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Original poster

To be dying of shame

282 replies

threeyearoldwoes · 19/07/2023 20:09

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

OP posts:
Forestfriendlygarden · 20/07/2023 15:16

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 20/07/2023 14:32

We once had a BBQ for a big birthday. Family, friends, but also some people we were less close with, neighbours, work people, my boss etc.

All has gone well, until at one point 3yo DD comes running into the garden, with a pair of DPs grottiest old grey granny knickers on her head, shouting over and over again "Mummy has huuuuuuuuge knickers". She does A few laps of the garden, then legs it back into the house with DP hot on her heels and 40 other people laughing their heads off.

DP still occasionally shudders at the memory 10 years later.

Fabulous!

MrsB74 · 20/07/2023 16:01

Our primary did these visits too. It felt a bit awkward and seem to remember dd having some sort of meltdown after embarrassing herself by falling over! Forget about it - most bedrooms look like this from time to time - do not give it another thought. I have a teacher friend who discovered one of her pupils had never seen a bed. They have bigger fish to fry.

heidipi · 20/07/2023 16:37

JusthereforXmas · 20/07/2023 13:08

Why is your kids teacher in your house?

I have 2 kids in school (well 1 starts in September) both have done their primary school visit... its where THEY go to the school. To see what its like, meet the teachers, possibly meet some other kids from the school, learn the layout of where they are going to spend their next years etc...

Why on earth would the teachers need/want/waste time coming to tour your house which the kid already knows it and it effects teaching in no way?

As you can see from PPs, lots of schools do this - it's not like OP invited the teachers round just for fun!

Strawberry101 · 20/07/2023 17:53

If it makes you feel somewhat better. I gave gifts to my sons teachers last year. I found a random bag, popped the gifts in and sent him off in the taxi. Bag came back in the evening and on further inspection I realised that it was a bag containing my old ratty hair extensions. Like ohhh thanks for all your hard work! Here's some wine and some feral things that were stuck to my head for 3 months

ArabeIIaScott · 20/07/2023 18:12

Strawberry101 · 20/07/2023 17:53

If it makes you feel somewhat better. I gave gifts to my sons teachers last year. I found a random bag, popped the gifts in and sent him off in the taxi. Bag came back in the evening and on further inspection I realised that it was a bag containing my old ratty hair extensions. Like ohhh thanks for all your hard work! Here's some wine and some feral things that were stuck to my head for 3 months

😁

notafruit · 20/07/2023 18:19

When DD1 started primary school the teachers did a visit. They didn't to it for subsequent DC's as they were familiar with the school and teachers.

It's still a thing though for the first child in the family to go there, or if there is a big age gap.

Perky1 · 20/07/2023 18:49

We had such a visit for first dc for village school. It was ok, felt a bit judge tbh. They were invited to the living room via the kitchen .I think it is very inappropriate for teacher to have entered your bedroom, an outrageous breach of privacy. I would complain.

LittleMG · 20/07/2023 18:51

I’d be bloody angry they had allowed the child to lead them around like that. I’m a teacher and have done those visits that’s way off.

Kentucky83 · 20/07/2023 18:59

I'll pass over the issue of embarrassment and inappropriate behaviour as it's been covered, and skip straight to the example you're asking for to make you feel better 🙂
We didn't have a home visit for school but for school nursery. DD had just turned 3. Opened the door to two teaching assistants and was surprised to discover one of them was a woman I have known since I was 4, having gone through all of school with her (never in the same friendship group but friendly enough, have on FB etc...). They come in, all going fine then DD decides to do something she had never done before and has never done since - she stripped completely naked and refused to put any clothes back on.
Both TA's, including my friendly school acquaintance, saw the funny side and DD is now ready to enter Y3 at the primary school, but at the time I didn't know what to do with myself!
Trust me, they won't even remember your big knickers tomorrow!

NannaKaren · 20/07/2023 19:28

Don’t waste another second over this - nothing to worry about xxx

Mumkins42 · 20/07/2023 20:02

First world problems. If they were full of skids then I'd understand feeling embarrassed. I wouldn't judge or think a single thing about it

moaningmyrtle4 · 20/07/2023 20:10

I wish this was my most embarrassing moment. Knickers. Sanitary towels. Women all have it!

