Daughters expectations for babysitting

[grandmacant]

Hi,
My only daughter and her husband have 2 children, 6 and 4. She asked me a few months ago if over the summer I could/would like to babysit while she and her husband work. I agreed. We live in Cumbria, she lives in London, but decided we would do the first and last week of the holidays. I believe the other 2 weeks will be a juggle (they are away on holiday for the middle two), but son-in-law works from home on Mondays and Fridays, my daughter works from home Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I believe they plan to drop the kids at club in the morning, a friend will pick them up and have them until early afternoon then the work from home parent will juggle work and kids for a couple of hours.
I was under the impression that my husband and I's two weeks would be calm and at our discretion as to what we do with the kids, I'd planned museums, picnics etc.
My daughter messaged me today saying the kids are booked in at a tennis club 9-12 each morning for both the weeks we are down, and we won't have to have them on the Wednesdays as their godparents will pick them up from tennis and take them to theirs to play with their older children.
Now I'm driving 6+ hours to spend afternoons with the grandkids, probably too tired to go out and do anything. I don't enjoy living to a schedule, thats why I retired early!! I told my daughter I wasn't much happy and she said, if the issue is the being up and ready to go early, she/her husband will drop them off before they start work but they would need help for the Wednesday morning. I told her the issue is I'm coming down to spend time with my grandkids and rather than spending time with them I'll be doing club runs and dealing with tired kids in the afternoon. She has replied saying if I am unhappy we can not bother coming down, but the kids want to do the clubs and it will be better for them. I'm not disagreeing the kids doing clubs is great, but why on the weeks I'll be looking after them? Why not consult me??

I was about to say as they are wfh then the kids being up and out for the morning will work best for them.

They don’t want to hear you having breakfast, cajoling them into clothes and getting them out the house. She’s set up a routine that works just go with it. Still plenty of time for fun in the afternoons. And as you aren’t familiar with London you can explore in the mornings with a nice brekkie/coffee. Win win

@Blackbyrd what are you on about!

Also, you don't need to take them out to be the 'perfect Grandma'. This is really all about YOU.

I sometimes left my DCs with my parents for a few days. (Long distance like you.) They never 'went' anywhere. My parents had a massive garden, my dad built my kids a tree house, they played in the garden, made cakes, learned about plants and growing veg, played hide and seek, etc etc.

'Going out' is highly overrated especially with a 4 and 6 year old. They will get tired and fractious very quickly.

Annoying and dull? Did you say this with a head tilt and a tinkly laugh too? Those poor children with no chance to be creative and dream. If only their parents didn’t have to work to provide a home and food for them….

I’d rather have the memories of spending time with my grandpa, we did lots of fun things when I stayed as my mum was incapacitated. Going to clubs isn’t going to have the same memories as time with family.

The grandparents have plans to take them to museums and zoo, so the parents can work 🤷‍♀️

Is this definitely not a reverse? As your DD sounds great & far more patient than I would be.

Great explanations, generous planning for your comfort.

Are you not going now (re midterm mention) or is it all sorted? I hope you'll be a bit nicer to your DD now.

Of course it doesn't! It's perfectly reasonable?

@ivykaty44 in this instance, yes, but the comment I quoted wasnt just about the OP’s situation- it was a broader comment about putting kids into camp rather than letting them have a picture postcard summer. A bit shitty to make working parents feel guilty.

Depends on the grandparents surely. Probably the case for op as she sounds like an engaged grandparent. Clubs are much better for my kids than their grandparents.

Thank you, they live around the Richmond/Kew area so any ideas for nice afternoons much appreciated, I don't know London well at all.

You've created a thread based on wanting to take them out for a day yet have no idea of what's available in the area.
You mentioned Lego land and Chessington.

It's obviously a long time since you had a 4 and 6 year old child yourself.

At that age, they won't want to be 'going out' all of the time. Transport around London either by tube, rail or bus (or car) is always busy. Juggling two almost still toddlers on the tube or train etc is not fun!

Picnics, walks in the parks, local activities are your best bet.

A lot depends on if she wants them out of the house while she works from home.

It sounds insane.

I've run summer holiday schemes for kids. I can't imagine a 4 year old trying to bat a ball for 3 hours!

If I’m lucky enough to have grandchildren I’m looking forward most to doing arts and crafts that’s what I miss. But who knows maybe they won’t like it.

I am assuming all this has been done over messaging? Messaging is a scourge I feel and not as good as chatting. I get why people do it for the convenience. Enjoy your time with your grandchildren. The pottery place sounds brilliant. My favourite memories from childhood are going to a chalk pit that had loads of butterflies, we called it butterfly paradise and sniffing the wild garlic that grew near there and making daisy chains in the sun. Think what your favourite memories are op. When I think of my Grandmother I think of the very formal teas we had with her with her best tea set and having delicious biscuits. I saw a cup in a Charity shop recently of the same pattern and it was a lovely memory.

