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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

437 replies

Sallyrush · 20/07/2023 05:05

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

OP posts:
RhubarbFairy · 20/07/2023 07:03

We did this a few years ago, but with parents.
Family 1: Us. 2 adults. 2 DC
Family 2: 2 adults
Family 3: 1 adult.

We split the cost per person for accommodation.
If the 4 of us went away without extended family, we'd pay per person. Why should the others subsidise our holiday? Naturally, we paid more because there are more of us.

We paid for most of the food shop, but the others chucked in, too. We didn't get too hung up on that. Everyone was pretty easygoing if we had food, drinks, or snacks out, and it was a fairly even split, but done informally,'I'll get these, you got the last one'.

HoppingPavlova · 20/07/2023 07:03

Not enough info. For example the suggestion of splitting per person including adult/child inclusive of food etc would be relevant if all kids were roughly the same age, but a 1yo won’t eat nearly the same amount as a 10yo for example. So a family with 2 kids age 1 and 3 would likely ‘cost’ the same as a family with 1 child age 10. How is that dealt with. It all becomes so complicated so if everyone is using the same number of rooms roughly, I would just split it per family.

UndercoverCop · 20/07/2023 07:04

We went away with DN SIL and DNs they have two children and we have one, we didn't share accommodation it was a hotel, but the premise is the same.
They were happy to all bundle in to a family room with a sofa bed, we prefer our own space so booked a two bed suite. It cost us more because we had more accommodation. If we'd had the same accommodation it would've cost the same.
In your situation each family has two bedrooms so the cost should be split equally. Food per person because the single parent family will have less food than a couple

Nagado · 20/07/2023 07:04

If they’re siblings and can afford to rent a 7 bedroom villa between them, then I’d split the cost whichever way the family on the lowest income wanted to split it.

We go away with my DB and SiL for a cheapy UK break each year. This year, we’ve paid for 99% of it because they are broke and we’d rather have that time away with them than haggle over a few pounds. I appreciate that the cost of a 7 bedroom villa is going to be more than a few pounds, but it’s all relative to income. So I suppose it depends on what is more important to the other two families; that everything is totally equal or that all of you are able to spend that time together.

chocolateisavegetable · 20/07/2023 07:04

On the face of it, it would be fair to split accommodation costs evenly, but food definitely by person. In reality, as it’s siblings, it would be nice if the duel income families could help out the single parent financially if able to
do so

RichardsGear · 20/07/2023 07:04

Well that's just shit OP and I'm sorry your family is treating you like that. You may have to be blunt and say you can't afford it, especially when you've offered to share in a different villa and they're adamant they want this one.

AutumnCrow · 20/07/2023 07:05

sweepleall · 20/07/2023 07:03

I would have assumed that one of the children might want or need more privacy/quiet and would nab it - if more than one of the children were in that position, they might take turns. So that could well be the single parent's children.

Show quote history

Not by the sounds of her last post.

MyTruthIsOut · 20/07/2023 07:05

Sallyrush · 20/07/2023 07:02

OK. So I am family 3.

When I suggested cost per adult (like other posters have said we all have 2 kids so I was ignoring them!) this was a definite no, mainly based on each family having ‘2’ rooms and us all using the same facilities.

I agreed about the faculties but pointed out the villa we are looking at has 7 bedrooms so is irrelevant but I am more than happy to look for alternatives and share with my kids (if we go on holiday we always share one room) however this is the Villa everyone else seems to want.

So I suggested per person as that is, IMO, fair. If the boot was on the other foot and my siblings were the single parents I would never expect them to pay the same as the people with 2 salaries.

They are sticking to their guns and the implication is I am being difficult and petty.
my sisters words were ‘we can’t be having this every time we book something. It puts a damper on it already’ to which I responded ‘which is why I’m trying to sort this out now for things in the future’.

When I said I wanted to split food costs she said it was ridiculous and my son eats more fruit so should she be paying the same and if this is the route we are going down then she’s not interested in going. My son is 8. Hers is 14.

I feel very hurt and as some people have said ‘ganged up on’. My kids will be so upset if I say I’m not going and worry it will cause a rift in the long term.

We lost our mum and step dad in the past couple of years so they are the only family I have.

They sound absolutely vile!!

How on earth can anyone treat their sibling this way?! How can they be this hurtful?

Ot might upset your children if you don’t go but how could you even bear to be near your siblings both when you know how little respect and empathy they have towards you.

I would be so incredibly upset if I were you 😢

I’m astounded by this.

Lacucuracha · 20/07/2023 07:06

Sallyrush · 20/07/2023 07:02

OK. So I am family 3.

When I suggested cost per adult (like other posters have said we all have 2 kids so I was ignoring them!) this was a definite no, mainly based on each family having ‘2’ rooms and us all using the same facilities.

I agreed about the faculties but pointed out the villa we are looking at has 7 bedrooms so is irrelevant but I am more than happy to look for alternatives and share with my kids (if we go on holiday we always share one room) however this is the Villa everyone else seems to want.

So I suggested per person as that is, IMO, fair. If the boot was on the other foot and my siblings were the single parents I would never expect them to pay the same as the people with 2 salaries.

They are sticking to their guns and the implication is I am being difficult and petty.
my sisters words were ‘we can’t be having this every time we book something. It puts a damper on it already’ to which I responded ‘which is why I’m trying to sort this out now for things in the future’.

When I said I wanted to split food costs she said it was ridiculous and my son eats more fruit so should she be paying the same and if this is the route we are going down then she’s not interested in going. My son is 8. Hers is 14.

I feel very hurt and as some people have said ‘ganged up on’. My kids will be so upset if I say I’m not going and worry it will cause a rift in the long term.

