Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

[Sallyrush]

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

im not pleading poverty and this years holiday was 3 nights in Dorset 😊

We have similar in our family, it tends to work out that we pay slightly more.

I tend to make the bookings when we do a group trip so just subsidise it a little bit without making a big deal about it on the basis that we'll take up more space than they do, our household income is over double theirs, and that if I'm honest with myself I'm a bit of a bougie bitch so pick the fancy cottages, whereas my siblings would be happier to cut their cloth accordingly. It all works out in the end!

Single parent here. I would not be happy splitting the costs equally either. Just to note most of the big tour operators (TUI, Jet 2, First choice) offer a single parent discount, as they recognise its tough taking your children away on a single wage. If the travel company's recognise this, why can't you as friends recognise the same?

Yes. I can afford it and I will go because they are are my siblings and I lost my parents in the last few years and they are important to me.
its also not ‘a few quid’. I don’t feel entitled. I am upset that my siblings seem to show no understanding or refuse to even engage in discussing a compromise, and that I’m petty.

You really aren’t very nice are you. I hope you never fall on hard times or your partner leaves you.

@BluNomad one person pays bills rather than 2. It’s not pleading poverty, it’s having less disposable income than a couple would!

I'd be pissed off too, OP.

Split by person, with the adults being a full portion and the kids being a half, would be fair to me.

Well I posted here to get some different POV and 78% of mumsnet agree with me.

Definitely split food per person not per family
If adults are siblings and single parent is struggling I think I would lean toward splitting the cost to help them out a bit. But you could also take into account each families financial circumstances.
All using same facilities but they have one less adult using those facilities....otherwise they are perfectly entitled to bring a friend.

I'd suck up the accommodation but I'd be digging my heels in over the food split.

What have you decided to do about food, OP? Could you take your own and opt out of theirs? For 3 nights it seems doable?

Ha ha!! You have made me laugh because this totally must sound like we are all nightmares!!
We actually are close and all get on very well (which is maybe why I’m more upset than if Wes weren’t close) We are also outspoken which although means we are honest with each other can be fractious at times 😊

I’d split the cost by rooms. Sure you’re willing to share but the option isn’t this villa or a smaller one. It’s this is the villa, this is the cost figure by rooms.

Food should be a big pot everyone pays into based on people or people just pay as they go.

You’re over egging the whole but oooo I’m a single parent. You could be a couple on minimum wage and earn less than a single person. Your complaint really is that compared to you even one sibling alone earns over double of what you do.

Family 3 is right. And Families 1 and 2 should be ashamed of themselves because obviously Family 3 will be finding things tighter financially with two children and one income (obviously, as this is an issue that's been raised). They're supposed to be looking out for each other, not themselves, as they're siblings!

Food is shockingly expensive right now. Family 3's single adult should not be subsidizing Families 1 and 2 two extra adults (spouses).

Op

im so sorry that this is happening to you. Do they know you earn much less? Do they think somehow you are rolling in money?

I think it’s appalling and very unfair. Money does bring out the worst in some people.

Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face though by refusing anymore trips - just make sure the price is more reasonable next time.

Feel sorry for these people that they have lost their sense of kindness and compassion!

Oh and have a fab break

Try another tack- suggest you bring an adult female friend to share the room with you. As you are splitting food and villa 1/3 each there should be no extra cost to this( as it is then 3 groups of 4 people)
I bet they won't want a stranger coming and sharing facilities so will have to back down on the cost sharing

food and most obviously booze should be split per number of people/adults, but I tend to think that the cost of the villa should be split per bedroom used up buy each family - because the number of bedrooms is what's driving the need for a place of that size?

I think the cost should be per adult, given that all the families have 2 children and they are close in age. I'd feel very tempted to bring a friend - preferably one with a large appetite!

Accommodation should be split three ways because it's a fixed cost and the adults have chosen the villa.

I don't think the single parent should be able to avoid that by saying they only have one income or they'd happily have a smaller villa and share with their kids. It's sort of obvious that couples wouldn't want to share a room with their teenage children on holiday and it sounds like the single person is clutching at straws.

Food should be split by person though.

If your siblings are so hard of thinking that they can't see that each married sibling is paying for half a room each whereas you are paying for a whole room by yourself you are never going to get them to see sense.

I imagine they expect you to spend as much on their birthday/Xmas presents on your own as they do as a couple for you.

Honestly your siblings sound like they are being dicks. If you have to go with it this year then do, but for future years get your own place to save your relationship with them. FWIW I would split either by person or by adult. And 100% would be treating the kid from the single parent family especially as you say it’s first year doing this

Cost should definitely be split per adult, or at the very least per person. I can't imagine treating my sibling like this, most people I know would want to make life easier on the single parent sibling.

This. Absolutely all of this. You need space to wind down in between being together. Different parenting styles ( children going to bed at usual time v other children staying up until midnight 'because we're on holiday' so there's no adult time etc etc. Expensive, stressful and a PITA. Just wait til the 'alpha' couple decide they are having the seaview bedroom with roll top bath in the window whilst the single parent gets the twin room at the back overlooking the carparking and a wall ( personal experience) because you're on your own so don't need those things ( that you have paid a third of)

There is an awful lot of assumptions about single parents on here

I would really be upset if my siblings wanted me to subsidise their partners food. Why should you pay for the same food as two adults?

I wouldn't go.

I wouldn’t go either. Your siblings are awful, quite frankly.

My mum and aunt used to argue over costs - but the other way around. My mum insisted on an equal split. My aunt always tried to pay more because she had one more child.