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Original poster

To be dying of shame

282 replies

threeyearoldwoes · 19/07/2023 20:09

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

OP posts:
annabanana88 · 21/07/2023 01:05

What was the teacher thinking invading your privacy? Your child should have been told " maybe another time " or something to that effect. Anyway...I thought as your post went on that the teacher had walked into a room full of sex toys and a swing or something but I did have a chuckle at the big white pants 🤣. Anyone who doesn't have big Bridget Jones parachutes hasn't lived yet haha!! Maybe get her a pair when your child moves on from her class? In all seriousness put some ice on the burn and forget about it - no biggie 🥰.

Squirrelsnut · 21/07/2023 01:16

I wouldn't give it another thought. I'm willing to bet the teacher has knickers and sanpro in their bedroom too. We've all used temporary 'curtains' after a move. It's not like they walked in on a cannabis farm.

timesaretight · 21/07/2023 01:36

They are snooping. They are looking st the conditions he lives in.

jamdonut · 21/07/2023 07:26

takealettermsjones · 19/07/2023 20:12

Why are schools doing home visits now??

They’ve been doing them for a number of years… in the school I work in.. 7+ years I would say?

FlipFlop1987 · 21/07/2023 08:40

Literally never heard of teacher home visits, surely any safeguarding checks are for HV’s and any cheating on catchment areas for the school admissions department at the council.
We had 3 settling in sessions at the school, started with us staying an hour with them in the classroom and progressed to us leaving them for 2 hours.
I’d have concerns about a total stranger taking my 3 year old in bedrooms on their own. I just don’t think it’s needed for a teacher/pupil relationship.

Xmasfairy86 · 21/07/2023 08:47

My DD started primary school in 2012 and we had a home visit.
It’s important from a safeguarding prospective to get an idea of the child’s surroundings. The majority have nothing to worry about but it helps identify those who may need support for any number of reasons

Blossomtoes · 21/07/2023 10:14

Xmasfairy86 · 21/07/2023 08:47

My DD started primary school in 2012 and we had a home visit.
It’s important from a safeguarding prospective to get an idea of the child’s surroundings. The majority have nothing to worry about but it helps identify those who may need support for any number of reasons

If it’s so important why isn’t it a legal requirement? It’s incredible how much invasion into people’s private lives is permitted in the name of safeguarding.

Twyford · 21/07/2023 10:47

Xmasfairy86 · 21/07/2023 08:47

My DD started primary school in 2012 and we had a home visit.
It’s important from a safeguarding prospective to get an idea of the child’s surroundings. The majority have nothing to worry about but it helps identify those who may need support for any number of reasons

If the motivation was safeguarding, it would be equally routine to have visits for every child who comes into the school at a later stage - and of course it isn't.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/07/2023 11:07

As a teacher it was never presented to me as being about safeguarding. It was supposed to be about getting to know the child on their home turf.

CrazyLadie · 21/07/2023 12:35

mathanxiety · 19/07/2023 20:24

It's against safeguarding protocol for a teacher to be alone and unobserved with a child that age here.

Oh absolutely, when my son was getting his music lessons over the Internet I had to be close by.for safe guarding reasons

LunaLula83 · 21/07/2023 12:42

The shame! I tidied my house, even my bedroom and the teacher put the milk back in my fridge for me and there was a whole saucepan of leftovers in there (late cooking) SH*T

Burningdownthehouse · 21/07/2023 14:25

My kids primary school does a home visit before starting reception. In 2010 & 2014 the teacher came round to introduce herself to my DS & then DD respectively. My DS wouldn't have bothered meeting the teacher in school, whereas my DD was much more apprehensive, so meeting the teacher on her own turf with me & DH there suited her. It was also chance for us to get to know the teacher too & her to put a face to parents (very handy at school pick up). She asked about likes & dislikes, we were able to chat about allergies too. She only came in the living room for 10/15mins (no walking around the house!) then left. Both kids loved meeting their teacher. And I'm sure it wasn't compulsory but I liked the idea of the kids meeting her in their own space, so when they started school they felt they knew her already.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 21/07/2023 15:16

Blossomtoes · 21/07/2023 10:14

If it’s so important why isn’t it a legal requirement? It’s incredible how much invasion into people’s private lives is permitted in the name of safeguarding.

