Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
doorstopper123 · 21/07/2023 07:29

As it's M&S, try returning it in the shop

This is why gift vouchers are a better gift for teachers. Thoughtless really. Especially given there's wine

doorstopper123 · 21/07/2023 07:38

You can definitely try to sell it. You may get £25

doorstopper123 · 21/07/2023 07:38

Whinge · 20/07/2023 09:21

A half bottle of wine?

Surely this is a regifted item?

I bet the other parents would be horrified to learn that the organiser has collected their money and given you one of their unwanted present. Shock

🤣

doorstopper123 · 21/07/2023 07:41

@Plumbear2

Surely they can have a voucher as well as 30 handwritten cards

Whattotrynow · 21/07/2023 07:42

I think the nut allergy gets you off the hook.

As a parent, I’d much rather the teacher asked if they could change it. I’d want them to have the benefit of the gift- not pass it on to neighbours.

I also think this is why these gifts are a total waste- m and s voucher would be better. ( but cash is best)

OhwhyOY · 21/07/2023 07:44

I would mention the situation to the parent. They wouldn't want it wasted and it sounds like you've tried every other avenue. I'd just say that you feel terrible about this but everyone has been so generous so you are and you don't want the gift to go to waste so you wondered if they would mind giving you the gift receipt so you could exchange it for something else. If I was the parent who bought this I'd definitely understand and give you the receipt without telling anyone else.

Beautiful3 · 21/07/2023 07:50

I actually do think you should ask the personnbwho gave it to you, if they'd mind giving you the receipt. Explain that the hamper is beautiful, but you're allergic to most contents. I'm pretty sure she'll help you. I'd rather you enjoy your gift, rather than give it away. As long as you ask nicely, it's okay. Also stops any more hampers coming your way. If you can't bring yourself to ask, then ask if she'd like the hamper back as it's a shame to waste a beautiful hamper as you're allergic.

Beautiful3 · 21/07/2023 07:51

Customer service online is different to the actual shop. Go into a store and explain I'm pretty sure you'd get a voucher.

FUPAgirl · 21/07/2023 08:03

OP I actually WOULD go to the parent and ask for the receipt, letting them know you love the gifts but unfortunately have a serious nut allergy so cannot open the hamper in your home. You know they put lots of thought in so would rather swap it for a nut free version than have it go to waste. I would have thought no one would be offended by that? I wouldn't mention the alcohol though!

However you need to stop fixating on the price of the jam, you know it isn't true that it cost £75 for jam and I know you say you are struggling for money - but many / most of these parents will be earning less than a teachers wage.

Just focus on the allergy aspect, none of the rest of it actually matters.

And don't EXPECT vouchers in the future please, most of us are struggling at the minute, I am afraid I didn't contribute at all this year to the 'vouchers' as my kids have to come first. Teachers are well paid and honestly shouldn't 'expect' anything, sorry!

fuckthemail · 21/07/2023 08:09

Facebook marketplace perhaps.

DustyLee123 · 21/07/2023 08:18

I would regift the contents

XelaM · 21/07/2023 08:21

I actually see nothing wrong with asking for the receipt if you can't use the gift gor religious reasons or allergies 🤷‍♀️

Suunnyd · 21/07/2023 08:23

Shoes232 · 20/07/2023 09:10

As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard.

I totally agree with this. As a parent, im happy to contribute to a gift but i wouldnt give a teacher cash and id be horrified if thats what was requested. And definitely dont tell them your short on money it's really inappropriate. A gift in my opinion shouldn't be relied on or expected so accept it in the manner it was given. Most people dont receive gifts for doing theit jobs.

Lipolass · 21/07/2023 08:24

She said she didn't drink for religious reason. So if OP is wearing a hijab or something similar it is a bit ignorant to buy her alcohol. In fact I wouldn't buy alcohol just to be on the safe side.