We lost our mum and step dad in the past couple of years so they are the only family I have.

Ok, with new info that they want a 7 bed villa and you would be happy with a smaller villa, and also the disparity in ages (a 14yo will eat much more than an 8yo), YANBU.

It sounds like even if they agree to your suggestion, this holiday will be fraught with tension, so I would back out now and go away with just your dc or with a friend.

LaPerduta · 20/07/2023 07:06

MoreCoffeeAndCake · 20/07/2023 07:01

I don't understand why people are basing on bedrooms.

Is the entire holiday going to be spent in the bedroom? Are both adults in the 2 parent families not using the communal spaces? Are both adults taking up only one spot on the sofa, is only one dining chair needed for both of them, etc?

Exactly! I've read the whole thread wondering why nobody has made this point.

In a villa you're also paying for living areas, kitchen, bathrooms, probably a pool, outside space, etc. The single parent is using 1/5 of those, not 1/3.

sweepleall · 20/07/2023 07:07

LaPerduta · 20/07/2023 07:06

Exactly! I've read the whole thread wondering why nobody has made this point.

In a villa you're also paying for living areas, kitchen, bathrooms, probably a pool, outside space, etc. The single parent is using 1/5 of those, not 1/3.

Show quote history

Why 1/5? I would see it as 3/11

BluNomad · 20/07/2023 07:08

I’m with them on accommodation cost (you are using the same facilities as other families) they shouldn’t have to subsidise you & as they both feel same way you’ll have to suck it up but food shouldn’t be split equally, can’t you just buy for your family & let them get their own?

LakieLady · 20/07/2023 07:08

I think your siblings are being mean, OP, especially if they are 2-income families.

PlasticineKing · 20/07/2023 07:09

I’m sorry your sister is being such a dick.

The telling thing here would be if you did decide not to go, would they stick with the same villa?

Would be interesting to know rough ages for all families too, but if she’s saying your 10 year olds fruit consumption levels out to what her 14 year old eats, I think she’s likely a bit deluded.

saraclara · 20/07/2023 07:09

As your children are excited about the trip, I'd go if you can manage to find the money. But it would be my last holiday with the siblings.

Original poster
Sallyrush · 20/07/2023 07:09

Kids range from 9-14. Food wise they probably all eat roughly the same

OP posts:
LaPerduta · 20/07/2023 07:10

sweepleall · 20/07/2023 07:07

Why 1/5? I would see it as 3/11

Show quote history

Yes, it is 3/11. I was ignoring the kids as each family has the same number.

ChipsAreLife · 20/07/2023 07:10

Before I read your update I was thinking 1&2 should pay a bit more than 3 if they can, because they're family and I would help my siblings out if I could.

Based on the update I wouldn't go. Being petty over who eats the most fruit before you've even gone?! No thanks. If they can't see that a family with an extra adult will almost certainly spend more on food and booze etc then it's going to be hard work.

I know you said the kids love their cousins but I would be really thinking if it's worth it!

sheeplikessleep · 20/07/2023 07:10

A 14 year old will eat twice what an 8 year old eats.
Plus they’ve stipulated this villa so need to pay proportionately more.
What an awful situation and I understand the pressure for the kids to enjoy it.
I would specify a budget for accommodation you can pay, provide alternatives, say you’re happy to share a bedroom with your kids and be firm on what you can contribute.
Sorry, this doesn’t bode well for a nice holiday and I can’t believe your siblings are lacking such empathy.

jannier · 20/07/2023 07:10

Split by bedroom used.
With food.....the ones who eat more always think splitting fairly is petty same as people who drink a bottle of wine think it should be split even if you drink one coke

ZenNudist · 20/07/2023 07:10

AutieNOT0tie · 20/07/2023 05:53

I agree accommodation should be per room. But food and other expenses per person .

This but presumably single parent would just get one room if they holiday alone with dc. Split per person is fair here.

Meeting · 20/07/2023 07:11

I'm just going to repeat my earlier post.

This is not going to work out.

MoreCoffeeAndCake · 20/07/2023 07:12

Sorry OP, sounds like your family is booking a holiday that's not really affordable for you. If they want a fancy villa with more bedrooms that required, buy you'd be happy with somewhere cheaper and smaller, they're not taking your circumstances into account.

Your DS is trying to have it both ways. Pay per room because that's best for her, but don't pay per person for food because that's best for her.

Teen boys are notorious for the amount of food they can pack away. If you want to be petty, send her the NHS link for calorie needs that show a teen boy needs more than an adult male, and she should pay double food for her son.

If the holiday is starting off like this, it won't really work. You could suck up the cost this year (but no way would I split food equally) and start prepping your DC for not doing a big family holiday next year.

If you're not aware, there are places that do holidays for single parents. Brilliant for the DC as they can find other children their own age to play with, good for you as you have adult company.

Original poster
Sallyrush · 20/07/2023 07:12

Sorry my point about the rooms is if we were booking the Villa based on the number of rooms I.E 6 rooms, 2 per family I’d agree, but the decision is being based on what we like, so the one that’s the favourite has 7 rooms. Family 3 (me!) is more than happy to look for a smaller villa and share with my kids.
just for reference we went away this year and my sisters kids had their own rooms… no one expected her family to pay extra.

OP posts:
RichardsGear · 20/07/2023 07:14

ZenNudist · 20/07/2023 07:10

This but presumably single parent would just get one room if they holiday alone with dc. Split per person is fair here.

Show quote history

And OP has said she'd be happy to share with her children and would seek out a smaller villa but the others are digging in their heels and want the larger one and for OP to pay more than her fair share.