To be dying of shame

[threeyearoldwoes]

I very much want this to be lighthearted as it really burns right now but am hoping to see the funny side (in about 50 years maybe).

We had our primary school visit this morning. It was early, but I work early so I handed over this task to DH, who is on holiday from work. It's our oldest child so we didn't know what to expect.

We had tidied up the main areas of the house and dumped all the clean (not even slightly sorted or folded) laundry in mine and DH's room for him to deal with later in the day.

During the visit, DH was apparently pinned to the floor with a billion random questions by one member of staff. During this, DS (3) took the other member of staff (his class teacher) upstairs to show them his toys in his bedroom. Only, while he was up there, he decided he actually wanted to show her his Beatrix Potter books. Which were in mine and DH's room as we have two children in a 2 bed house and the toddler keeps the three-year-old awake some nights so last night I'd read DS his bedtime story in our room before moving him into his own bed to sleep.

DS proudly brought his teacher into our room to get the Beatrix Potter books. I found this out when I got home from work and he and DH told me all about it. The door to our room was wide open, and right on the other side of the door was a massive white pair of my biggest knickers on top of a dark blue dress (for maximum contrast and embarrassment obviously).

Other highlights visible immediately from the door were two packets of "extra absorbent" sanitary towels and my underwear drawer was left wide open from where I had to find a last minute pair of socks this morning as I was very late and forgot to close it. It generally looked a total shit tip. The bed wasn't made either and the curtains are a Minnie Mouse blanket draped over the curtain rail as we only recently moved in. There were also a couple of random packing boxes on the floor, buried in laundry.

I am dying of shame and obviously now need to move to Saturn and change the child's school immediately because I can never, ever look his class teacher in the eye after this. I also can't believe she went upstairs with a three-year-old instead of politely refusing. She's probably traumatised by my giant knickers.

Tell me you've managed something worse. Or as a teacher that this isn't going to be talked about up and down the staff room. I am so embarrassed and trying my best to see the funny side.

My daughter is a teacher and she does home visits, as previously said it's to get to have a quick chat with the parents/ say hi to the child in their own environment etc. Her school has done it for years. However, I've never had it for mine, although they're in their 30's now so it might be a newish thing.
On a straw poll of various people of different ages, it seems some schools do, some schools don't, even in the same town. We have 7 primaries here so on a rough estimate half of them do, half of them don't.

We had a home school visit for my youngest years ago when she started reception. Only two teachers came and sat in the living room and had an informal chat. They should have never gone upstairs or be alone with your child alone- the last one is down to safeguarding.

Teachers did a home visit for my eldest 12 years ago - so it’s been going on a while in many places! They absolutely should not be going beyond your reception room or kitchen though - that is really odd & id be unimpressed.

Ours does home visits. They would have been happy that the child was engaging with them and was excited to show them things, my kids both completely blanked them.

why though? is it a new thing? never heard of it before!

What on Earth is a Primary School Home visit?! I have 4 kids, three grandkids over 10 and have never, ever heard of this??

Not long after I moved into a flat a plumber turned up to do some work. I felt embarrassed as I had no bedroom carpet, so I got an off cut & put it by the bedroom door leaving it slightly ajar so he’d think I had carpet in there. It all went very well until he went in there to check the radiator. I know that he knew what I’d done.

Things went from bad to worse a few weeks later when the same plumber turned up just after I’d had a poo. I tried to get my H to answer the door & take the 💩for me, but he wouldn’t as he couldn’t see a problem with it. I stood in front of the bathroom door to prevent him from going in there, & chatted for as long as I could whilst hoping & praying that the smell had gone.

I'd be so disappointed in that school with such an inconsiderate teacher who goes upstairs without checking with an adult, that I'd definitely change the school. OP don't feel embarrassed even for a moment

If it makes you feel any better, I had a bedroom salesperson round to quote for some wardrobes last week and realised my selection of foobs (fake boobs) (had breast cancer) were piled up on a chest of drawers!

Schools have done home visits for many years before children start in reception. It’s an opportunity for parents to ask any questions and for staff to see new children in a comfortable environment. They did stop during covid but fairly standard again now. Not in any way compulsory!

"Get to know the child in his home environment"?

What the heck?

Invasive and judgemental. I'd be complaining to the Governors about this. As if getting children into Primary isn't hard enough nowadays!!

We've got a primary school home visit booked
Plus they were visited at nursery
Plus a 2 hour welcome morning to meet the teacher at the school
Plus a whole week of settling in, doing very short days.

Feels like overkill to me, especially as I've had to book 7.5 days off work for it - no idea how I'm going to manage school holidays now with annual leave (new job so not entitled to parental leave)

This!

I would complain to the school!

We had home visits for our DC, three different schools.

Is being alone with a child really a SG issue?

Your bedroom sounds totally normal for a working family and a working day. Or at any time you want!

😆love it!

My 20 year old had a home visit when he started school.

No teacher would ever have disappeared upstairs with him though. I'm pretty sure that'd be seen as a big red flag re safeguarding.

The concept is an odd one but honestly I think they will be glad you are normal.
You will be memorable at least

This was a thing when DC started a number of years ago but it was because the school was heavily over subscribed and loads of people were using friends/relatives addresses for applications. The prospect of a home visit was meant to discourage such applications.

So normal its not even worth worrying about...

I give you, for your 'normalising' needs:

1/ In person dog training client - I turn up to her house, her husband is to meet me there as she is running late.

I am greeted at the door by a HUGE rottweiler who has in his jaws... a pair of very frilly fancy knickers, which he shoves at me and waves around, then does a lap of the front garden with.

Husband mortified, was apparently told to remove pants from airers before I came round as dog has a habit of doing this (greeting people with a gift he swipes in passing)... and obviously didn't.

No way to pretend to wife that this did not happen as its all recorded on their pet camera system that is on her phone!

By the time she walked in, she'd already seen it all on the camera, bless her - didn't bother me in the slightest but she was pretty mortified!

2- Husband fail again - sent me a 'walk through' video of their home ahead of a remote consultation. I needed to know the layout. I did NOT need to see the airer full of panties, or the adult toys drying on the side in the bathroom (i didnt need to see the bathroom AT ALL actually, just teh rooms the dog goes in!).

Again, wife saw what he'd sent me too late... and just before our zoom session. I think he got shouted at later!

No one died, its all normal stuff people normally have in their normal houses. Asides from threads like this, where people are prompted to remember this stuff, it will be forgotten about in moments!

"To scout out potential neglect"?

So yes, invasive and judgemental.

People's normalities are all different. One visit would not be enough to 'scout out neglect'.

Unless it's money. So poor families get picked on and judged but wealthy ones don't. What else could you tell from one visit.

😂😂🤣 Us teachers have seen it all, believe me! One of my pupils brought in a vibrating ‘bracelet’ to school on a tight rubber band. It wasn’t a bracelet. 🙈

Firstly, the teacher shouldn't have gone into your room. In all likelihood they stayed outside while your DC went into the room and at most caught a glimpse of the inside.

Secondly, this sounds like a perfectly normal bedroom, especially when the rest of the house needs to be cleared and tidy! I would laugh it off and move on. I am a primary school teacher myself and I promise they will have seen worst.

So normal, nothing to worry about! I was expecting you to say you had a giant glittery vibrator or strap on on your bed or something! 😆

It had been going on for a long time when I started as an Early Years teacher in the 80s. I never did it because I was expected to do it in my own time and I also agree with pp who think it is unnecessary and intensive.

It's beyond the pale that a teacher went to the private area of your home. Even if invited by the child, the answer is 'No, dear, let's stay down here. Bedrooms are private."