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Original poster

To be dying of shame

282 replies

threeyearoldwoes · 19/07/2023 20:09

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

OP posts:
Evianmountains · 19/07/2023 23:29

I’d be extremely unhappy with my child’s teacher haven been in their bedroom. Completely inappropriate.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 19/07/2023 23:31

There's always been home visits by teachers before kids start reception around by me.

We were told that it's so the teacher can see the child in their own environment, so when they go to school they see a familiar face and so the teacher can see if the child is acting out of character.

JudgeRudy · 19/07/2023 23:33

Ha Ha....show us your big knicks!

enemaofthestate · 19/07/2023 23:37

I had a home visit when I started primary school in the mid-90s! Definitely not a recent thing.

JudgeJ · 19/07/2023 23:38

FoodFann · 19/07/2023 20:19

😆😆😆😆😆 amazing! Don’t worry OP, teachers wear big knickers too!

And have very messy bedrooms!

Trifal · 19/07/2023 23:54

Don't worry OP. I had one of these visits 2 days after giving birth and my home looked like a bomb had gone off in it (annoyingly it was completely spotless just before I went into labour!!). Lots of personal stuff everywhere. Just style it out next time you see her.

Nospringchix · 19/07/2023 23:59

Luxell934 · 19/07/2023 20:17

Really? Dying of shame over a pair of knickers and some sanitary towels?

Yep, I don't think it's anything to be embarrassed at either.
I was waiting for the OP to say there was a huge sex toy on the dressing table or something like that!

CheshireCat1 · 20/07/2023 00:09

I wouldn’t worry, if they’ve done 30 home visits I bet yours will be in the top ten of tidiness.

ostwest · 20/07/2023 00:14

My DH works in a job where he goes to a lot of random people's homes. He tells me that the messiest homes are occupied by teachers. So there, your DC's teacher might have thought of your house as lovely 😊

Mamanyt · 20/07/2023 00:19

I do have one question...Did the teacher ask to see his room, or did he want to show her his room? It makes a difference. One is intrusive, and the other is heading off a potentiaI tantrum. Bear in mind, the teacher does not know your chiId yet, so if your son wanted to show her his room, she may have feIt it better to go than not.

memyselfi · 20/07/2023 08:25

waterst · 19/07/2023 20:30

I wouldn't be embarrassed, I'd be livid tbh. Who the hell does this teacher think they are going into your bedroom? What a dreadful invasion of privacy. They should have diverted your child away.

Me too !
Wtf ?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/07/2023 08:32

If I were the teacher, TBH I’d just be thinking, ‘Thank goodness for normal parents and not a show home.’

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2023 08:34

takealettermsjones · 19/07/2023 22:47

Ooof lots of replies 🤣 maybe it depends on the local authority but none of my nephews/nieces/godchildren ever had a home visit! (Going back 16 years) 😕

It more likely depends on the teacher or individual school. It was a normal thing to do in my LA but I never did it because the schools didn't pay someone to cover my class while I was out in school time (30 x half hour visits plus travel time - two staff to do it for safety) and working parents won't have been n then anyway and I wasn't going to do it in my own time although some did. I also didn't think it was necessary as some parents would feel it was intrusive, as evidenced in this thread, and I would find out about each child when they turned up in school. It was more useful to me to see how they behaved in the school/ nursery class setting than at home anyway.

heidipi · 20/07/2023 11:52

I still cringe thinking about when DD1's reception teacher and classroom assistant came for the home visit, and it was 8 long years ago. DD was incredibly shy at the time and sat completely silently as they asked questions about what she'd been doing over the summer. The silences were awkward and for some reason I thought they'd judge me about having a mute 4 year old, so I was yapping away to fill the gaps and found myself telling how she and DP had been to Tesco the day before and guess what they'd seen? (children's entertainer voice) A seagull trying to swallow a rat whole!! Tumbleweed. More silence. They both looked like 'why is she saying this?' I felt the same.

Happily school brought DD out of her shell, and I am now much less worried about being judged by teachers. So we've both grown. Teachers have seen pretty much everything after all and I assume they clocked us as: not unusually shy child with nervous parent, nothing to see here. In your case it will be friendly kid who likes to read, with busy parents who tidied up before we came. Nothing to see here either.😁

tootyflooty · 20/07/2023 11:58

Brownie points, as your ds obviously loves books, he could have been trying to show her the games he plays on a tablet 😁

PimpMyFridge · 20/07/2023 11:59

Can anyone explain what these visits achieve? Seem like a colossal waste of everyone's time to me.

Oysterbabe · 20/07/2023 12:10

PimpMyFridge · 20/07/2023 11:59

Can anyone explain what these visits achieve? Seem like a colossal waste of everyone's time to me.