I’m a white, non-hijab wearing Muslim. Lots of Muslims don’t wear hijab (far more don’t than do in the country). You’d never assume my religion by looking at me. Religion is about faith, not how you look. Also, there are other religions where people don’t drink, including some Christians.

The parent made the wrong call here, but I can’t believe any malice was intended.

XelaM · 21/07/2023 08:26

I don't understand why everyone is so against asking for a receipt if the gift can't be used? What's the big deal in asking for a receipt? I'm a parent and I'd rather the teacher had something they could use than a useless hamper they're allergic to

XelaM · 21/07/2023 08:26

Giving gifts with nuts is really ignorant anyway as schools are usually nut-free zones

MeridianB · 21/07/2023 08:32

YANBU! I've been class rep a few times and would not be remotely upset or offended if a teacher asked to do this.

ChrisPPancake · 21/07/2023 08:32

If you're having a different class next year @Bunny93 then I'd start early with the 'Ms X is allergic to nuts' info so you don't get a repeat of this!

MRex · 21/07/2023 08:38

This is exactly why we give the teachers and TAs John Lewis vouchers.

Honestly, stop listening to people here. Anybody going to the effort to collect money and buy a gift is a person who wants you to know you are appreciated. So just ask "It was so kind of you to get me a hamper, unfortunately I'm allergic to nuts, so I wondered if you have the receipt still for me to swap it? No problem if not, I'll find it a home."

Repts · 21/07/2023 08:40

OP, have you thought about selling it on? Vinted, eBay, Facebook - just a thought as to not waste it (as you've already said you couldn't re-gift and obviously won't be using it yourself). Just an idea, so you could at least get something more than a £75 jam jar!

Zanatdy · 21/07/2023 08:41

You can exchange without receipt, maybe exchange it for some food from M&S. I personally would avoid asking for the receipt and they might not have it anyway.

Pigtailsandall · 21/07/2023 08:41

As a parent who suggested a cash collection for the teacher and TAs this year, I wouldn't be at all upset with being asked for a receipt but I understand that it is incredibly awkward. Could you gift the items to TAs/reception staff/kitchen staff instead if you can't exchange them? They often get nothing at all but also work hard.

We just did a collection for my DCs class and raised a decent chunk. One of the parents suggested we buy a Nespresso machine for the teacher....I asked them if they knew if the teacher liked coffee/had wanted one and she said No, but doesn't everyone like coffee? Lol. I'm glad a few other people piped up too so we ended up with John Lewis/Waitrose vouchers instead.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 21/07/2023 08:49

listsandbudgets · 20/07/2023 09:05

I think you should take the organising pare t to one side, thank her profusely but explain that while it was very kind and generous you are allergic to lots of the contents so you'd like to exchange as you don't want to waste it. If I'd donated towards this I wouldn't want to think the only benefit was a small jar of jam!!

This.

Tell them you don't drink and are allergic to nuts! They'll be mortified and, bonus, will know better in future years!

Happyhappyeveryday · 21/07/2023 08:53

Callywals · 20/07/2023 09:05

I'd ask for the receipt and explain exactly what you've said here. The class obviously think a lot of you and I'm sure everyone who has contributed to this gift would want you to have something you really wanted. If I was one of the parents I'd completely understand. It's a complete waste if the items are of no use to you.

I agree, but check first if food hampers are returnable- if they aren’t you’ll just have to regift. Perhaps make into several small packages for birthdays or thank yous? This will save you money longer term, so it won’t have been a waste.

XelaM · 21/07/2023 08:54

MRex · 21/07/2023 08:38

This is exactly why we give the teachers and TAs John Lewis vouchers.

Honestly, stop listening to people here. Anybody going to the effort to collect money and buy a gift is a person who wants you to know you are appreciated. So just ask "It was so kind of you to get me a hamper, unfortunately I'm allergic to nuts, so I wondered if you have the receipt still for me to swap it? No problem if not, I'll find it a home."

THIS!!

Don't listen to Mumsnet and speak to the parent organiser. It's really no big deal.