I accidentally posted a picture of myself, Butt naked like full frontal with a frigging shower cap on, on the internet when on holiday as didn’t realise the mirrors reflected me. Only realise 5 hours later when I got WiFi back! Moral of the story. Could be worse.

myfaceismyown · 20/07/2023 20:13

I have enjoyed reading this thread, and do understand why you are embarrassed, but really no need to be. As others have said, the visitors will have seen a happy DC who loves reading, not muddle, clean undies and personal items.
I was a school governor for many years and had to assist home visits a few times for children in really dire need of assistance. I have seen some terrible rental homes where the parents did not seem to care as you do.
On a lighter note - I had an accident 10 years ago and when I came out of hospital the NHS sent a guy to fit aids around the house and he was accompanied by a female physio and a nurse (also female) What I didn't realise was that when he fitted a bed lever he had to pass it through the drawers under the bed. Yes, one was my naughty drawer! He was red faced, but the physio said "oh, everyone has a naughty drawer" and the nurse said "mine is a box"... I have chuckled over this many times, as have my friends. Please do not worry.
I am struck by how much you care. You seem like a wonderful Mummy.

JayJayEl · 20/07/2023 20:26

@threeyearoldwoes I think I misread the tone of the thread, and my comment about being "the talk of the Early Years team" was supposed to be lighthearted, and not factually correct! Literally no-one will bat an eyelid at what happened, so I am sending my apologies if my comment has made you feel bad/worry about the situation. That wasn't my intention.

All poorly judged comments aside, as others have pointed out - the teacher is in the wrong for going in your bedroom in the first place. It seems to have had a huge impact on you, so maybe chatting to the school about the invasion of privacy would help?

DeeLasVegas · 20/07/2023 20:26

I’ve never heard of primary school home visits. Is it for a private school?

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2023 20:29

DeeLasVegas · 20/07/2023 20:26

I’ve never heard of primary school home visits. Is it for a private school?

If you had read the thread you would know that it is very common although not universal in state schools.

InsertSomethingInspiring · 20/07/2023 20:39

@threeyearoldwoes Once my DP accidentally packed a pair of my VERY OLD and slightly falling apart knickers (that I only wore during my time of the month) in with his DD's stuff when he was packing her bag to go back to her Mum's.

Her Mum is a nasty woman who has caused us no end of stress and I honestly wanted the ground to swallow me up! She sent them back on next visit without mentioning it but I know she will have taken glee in telling her friends all about it!

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:41

threeyearoldwoes · 19/07/2023 20:09

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

This is hilarious. Well, you showed them you are a child centric, loving household and not those people that neglect their kids and make them watch hours of television while creating a pristine, bleach poisoned living environment.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 20:52

Home visits have always been done. Luckily they stopped in the three years of covid restrictions. Officially, it's to ease the child into school and teacher and to get to know them.
Unofficially, it's to track down those mums and dads who spend 30 or 40 hours a week cleaning and tidying instead of letting their kids be and play and engage them. Also to assess the size of your television.

Supergirl1958 · 20/07/2023 21:03

NealBrose · 19/07/2023 21:28

I had visits for the reception teacher for my two, it was fine. And when I worked in EY I used to do these visits and it certainly wasn't to judge!!!

It helps to get to know the children and their families. Once school starts it's a quick hello and good bye at pick up and drop off.

Some parents aren't comfortable in a school environment.

Some kids don't attend nursery so there's no hand over information.

We were definitely not spying or nosing but obviously if there were IV drugs around or the parents were drinking at 10am we would have had to report it. Knickers on the floor not so much...

As for the safeguarding aspect of going upstairs, early years teachers are sometimes alone with children in quiet places in school. They may have to supervise them using the toilet or even change your child. And there won't usually be a second adult there when they do. I do a different job now but it still sometimes involves home visits to children. Our guidance is that it's fine to be taken and shown the bedroom by a child but not to stay long and keep the door open.

@NealBrose

not true, for safeguarding reasons it’s in most, if not all school intimate care policies to ensure 2 members of staff are there! And if it isn’t it should be!!

Iwant2stayanon · 20/07/2023 21:08

I honestly wouldn’t give a toss

Bebs13 · 20/07/2023 21:46

Very funny post but honestly I think you are focusing on entirely the wrong (& entirely normal stuff here!). So many kids have no books at home let alone parents who love reading to them and keep such a gorgeous thing as Beatrix Potter books stored in their own bedroom ready for cosy reading time. Your child loves books and is so proud of them that he wants to show them off. He clearly also has loving parents who are invested in helping him learn at home. You probably have a gold star from the teacher on the parenting front. Well done!

Owl55 · 20/07/2023 23:49

I worked with a teacher who did home visits (reception)and she would come back and tell everyone in the staff room if the house wasn’t clean or smelled, she would often request to be shown around as she loved this particular type of house and surprisingly the parents did show her around , she would tell us how beautiful or how awful the house was and would only accept a cuppa if the house met her standards! I was so glad my children didn’t go to our school!

icelolly99 · 21/07/2023 00:11

You can refuse the home visits.

Thegreatestgroaner · 21/07/2023 00:56

Slothlikemum · 19/07/2023 20:20

Surely it's a major safeguarding risk for a teacher to go upstairs alone with a 3 year-old, to their bedroom. Sounds incredibly inappropriate.

Totally. First thing that came into my head