I think they can be good. School can be a pretty scary prospect for a 4 year old. A prior meeting with their teachers in an environment where they feel comfortable can take away a bit of the first day nerves and make ot less of an unknown. My kids' teachers asked them questions about what they like to play with and talked about the things they have in class that match with that interest. I think my 2 seemed more excited about starting school after the visit.

heidipi · 20/07/2023 12:18

PimpMyFridge · 20/07/2023 11:59

Can anyone explain what these visits achieve? Seem like a colossal waste of everyone's time to me.

Ours were in Sept a couple of days before the reception first day (during the staggered start period) and we were told it was for the teachers to meet the children again just before they started (they'd been to transition visits in July), on their own turf. I guess also to spot possibly safeguarding issues/neglect (a friend who is a teacher in a different area has said this is the case, there are children living in difficult circumstances which might not have been identified already). And of course to collect stories about rat-eating seagulls from stressed out parents :)

Forestfriendlygarden · 20/07/2023 12:18

I've got one for you.

DD when in primary school - I had encouraged to start packing her own p.e. kit - for p.e. which one night she did - I called from the kitchen and said was it done, she said 'yes mum'.

Great, I thought to myself.

At the same time we had a cat who was a refuge cat. They had a naught habit of whenever clothes were laid flat on chairs, or in a bundle somewhere - they did a scent marker thing on top of them - which stunk to high heaven.

So, next day off we go to school - all fine with p.e. kit in bag - DD carrying it.

School pick up, member of staff pulled me to one side and mentioned that my daughter's p.e. kit had a very strange and unpleasant smell attached to it.

I smelt it myself not too closely and both p.e. bag and contents stank to high heaven. Member of staff said what shall I do with it, and the only choice i had was to take it outside to the bin and dump it in there.

At the time of dumping it I had no idea what had happened, but later i realised that DD had very helpfully laid out her p.e. kit on her chair before putting it into bag and that your cat had done the scent marker thing on top of it. Yuck.

But embarrassment in front of the staff member was excruciating at the time as I could kind of tell she might have been making assumptions about me sending my child to school with such a stinky bag.

No point explaining either as it would all sound so far fetched!

TrustyRusty68 · 20/07/2023 12:23

Theyve been doing them for years. It’s supposed to be an opportunity for the children to meet the teachers in a familiar surrounding to make starting school easier. Wouldn’t be that happy about them taking off upstairs though!! Guess the child was insistent!

BronnauMawrion · 20/07/2023 12:24

When I was teaching we had a child bring in Mummy's vibratory, another child brought in a cock ring, and another a wodge of £50 Daddy kept hidden.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I also has a thing with my classes parents - don't believe everything they tell you about me, and I won't believe everything they tell me about you 😉

HerbertChops · 20/07/2023 12:29

When reception teachers came to visit our house we were in the middle of extensive renovations and had only just moved in. I’d also got the day wrong so wasn’t expecting them. The teacher was almost at retirement age and had a bad hip, she had to climb across the front drive which had been dug out ready for ballast to be laid. Rang on the doorbell for over 5 minutes, ds and I were upstairs, had about 20 builders downstairs but they were drilling so didn’t hear them.

I eventually came downstairs and answered the door as I had lots of missed calls, I ushered them into the half finished house, apologised a million times. Started the meeting at the table and the builders started drilling the ceiling right next to us. I asked them to wait until we’d finished. They kept drilling intermittently, I kept having to tell them to go outside. Someone rang on the doorbell and one of the builders interrupted the meeting to say this man was here about something to do with the renovations. I said he’d have to wait as I was meeting teachers. He ushered the man in to wait right next to the table where we were meeting, he stood staring at us. My ds wouldn’t speak to the teachers. Builders kept drilling. Man kept staring. We rushed through everything. Teachers finally got up to go and I realised there were about 20 empty beer cans on their end of the table. I then had to help the elderly teacher across the dug up driveway on the way out, she got stuck at the end and I had to practically lift her out. I was mortified. Was the worst 15mins of my life!

The following week at school she asked if I’d like to come in and help with the class, so I volunteered! I decided she can’t have been too shocked at the home inspection!

Forestfriendlygarden · 20/07/2023 12:45

Pricelss Herbertchops I laughed out loud at this!

JusthereforXmas · 20/07/2023 13:08

Why is your kids teacher in your house?

I have 2 kids in school (well 1 starts in September) both have done their primary school visit... its where THEY go to the school. To see what its like, meet the teachers, possibly meet some other kids from the school, learn the layout of where they are going to spend their next years etc...

Why on earth would the teachers need/want/waste time coming to tour your house which the kid already knows it and it effects teaching in no way?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 20/07/2023 14:32

We once had a BBQ for a big birthday. Family, friends, but also some people we were less close with, neighbours, work people, my boss etc.

All has gone well, until at one point 3yo DD comes running into the garden, with a pair of DPs grottiest old grey granny knickers on her head, shouting over and over again "Mummy has huuuuuuuuge knickers". She does A few laps of the garden, then legs it back into the house with DP hot on her heels and 40 other people laughing their heads off.

DP still occasionally shudders at the memory 10 years later.