To be dying of shame

[threeyearoldwoes]

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

Honestly I expected you to say that they found the contents of your bedside drawers (the buzzing variety). I get your shame but it really could have been a LOT worse 🤣

To be fair we had a home visit when DD started school 7 years ago, so it's been a thing for a long time - maybe area dependent? Ours is a tiny village school with only 150 pupils from Reception to Yr6 so maybe they have more time 🤷‍♀️

There were 2 staff members and 1 took our daughter off to play/chat/read and the other asked us questions.

Don't worry about it OP honestly, they probably didn't even notice - though I'd have hated it too! Have some wine 🍷 😋

@PimpMyFridge Yeah I'm not very happy that she was alone with a three year old unsupervised either but then part of me thinks she's going to be his class teacher so I've got to trust that she can be alone with him! I don't think she meant anything bad by it, but it was a bit thoughtless. I don't really want to complain as I've already been "that parent" over the fact he's not been put in a class with any of his friends from nursery (and quite a few are going), only to find out it's because she's got specialist knowledge/skills in an area he's really struggling with. So IDK how to raise this without coming across as a complete twat who complains about every single thing.

It's against safeguarding protocol for a teacher to be alone and unobserved with a child that age here.

OMG PLEASE do not worry!!!! As a teacher who does these visits every year, I promise it won't even have registered with them!! I have seen everything under the sun you can imagine, so again, don't worry!

Also, us teachers also have giant ratty grey knickers lying around on piles of unsorted laundry as well 😘

My OP may have been edited in case the DM/school sees this but there were also possibly a box of dilators visible (yay vaginismus) on a high shelf depending on what angle she was standing at. I'm hoping to god she didn't see them.

Really , really ? I had no idea schools visit kids homes now before they start , wow . I was also amazed to hear HV expect a tour of your home too . How times change in 20-30 yrs .

When I was a secondary teacher (quite a few years ago) an enhanced DBS was enough to be allowed to be alone with children. Is that no longer the case or is there an age limit on it?

Thank you this is very reassuring. I used to be a secondary teacher and I always got the impression that primary teachers were like an amazingly organised, infinitely patient, and "has their shit together" version of us.

if it makes you feel better OP, I have many dying of shame moments. top incidents include:

• walking into the men's toilets in a supermarket by mistake... was very confused by the urinals as I had never seen one in person before... there was a man in there. I cringe every time I think of it

• taking the train to Liverpool lime Street... thinking its going to Liverpool Street in London... only realising after walking around for 30mins in Liverpool... in and around the station...

there r many more similar incidents...

School home visits?????? Aren't teachers busy enough without that?

They were doing home visits for reception teachers when my dc started school, about 10 years ago. I declined because I didn't want him to be judged for having a tiny house.
Yy I know not all teachers are like that, but some definitely are!

I wouldn't be embarrassed, I'd be livid tbh. Who the hell does this teacher think they are going into your bedroom? What a dreadful invasion of privacy. They should have diverted your child away.

Honestly OP don’t think twice.
I don’t think she was inappropriate at all to be fair- the point of those visits (we had one- completely normal!) are for your child to become comfortable with their teacher in a familiar environment. A child asking to show the teacher their room is completely normal (she wasn’t to know you share!) and encourages that relationship. Also I imagine it’s to suss our families that might need more support. They’re looking for evidence of drink/drugs/neglect or lack of toys etc as well as meeting the child- big pants won’t matter a bit!

my old house had two living rooms: a family one and a grown up lounge affectionately (and half jokingly) referred to as the wine lounge. Imagine my shame when my child invited his reception teacher into mummy's wine lounge.

This.
Seems bizarre to me

Never had home visits in my area.

Surely it’s to check the family actually lives at the address they gave in their application, to rule out catchment cheats (of which there are many)?

My teacher came to my house when I started 25 yrs ago, I don't think this is a new thing

I thought the point was the teacher meets the child in their own environment, so it's less scary for them on their first day. And the teacher can learn a bit about the child, and the child feels more comfortable around the teacher. Not to do a random house tour!

For one of my kids, the teacher never showed up.

For another we were having building work so had no kitchen or indeed back wall of the house. So we had juice and shop bought cakes in the back garden among the building rubble.

The teacher didn’t bat an eyelid!

And to scout out any potential neglect, dysfunction etc that they’d need to keep an eye on from a safeguarding perspective. Which would be a good reason IMO.

I don’t believe for a second it’s for the 5 year old child to “get to know” the teachers, 7 weeks before they see them again.

@threeyearoldwoes "I suppose now they'll know he's really into Peter Rabbit. 🤣" - better Peter than Rampant!!

Years back, I collected my child from the childminder, and was told that one of her cats had peed on his coat. However, instead of washing it like a normal person, she had put in on the radiator to DRY the pee in!!! I was furious!

Anyway held my rage in, brought offending coat home. Somehow managed to brush pissy coat against my nice work top. Barged in my front door totally fuming. Pulled top off, flung it on the floor, put coat on to wash (think I might have actually washed it 4 times - I actually love cats btw!)

In my haste, I pulled a knicker wash out of the washing machine so I could put the coat in and threw them on a pile on a chair in the kitchen.

Knock at the door. I'm in my dressing gown at 6pm. Bloody vicar! So, not dressed, top still lying on floor, I opened the door, let him into the living room muttering something about going to get dressed.

Came down to find DC had invited vicar into the kitchen to look at something and there was the pile of my knickers smiling up at him...

Trust me, you are not alone!

It's so bad that someone went upstairs without asking ! We do home visits and if they ask to show us we check with the parent. Don't worry, I wear big knickers too and i once was shown a bathroom with a child and his dad and there was an old poo in the toilet 🤢. If he can laugh that off and not move to Scotland then you'll survive this.

LOL!! Imagine my mum's shame when she learned that 4 year old me had been asked to sing a song in class, and I gave a lovely rendition of "Campbelltown loch I wish ye were whisky, I would drink ye dry"!!!!

Now.... I wonder where I'd learned it...!!

I work in a primary and see absolutely no need for a home visit when when the whole point is for the child to get used to going to school. We have stay and play sessions for the child to come i with parents and a few part time sessions at beginning of term.
Very invasive in my opinion.
you room sounds perfectly normal op - sir worry.

I did this to my mum with the reception teacher back in 1992. My mum was mortified.