AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

There’s a whole world of difference between wanting to exchange a gift because it’s not to your taste and wanting to exchange it because it would literally make you ill. Surely anyone can see that?

There’s also a big difference (I think) between a gift chosen by a single random parent and a gift chosen by someone who has elected themselves the gift-chooser for an entire class. If you’ve taken on that role, and you’re effectively spending other parents’ money, you ought to put a bit more thought into the gift you’re choosing.

I’m sorry @Bunny93. If it makes you feel any better, I bet your pupils love you - and I hope you got 25 handmade cards telling you so along with your unusable hamper!

As someone else said, I think you have bigger problems if you’re relying on gifts from parents to supplement income.
If you are struggling financially then why not do some private tutoring. Tutors where I live (Yorkshire)are charging £30 p/h.

Thank you that is so sweet.

I adore my class. Each and every one of them is amazing and I definitely got loads of wonderful pictures and notes from them. They are all around my living room and my little girl keeps taking them down and reading them, asking me who made each one and wanting to know all about the child who made it.

This is a good idea and I have considered it, but I am also a single mum to a 3yo and 4yo so it wouldn't be possible. I can't get evening childcare and don't think I could mentally take on evening work anyway. I want to be a good mother and teacher to my children and current students and this would stretch my mental health so thin I am worried I wouldn't cope. But thank you for trying to think of a solution which could have helped me financially.

I’ve given M&S chocolates and biscuits for as long as I can remember (except one who was vegan and we gave her vegan friendly candles..) from what I understand some of the teachers share them with rest of teachers anyway. It’s a safe option I know, but If someone has a nut allergy, don’t drink it’s the best option… only once I’ve put dd’s name to a group present which was 2020, one of the parents had a design printing business and organised a print with all of the kids, I offered to pay but they declined. Otherwise I usually do my own.

“How much glory do you think comes with having to keep reminding parents to give to the teacher collection.”

I think it is appalling that you think it is acceptable to badger parents for money like this. Some parents may genuinely be struggling to feed and clothe themselves and their family, but you think that they have to give towards a teachers gift. If they don’t give when asked, you think that they should be continually reminded to contribute! Parents should be asked once, if they would like to give towards a teacher’s gift. If they don’t give, that should be it, they shouldn’t be continually asked again.

You may be able to spare the money, but others may not and they should not be made to feel awkward and embarrassed about not being able to contribute.

Sell it on FB for a tenner less than the purchase price.

Oh no, that's really bad luck. I do think they should have done a bit more research about your tastes before shelling out for something pricey.

Honestly I would flog it for half price on local facebook if you can't exchange it.

Regardless of what they said on the phone I would take it to M&S if it’s unopened. Explain it was a gift and ask if you can exchange due to allergies. If they say no they say no but people are more flexible in person.

If you actually had no intention of asking for the receipt then why post? Just to complain about your rubbish gift? Because you were so disappointed you didn’t get your gift vouchers? Honestly OP, I would have took the gift, thanked parents profusely, and then laughed about it after with colleagues that I don’t drink and I’m allergic to nuts and then not given it a second thought to be honest.

@Mindovermatter247 actually M&S have some lovely vegan treats.

OP I’d be gutted with a £75 jar of jam 😭

As an organiser Ive missed out on the ‘glory’ - what exactly is it?

How and when is this research supposed to happen? In our school it would need to be during the 4 minutes a year you get to speak to a teacher at parents evening, or sending in a reception age child to find out if Ms likes a glass of wine.

I'd be honest with them thank them immensely and say I'm so grateful for this gift and so thoughtful but unfortunately due to medical conditions beyond your control you can't enjoy it and say I'm so sorry to ask and I feel so bad for asking but would it be possible to get the receipt so I could exchange it for an allergy free basket obviously you'll be buying food but that's how I'd word it or go to m&s and as if they could refund you with a gift card I'm sure they do that good luck be honest if there good friends they will understand

A wasted gift is always a shame but I think as it’s not from friends or family you can’t do a lot about it without seeming ungrateful. Rather than giving the items to a charity shop why not consider giving the food items to a food bank so someone struggling (who doesn’t have nut allergies!) can have a treat? And if you’re struggling, consider using a food bank yourself, there is absolutely no shame in it. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time at the moment x

Off topic to what you asked but noticed you said you were struggling a bit. Money Saving expert has a page on his website with ideas of how to boost your income

Just split it up and eat the Jam. Put the rest in the food bank and find someone to give the wine to. Your neighbour at christmas?

I am very surprised that the school hasn’t made it aware to the parents that teacher had a nut allergy

most schools are nut free but ours would have def mentioned in newsletter about a teacher having an allergy and making sure no one would be Having nuts did breakfast

going forward m&s are usually very god at swapping stuff so I would take to local store and explain - assume it’s unopened

it’s also why we as a class give vouchers that can be used widely so that our teacher can choose what they want

@Bunny93 As someone who has organised these collections more times than I ever wanted too (definitely not for the glory).

I would not be offended or upset at all and would do whatever I could to return and give a voucher. (Just would appreciate it being spoken about away from children).

No one wants a load of stuff they can’t use!

Parents often give me bottles of wine - sometimes champagne! I don't drink, so I just give it to someone else.
Gifts from parents/children are tricky, because it's such a kind and generous thing to do. I'd hate to offend. I would just share the items round the staffroom.

She said she didn't drink for religious reason. So if OP is wearing a hijab or something similar it is a bit ignorant to buy her alcohol. In fact I wouldn't buy alcohol just to be on the safe side.

This 👌

Maybe they didn't want to give or couldn't afford to give? I would dislike being asked that very much. Just let parents give if they want to.