I thinK you should call your daughter don’t message each other . Tell her you would like two of the days from the week as full days to do stuff with the kids as a compromise .
does she think your not capable? You aren’t allowed them on your own just at her house. one full day the god parents are allowed them the kids have club on your days so, You have to hang around a house the full week
Its either that or they say it’s boring with granny and kids only say that when they don't see that grand parent much , as it’s awkward it’s not there every day life and people they are use to.

Disown her.

Even if they have spent the morning at tennis there is plenty of time to take a picnic lunch on the train from Richmond and get to the South Kensington Museums (district line) , a boat trip to Greenwich from embankment pier ( district line again) , the Tower of London ( also district line), the aquarium at the old county hall, the London eye, Trafalgar Square, (also district line) do an open top bus ride in London.

I don’t suggest you do all these on the same day, or even all of them but they are possibilities and easy gets from Richmond with minimal walking at the London end.

It may be the distance. I'd not feel comfortable being that far away from my kids at 6 and 4. And because of the distance it isn't worth just doing a night or two.

But then the same goes for if you are traveling down to see them. You want to spend time with them.

I think she may think that she was being helpful, but it would have made more sense to check with you first!

Though at their ages, let them have lunch and I suspect they'll be good to go out all afternoon until fairly late. This may rule out some of the bigger day trips, but things like a half day at London Zoo or visiting the museums.

You are giving your time freely to help them out, so you have two choices: do it the way your DD wants it done or tell them that isn't something you're prepared to do. Personally, I would suck it up this time and, if you want it to be different next time, let DD know that if you do it again you want days free with the kids. You're doing them a big favour by traveling so far to do this, so you should be able to have some say in how you spend your time.

I think this would be the case for most parents. A full week away across the country at 6 and 4 would be considered too young for many people.

Totally disagree with you on all of this.

Honestly, the OP will be seeing her G kids every day for 2 weeks (far more than my own parents did with my kids- long distance too) .

It's really not up to her to 'ask' for full days. These are very young children!

And I'm sure the OP can make herself useful in the morning while she is waiting to see them after tennis. Her DD might be grateful for someone to do some shopping, cleaning (my Mum used to get stuck into the ironing pile when she came) OR the OP could take herself off to a lovely coffee shop in Richmond or Kew. Hardly an imposition!

Easy on the train from Kew or Richmond stations
Vauxhall City farm
Battersea Park Children's Farm

Nearby
Kew steam museum https://waterandsteam.org.uk/top-things-for-families/
Kew Gardens - tree walkway/children's garden
Richmond Park to see deer, ride their bikes etc
Pony rides at Ealing riding school
Great swimming pool in Richmond at Pools On the Park.

There are no bad guys here, you sound like an amazing granny and your daughter sounds like she is trying to be thoughtful too. Possibly communication could have been better, but don’t let mumsnet turn this into more than it is!

You are surrounded by amazing stuff to do just nearby. Suggested afternoons out from where you are
-Brentford water and steam museum
-Thames ferry’s (there is a stop by Kew bridge and one in Richmond)https://www.thamesriverboats.co.uk/thames-boats/kew.asp
-Take the scooters/bikes etc to richmond park
-Kew gardens (ice cream there os particularly good and amazing children’s playground)
-Battersea park and zoo
-Diana memorial fountain, Ravenscourt Park, dukes meadow - all good for splashing on a hot day
—Hobbledown heath
-lots of national trust within short drives, but Ham House and Osterley park are closest.

And that’s before you start on soft play or theme parks!

I'm wondering about the OP saying she wants whole days with them, yet also admits she has no idea of what's around.

OP it really is not realistic to expect to do full days for 2 weeks or even one week.
There is a limit to what you can do even if you go into central London.
You say you don't know it well and I have the feeling you aren't used to travelling around London in school holidays when it's just mad!

Even if you do the 'big stuff' like Legoland and Chessington, that's just 2 days out of 2 weeks. You need to find local trips and lower your expectations of 'outings'.

Also- are you doing this on your own?

I'd be quite concerned about an elderly grandparent being in charge of a 4 and 6 year old on public transport, (if there is no other adult involved.)
You will need eyes in the back of your head and a plan if one wants the loo, the other doesn't, etc etc.

I'm glad you got it sorted without cross words. You both have the best of intentions.

I think it's indicative that the plans the children have suggested involve your full attention - cycling with you, having a teddy bears' picnic with you. They haven't asked for big outings. They want you to focus on them. Have a wonderful time!