchange, as they can't then resell the hamper. All this for an item that was not faulty and was accurately described, albeit a rip-off and not suitable for tee-totallers and those with a nut allergy.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 21/07/2023 10:06

Plumbear2 · 20/07/2023 09:11

This is why I have never given to group presents for teachers. I think hand written notes and a drawing from the child are much more appreciated. The organisers just do it for the glory 🙄

Errrrrrrrrrr

Nope, vouchers or cash are much more appreciated !

fruitbrewhaha · 21/07/2023 10:11

Shoes232 · 20/07/2023 09:10

As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard.

As a parent who contributes and has often organised the teacher’s gift I would rather you were honest. It’s not like they’ve given you a thing and you don’t like it, it’s totally inappropriate to give nuts and booze to you.

This is why I’ve always given John Lewis vouchers. You can buy what you want, food, booze, toiletries etc

anonanon22 · 21/07/2023 10:16

Goodness, I would never in that situation ask for a receipt. It would look quite ungrateful, so probably best to just try to go into M&S and convince them for a refund or voucher, or regifting.

WombatChocolate · 21/07/2023 10:16

It might well be that the organiser of group gifts would prefer honesty and to know the gift wasn’t suitable. They put the effort into the organising and choosing. However, what about the other twenty odd contributors who gave to a group gift for ease. You also have to think about their reaction to hearing the teacher has mentioned it’s not suitable or an exchange or gift receipt requested.

However nicely the teacher phrases it to the gift organiser, the message might not translate in the same terms to the rest of the class as the message ‘Teacher X didn’t like the gift and asked for something else’ gets out. Best avoided.

There are few givers of gifts you can ask for a receipt or alternative from. They need to be close friends or family. Clients, customers, parents etc and especially groups who have got together…just no.

Nogg · 21/07/2023 10:28

They topped up the hamper with a massive bunch of flowers which i can tell is worth a lot of money, some mugs and a Teddy bear

Unfortunately, some people despite their best intentions are just rubbish at buying gifts. I hate when people spend loads of money on flowers. They are a massive waste of money. They smell , you have to arrange them into a vase then they die after a couple of days. You have to pretend you are thrilled.

it’s disappointing but that is life. I bet the other parents thought it was a rubbish gift also.

HangingOver · 21/07/2023 11:06

If I had gifted it to you I would be mortified if you DIDN’T tell me it was unsuitable

This this this....

I'm really surprised so many people would find it rude. Surely you want the giftee to actually get some use/happiness out of the gift?

£75 worth of M&S vouchers when I was skint would have made me cry with happiness!