Show quote history

Y'see I agree with you . I think it's the creeping of state interfering in our lives , the state taking ownership of our kids . Tory politicians would never have this in their own homes . Yes at risk kids need identifying , but are we saying that can't be done until school age ?
Hearing about school staff discussing it in the staff room and going into parents private spaces really is an overreach and are not to be trusted with the job .

Poppyfun1 · 21/07/2023 17:15

Why on earth are schools doing home visits! How intrusive! She should have never encroached on your personal space i.e bedroom. Maybe it’s just me but I find being in anyone’s bedroom uncomfortable. I would never enter someone’s bedroom unless it was asked of me

Kk3211 · 22/07/2023 20:02

Really don’t understand the point of these home visits as it helps no-one and if you refuse then you are probably seen as being difficult or having something to hide.
Helps no one as usually the two teachers that visit have nothing to do with your child anyway. They fill out a few forms which can easily be completed by parents online. They can meet the parent and child at school.
Total waste of time for the school and parent.

MissingMoominMamma · 22/07/2023 20:05

Her bedroom might be more untidy than yours!

Juleslovesmaths · 23/07/2023 08:15

I think the teacher will be delighted the child likes books and wanted to share them - don’t worry 😉

SnowyNoey · 23/07/2023 08:31

I honestly would not worry about it,

I had home visits with both of my kids, simply a way to take away that first day fear of seeing the face of their new teacher in their own environment to help with the transition on the big day.

teacher probably didn’t even bat an eyelid at the knickers and pads (as long as they weren’t used haha)

its fine, don’t worry :)

Lifechange2020 · 23/07/2023 08:50

We had home visit before primary school. Asked Ds to draw a picture about the best thing of the holidays. He drew the local pub. We had been ONCE!

Sadmadsleepy · 23/07/2023 08:53

Schools have been doing home visits at least since I went into teaching (17 years ago) so not a new thing and fairly standard. Point is absolutely about supporting the child settling in, not anything else. Yes, as a side benefit it does give a glimpse into home life; which helps your understanding of the child. The visits are optional.

However, I would gently refuse any offers from the child to go upstairs unless the parent encouraged it and came with us. Would not be going up with a child without that. Does feel disrespectful of the parents whose home it is. Absolutely would not be entering parent bedroom!!

I suspect the teacher in question went up to see the kid’s bedroom, and probably got taken to your bedroom without quite realising, probably felt immensely awkward herself, and will be more bothered by that than what was in the room!

(On a side note, we have our own home visit for our DD this September so will now be on watch that she doesn’t drag the teachers anywhere I haven’t tidied…ie most of the house!!)

DinnaeFashYersel · 23/07/2023 08:56

Your bedroom sounds normal.

The teacher should be ashamed to be snooping though. Appalling behaviour.

WhataPlaice · 23/07/2023 09:00

Anyone who does home visits as part of their job will have seen things far, far worse. This is just normal life. You shouldn't give it a second thought.

Jacesmum1977 · 23/07/2023 10:10

I think you’re over reacting regarding the mess and your knickers. Your house sounds like a normal house, washing to be put away on a bed 🤷🏻‍♀️ oooh crime of the century

I don’t see why the teacher had to go upstairs but as your child had said come with me, it’s not like she just took herself off to explore the house by herself.

CKMc2b · 23/07/2023 13:12

Just why in the absolute hell are the primary schools visiting homes now? I find this to be highly inappropriate and an invasion of privacy. I wouldn't give a FF tbh

3rdtimemumma · 23/07/2023 19:41

I thought all schools did home visits these days- both safeguarding reasons and to get the child to understand that the teacher is a 'safe' adult. So I'm very surprised others are surprised about the visit. As for going upstairs, very odd and bedroom sounds like a million bedrooms. No judgement I'm sure. Don't give it another thought. Also, sounds like your child interacted perfectly and is ready for school. My eldest ran around like a crazed animal, hid and was borderline rude (which is really unlike him). That visit was mortifying for us. Thankfully, second child was much better. Phew.