To be dying of shame

[threeyearoldwoes]

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

I was expecting you to say alot worse 😂 I work in healthcare so dont even find that a tiny bit embarrassing (so dont worry!)😀 But I do think they should have just stayed in your living area and asked your son to bring them anything he wanted to show them (I wouldn’t go and look in someone’s bedroom I didnt know really well).

No! When DS offered to show books I would have (done home visits myself) asked him to bring them to family space.

No way on earth would I go anywhere other than main space unless I had concerns and might have asked to use the toilet maybe. But wouldn’t have been led by a child.

laugh to yourself and know school
staff are BU

Home visits?! Fuck that!

I wouldn’t be happy with a stranger going into my bedroom, not because I think your child is at risk, but I think it is inappropriate for a guest to be wandering around , especially into an adult bedroom, unless your DH had expressly given his consent.

I had visits for the reception teacher for my two, it was fine. And when I worked in EY I used to do these visits and it certainly wasn't to judge!!!

It helps to get to know the children and their families. Once school starts it's a quick hello and good bye at pick up and drop off.

Some parents aren't comfortable in a school environment.

Some kids don't attend nursery so there's no hand over information.

We were definitely not spying or nosing but obviously if there were IV drugs around or the parents were drinking at 10am we would have had to report it. Knickers on the floor not so much...

As for the safeguarding aspect of going upstairs, early years teachers are sometimes alone with children in quiet places in school. They may have to supervise them using the toilet or even change your child. And there won't usually be a second adult there when they do. I do a different job now but it still sometimes involves home visits to children. Our guidance is that it's fine to be taken and shown the bedroom by a child but not to stay long and keep the door open.

🙄

All 3 of mine had a home visit from reception teacher eldest was 18 years ago and youngest was 3 years ago.

What if another child's home visit revealed that the parents have chopped up the banisters to use as firewood, or that the child's bedroom is covered in faeces, or the cot is a makeshift cage -doesn't that make the 'intrusion' into your perfectly normal home life worth it?

Yeah we had the "parent's welcome morning" and the "stay and play" and the "settling in session" and this home visit, and I couldn't go to anything as I only have 2 days of AL left due to all the bloody half days in September. We are literally not getting a holiday this year but they get to "ease him into school" (after 3 years of being in nursery 8-6) so yay. 🙄

She may have waited outside and looked away 🤞

OP, don't panic, you'll only be judged on the variety of sex toys and the size of the penis beaker.

Some parents aren't comfortable in a school environment.

And some parents are definitely not comfortable having teachers in their fucking bedroom!

I had a teaching colleague whose yr9 class pointed out that her knickers had fallen down. They hadn't - she'd taken a dress out of the tumble dryer quickly and of course a pair of pants was stuck to the inside, unbeknownst to her. Until they worked their way down. In front of the yr9. She wanted to immediately go and live in Outer Mongolia.

Teacher here- my bed room is far worse than yours!

As for the safeguarding aspect of going upstairs, early years teachers are sometimes alone with children in quiet places in school. They may have to supervise them using the toilet or even change your child. And there won't usually be a second adult there when they do.
@NealBrose Which is exactly why, while I'm miffed at the invasion of privacy, I don't think it's a major red flag on behalf of the teacher, just a bit thoughtless.

Home visits have happened for a long time in the area I work, but not where I live. I doubt the teacher actually entered your room to be honest.

Don't worry OP the class teacher and her colleagues will probably pop round on Saturday afternoons wanting to buy some tranq.

🤣🤣🤣
I knew I could count on MN to make me feel better about this. And then the penis beaker got an honourable mention (and not in my bedroom haha).

@ArabeIIaScott exactly. I'd rather turn up at a school (which we've had to three times so far for "induction" stuff) than have some rando in my private bedroom seeing that my child actually has toys in this mess and wondering if we let him play amongst the underwear.

You would think if there were safe guarding issues to be found in the home authorities should have found them before school age .

It's the end of term. She's probably too exhausted to remember. It's all a blur.

She wouldn't have needed to, it's one of those shit 3m wide 80s houses where you can see everything from the landing. I'm more concerned with what she saw than where her feet were. 😅

We had a home visit before DD started school 20 years ago. It's not new.

I wonder why some schools do, and some don't

It's slightly depressing how women are conditioned to be embarrassed about products like dilators and sanitary towels. I put it down to those "How Embarrassing" columns in Just 17 magazine in the 90s.

Our bodily functions and needs are nothing to be embarrassed about. Likewise our sexual needs. Women own dildos and vibrators. Big deal.

I’ve done tons of home visits, I promise you we are normal people and we all have messy rooms and do not care. We’re just looking to get to know you and your child and to have an idea of what their needs are when they come into school. Don’t give it a second thought x