AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

You lost me when you tried to say that being a wife is somehow extra work. The examples on here are ridiculous but that's just, no

OP are you going to venture into the discussion about unequal gender roles and how the term ‘mental load’ might have evolved from this inequality?

You do know about the historic oppression of women, I assume?

Hats off to all the posters who are still patiently explaining to the OP what dozens of posters have spent pages charitably explaining.

It's unfortunate that the OP considers themselves a superior type of woman, so superior that they need to dismiss other women's lived experiences and systemic issues of unequal domestic load, that they're unlikely to leave the thread taking on board any perspective other than their own.

Maybe those with 'mental load' issues would find things easier if stopped geting themselves worked up on Internet forums about this and cracked on with life's to do list! Perhaps this is why others find it easier as they are just cracking on with it instead of scrolling through mumsnet?!

Scrolling through Mumsnet is where I go to switch my brain off.

The to-do lists are infinite, though. Simply cracking on doesn’t stop the list. Or the problem that by cracking on, you’re taking it all on. And it’s not the tasks themselves, it’s the thinking about it. If my DP could simply tell me what task to do to help him, I’d happily do it!

Yes I'm aware no I don't want lectured

Don't you think women that are putting up with all these men that are unable to see dirty dishes or know whether or not their kids clothes fit etc etc complaining that they're useless but going on to have several children with them despite this are putting themselves down?

Other than my own DS dad, I have never met any of these useless men in my life, they're all capable adults and good fathers. In the case of my DS's dad I knew very quickly he was awful and rather than go on to have more kids, I had the respect for myself and my son to get rid. It's sad these others don't

You're complaining about thinking?!

I feel very very sorry for a person who when trying to list their mental load comes up with laundry, uniform, annual insurance, and dentist appointments as their first 4 things they can think of.

My ex never did anything, we never lived together and he sometimes made the effort to come down to see him... Literally see. I got rid of him when DS with 3/4 months old.

I don't want to be an ally to anyone that sees being a wife as work, or are complaining about useless men and how little they do but not having the respect to stop themselves from having several kids with them. Classing thinking about doing things as work, or what to tell others to do or what soap to buy etc etc. That to me is pathetic

I don't know if that's aimed at me or not but they're the examples that I was given. Along with where to keep cleaning supplies, buying cards and presents for partner's family and thinking that the grass needs cut

So it's society's fault that despite your ex being a useless shit, you continued to sleep with him without BC and have more children for him to ignore... OK

🥱

Thinking must be included as part of this mental load concept

Why are women having several children with men they deem useless. That is their fault

Well, quite. I don't see why it's sexist to point that out. You often know even before the first child that your partner is crap, but you will certainly know once the baby comes along. And yet they get pregnant again. And possibly again. And then add a dog. And a cat. And then moan about mental load and a useless partner. Well...you don't have a TARDIS but didn't you think about any of this before?

*It's unfortunate that the OP considers themselves a superior type of woman, so superior that they need to dismiss other women's lived experiences and systemic issues of unequal domestic load&

No, the OP thinks that women have a little more agency and can make more sensible life choices.

This does not apply to people whose kids have special needs or health conditions which DO involve a mental load.

But running a household in normal circumstances with a normal partner who pulls their weight (at least to some degree) is just being an adult.

A meaningful retort there. So men are absolving themselves of their responsibilities and dumping it on women. You're absolving yourself of your responsibility to not fall pregnant (again) to a loser by blaming society. Yes it's societies fault you had unprotected sex. Heard it all now

It's the fault of society apparently

I see this is still rumbling on…..

It’s clear that am impasse has been reached.

OP has a particular perspective, as do another few contributors that women are not disadvantaged by a society that seeks to impose certain expectations on each sex. That any perceived problems are created by women themselves. That NAMALT so the ones that are should be kicked into touch regardless of circumstance.

A majority of posters have tried to explain their different perspectives based on their knowledge and experience but because it is different to the OP it is invalid.

Whatever is brought up it seems it is incumbent on women to solve the problem, but preferably without discussing it, finding terms to describe their feelings and experiences and also to keep being mindful that men as a class, or the system, are in no way responsible for, nor contributing to the problems described.

My mind is boggling at the absolutely circular nature of the thread.

So many well thought out and reasoned posts here are just met with “nope, you’re wrong,” and I’m utterly convinced this thread does have a particular agenda.

Fascinating.

And to those struggling with “mental load” (just so OP can have a satisfying cringe), you have my solidarity.

You're complaining about thinking?!

Ffs why are you so hard of understanding? It's completely normal for people to complain about thinking.

When people have a mentally demanding, non manual job, it isn't all the typing on the keyboard they complain about, is it.

When students do exams, they don't complain about writing on the paper.

They complain about the thinking.

So your reason for this thread is to get validation of your superiority? And your sadness for women in bad situations manifests itself as criticism?

In fairness, I am not surprised that you are lost on this post, given that everyone else's have sailed spectacularly over your head too.

I'm sorry it grates on you that over a hundred people have now pointed out the groundbreaking news that your situation is so much easier that you find it easy.

Your inability to accept that, is up to you. But you have to wonder why nearly everyone on this thread is telling you so, and I'll give you a clue, it's not because they are all stupid and create work for themselves.

Then explain how being a wife is work.

You're seeing pps blaming society for them fucking losers and getting pregnant right? You can understand how I'm finding the explanations and examples laughable?

Continuing to sleep with and have children by someone you think is useless shows a massive lack of self respect and that is sad yes

'It's just being an adult'

Sure it is. So is doing the housework. So is having a job. So is being a parent. And they all have words to define them. Housework. Job. Parent. Even a small amount of time has a word for it - a second. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It does and there ls a word for it. That's the point of words. Otherwise conversations would be..

'What are you doing today?'
'Oh just being an adult.'
'Can you give me a hand with this?'
'Sorry no, I'm being an adult at the moment.'