Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

[Sallyrush]

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

Sorry should make this clear this is about our holiday this year not the one we are looking at now.

Then pay it or let them down & don’t go. You cannot assume people think like you do or want to subsidise your stay

I guess your DC are going to drink more alcohol than hers as well as more fruit???

With the food issue, they’re expecting you to subsidise their stay on one salary.

They're not subsidising her stay. She's subsidising them

It’s a difficult one. What if it was a scenario where a single person earned more than the joint salaries of a couple, would you think it was fair then? (You could say you’d change the rules in that circumstance, but means the principle isn’t just set in stone). Or if you were all hiring a separate identical cottage each on a holiday site- would you expect your siblings to subsidise yours? Essentially everyone needs a room, so needs to pay for that room- yes of course it’s likely to be easier for a couple to manage that cost, but I’m not sure it means it’s then the couple’s responsible to subside anyone who is single. Having said all that- I WOULD do it for a single sibling if I loved them and wanted a holiday with them and knew they earned less than me and DH jointly. But it sounds like your siblings have said they’re not happy to do that, maybe they don’t earn as well as you think?

To be honest I don't agree with those saying pay per adult.

That would mean if the villa was £1000

1&2 would pay £400 each
OP pays £200

Your holiday shouldn't be half the price of the others for having one less person. Maybe a slight reduction, but your family is more than 1/5 of the total so you should be paying more than 1/5 of the cost.

But it sounds like OP will be subsidising her siblings and their partners to have a nice big villa, with an extra room that no one wants to pay for but who OP’s sister will nab for her kids.

I'd book your own separate villa if they're being difficult. Just say you can't afford to pay the extra for a 7 bed place. Re split I'd probably have gone with paying per room for accommodation and per person for food (with kids as a half share and adults a full share), but given the situation you describe that you need 6 bedrooms and will have 7 it doesn't make sense to pay per room. I think either pay per person with adults a full share and kids a half share or get your own place. Based on what has been said according to your posts though I think single villa is the way to go. Just say you've had an unexpected bill and can't afford the 7 bed place now anyway, though you still think the split they proposed is unfair for future shares .

She’s using exactly the same rooms/facilities as them, she pays for that

I would never expect one of my sisters to pay the same if she was a single parent in this situation. Don't go.

Are you wealthier than them? I'm just wondering if this is why they are being so tight and mean-spirited.

The point I was trying to make is that you wouldn't usually take income into account when paying for a group holiday or outing

It's unlikely both of the other families earn exactly the same - should the one who earns more pay for more? No, because they all get to enjoy the holiday.

It's not too reasonable to examine everyone's finances when splitting the bill.

This is a warning. Don’t do it. The holiday will be awful. Insist on staying independently.

People these days are often selfish and unkind. I would ask a single sibling to pay less without question.

Agreed. Awful of families 1 & 2 to think that their single sibling should subsidise their food and drink. Accommodation not an issue as everyone getting the same.

But the sister has form for giving her children two rooms, so will likely use 3 rooms.

‘think splitting fairly is petty same as people who drink a bottle of wine think it should be split even if you drink one coke’

So true.

Also, men eat more too. OP would be subsidising food for two men and a 14yo.

Then take it up with her if she does, you can’t base your opinion on something someone might do

No, better to address it now and ask to book a smaller villa that OP is not subsidising.

If OP tells siblings niece can’t have 3rd bedroom on the holiday, she will be accused of being petty because the room is sitting empty.

As others have said per room for accommodation is fair, per family for food is not.

Spot on. Explain you only have budget for your food & drinks / shared room.

Don’t do it. Book your own villa with your kids, trust your gut on this. People who haven’t been single parents don’t understand what it is to be a single parent. That’s not their fault, but a good reason to keep some things separate.

It’s the food that would tip it for me, and I’d not go.

£30 worth of food, say, is bought. OP pays £10, but the other adults pay £5 each.

I can’t conceive of expecting a one salary family to pay the same as a two salary family. So unfair and thoughtless! The person who has less money pays twice as much? Not reasonable.
I went away in large groups of local families and we broke down the cost as per 1 adult, children not counted.

As a PP suggested, find something different for you and your DC. Tell the others you can’t afford it.

I think your siblings are being a bit unkind @Sallyrush

I don't think it's fair for a single parent to pay the same as a couple. Now it has become awkward when they should have been more understanding of your financial constraints from the start.