Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

[Sallyrush]

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

Tbh none of you seem like the sort of people suited to this type of shared accommodation/split cost holiday. You think your household should be subsidised by them because you’re a single income family but the cost of the villa is the cost, it’s not based on income. Your siblings sound just as bad (maybe worse) banging on about who pays the most tax and who might eat the most fruit ffs!

It all just sounds quite petty and as though each of you will be mentally noting how many ice creams or slices of pizza each kid had so you can feel hard done by. I doubt it will be any cheaper to book your own separate accommodation but at least it will avoid nitpicking over who ate the most bananas or used the most toilet roll…

We have this situation in our family. We pay per person, however the children of the LP gets treated by the other adults. It's a shame on your children, but don't go again. Of course it should be per adult. There's very little compassion for you or your children, if the split is recent. Your brother is an arsehole but his attitude from people who get a big share of the wage budget so pay higher tax and don't get any benefits, is becoming more and more common.

if you haven’t booked and you say you wouldn’t go again then why book? you’re right-it should be split per person. and I would imagine as there’s an extra room her kids won’t be sharing either. Effectively they are asking you to subsidise their family holiday. It doesn’t matter that your child eats more fruit-they have an extra adult! Who no doubt will be drinking alcohol etc.

I also agree that your per person compromise is much fairer btw, I would never expect my single sibling and family to pay the same as us when we have 2 incomes coming in. Bloody shameful and tight fisted. Xx Hope you can put it behind you and maybe don't go away with them again after this its not worth the stress. X

We sometimes go away as a family group which includes MIL as the only single person. We always split per person.

I’m with the single parent.

we already get a bum deal at attractions (2 adults kids go free or family tickets that don’t save us any money but do if there are more adults)
we don’t have that second income coming in.
We don’t really get the holiday as we can’t share the parenting like a couple.
it should be per person for everything.

meals out you should pay for yourselves.

But in a villa it’s not just about use of the room, it’s also communal area. They will use more space around the living room, table, more time in the bathroom etc.

So your siblings are asking you, a single parent, to subsidise their holiday and food? That’s crazy!
It’s per adult if everyone has kids. She’s saying your 8 year old eats more fruit but you’re the one being petty? It’s not you soiling the holiday vibes. Will they make you pay a third if you eat out?
The only possible justification would be if you were a much higher earner, but you’re not so they are just dicks.

4 people use more shared living space than 3!

It’s not her entitlement. It’s reasonable adjustments. 4 adults (2 couples) will make more use of a 7 bed villa than 1 adult. Fact.

2 men, 2 women, a 14yo and 3 other kids will eat more than 1 adult and her 8yo and other child. Fact.

I would split the villa by thirds.

I would split the food on a per person basis ad there are no very young chilfren.

There are 4+4+3=11 people. OP is responsible for 3 of them, so pays 3/11 of the food bill. A bit more than 1/4. Easy to work out on a smartphone.

Why do people keep mentioning incomes? They are irrelevant.

When have you ever had the cost of something decided by your income? The price is the price and either you can afford it or you can't. Their 2 incomes could equal less than another person's single income.

Rooms per family. Food per head. But re the smaller villa and family 3 all in one room, would a villa with a room that fitted a family not be just as expensive?

I would feel so upset too if I were you. It's the failure to acknowledge that you are in a difficult situation and it's your family. What an uncaring approach from them. I wouldn't want to go. It just doesn't show a bothered response to the fact that your life has changed. Very mean of them.

I think your siblings are being really mean. My DSIS is now a single parent and there is no way I would make her pay the same as us (still 2 parent family) as us. I love her and want her to have a holiday with no money stress. And she earns as much as me and DH put together!

Sorry, meant to say different, not difficult!

Food should be split by adult.

It's quick and simple.

Why should you subsidise them?

Willyou have a meal out? Will you be expected to sub them then?

Because they’re not strangers sharing a bill they are family and most families would jump at the opportunity to help out their sister who is on a lower income and us a single parent. But instead they are arguing that she should pay more than her fair share.

Gosh. You’re nice. I’m sure all the single people will be very grateful you don’t care to socialise with them!! I’m not pleading poverty, when have I said that?
Regarding the rooms I couldn’t give a sh*t which room I get. Last holiday I shared with my son and niece in the room one one else wanted. I sleep there. That’s it.

I don’t understand the argument that family 1 & 2 are subsidising family 3 if the cost is per adult. Surely that’s the fair split and family 3 is actually subsidising the others if it’s split per room?

You are not renting rooms in a house share or a hotel. You have jointly decided to go on holiday as a group of adults and you have jointly found a villa that will meet your joint requirements for the holiday - with space to relax, eat and sleep for you all - you then split that holiday cost evenly amongst all the adults. Ditto for food.

Unless someone has got a particularly bum deal in terms of sleeping arrangements there shouldn’t be any need to take bedrooms into account.

OP, I can see why you're frustrated at the lack of empathy or acknowledgement here from your siblings. It's the principle as much as anything. I'd agree that accommodation split equally or slightly less from you, with food & drinks split proportionally.

Me and DP have 3 kids, my SIL and BIL have 1, all similar ages. We go away together and split accommodation 50/50 (4 kids share 2 rooms) but pay for food and drinks proportionally (eg a kitty with 100 in for each adult/50 for each kid, so they'd pay £250 we'd pay £350). And we generally pay for dinner out last night to balance accommodation piece.

I would write your sister a letter explaining how you feel, wishing them a nice holiday and that you're sad the cousins can't holiday together but you don't feel the foundation is there for a week together given the circumstances, their closing ranks on this issue and their inability to see your POV. Make another plan to go with a friend. Or at the very least, if you go this year and pay to keep the peace and don't go again, and I'd just observe the amount of wine drunk across the 5 adults and food across the group and see if your gut is right. Those serves as examples to illustrate your point for next year.

People are suggesting cost (accomodation and food) be split by person.

Incomes are mentioned because OP’s sister and @BluNomad think it’s ridiculous for a single mum to quibble over a few quid.

OP says her sister said: They are sticking to their guns and the implication is I am being difficult and petty. my sisters words were ‘we can’t be having this every time we book something. It puts a damper on it already’ to which I responded ‘which is why I’m trying to sort this out now for things in the future’.

No wonder we always go on holiday on our own!

Just to be clear, not that it’s any concern of anyone’s or should be used in judgment, I am not on any benefits and my siblings earn well over double than what I do. My brothers salary alone is almost double mine.

Actually the more I think about it the more I think they’re being CFs OP! Basically it’s like 1 adult in each of their partnerships is getting a free ride on the accommodation front. There are 2 of them using all the facilities of the house.

Perhaps you should suggest a rule that only one of them at a time can be in the shared space since they have only contributed half what they should.