AIBU to hate the term mental load?

[YeahIsaidit]

I cringe every time I read it, people lamenting that they can't cope with the mental load, partners aren't taking on an equal share of the mental load, argh! They're chores, household tasks, jobs. Mental load makes it sound like you're suffering from some kind of mental health issue rather than being dragged down by housework, stop it.

Weird that you've quoted me when I said very clearly that I don't find it onerous.

I think you're also assuming other people's lives are just like yours. People have more going on than cleaning school uniform and booking check ups.

I agree. Mental load of dental appointments? You go to an appointment and when you are there you make the next appointment, put it in the calendar and in six months time you do it again. It’s never ending.

I couldn’t disagree with you more OP. I think it perfectly describes the work that women have been doing for years with no recognition, precisely because of views like yours. ‘It’s only…’

I was so relieved to find out about this concept. It helped explain why I was constantly tired even though I worked part time. My job has a high mental load too.

Once I’d discussed this with DH and explained it, stated an article, he suddenly got it. It’s taken a few more years for me to feel that it’s more equally shared but sooo much easier. In fact I’m a bit more like he was now - bumble around at home, do what’s asked, wash up a bit, cook a bit, because I work more than him. It’s soooo much easier. I can see why men don’t want ti take it on!

I think most people use it only when comparing themselves to those who don't have it. Typically this is women married to men who don't think about the kids'dental appointment etc.
You may dislike the term but I think it accurately describes the things you use as examples.
You find this easy. Fair enough. But it's like moaning you don't like eg the word commute just because everyone has to get to work somehow.

*shared an article

I cringe at the term "wise up."

I like the phrase. It helped me see clearly and then list out all the things I had to think about that DH wasn't engaging with. Once listed I could see which ones I wasn't going to do any longer which reduced my 'mental load'. I work ft and have 2 dc. Things I stopped doing were his friends and family's xmas cards, gifts and social organising, sports kit for the sport he and DS take part in etc etc. Once I saw it as an unfair burden it was easier to stop doing certain things. Another phrase is wifework I suppose. Both phrases very useful for removing the sheer number of tasks from my shoulders.

I don't think you really understand. It's about making a conscious effort to remember everything about running a household, from what time to pick the kids up from school, to the MIL's birthday, to the name of the children's teacher.

A lot of men are too lazy to bother and some people get tired of it. That's all.

YABU. 'Wise up' yourself. It's not about the physical aspect of doing any of those things or how onerous actually doing the tasks is. It's about being the person who is responsible for every single one of them (almost always theb

(Almost always the woman*)

This might be worth a read if you think it's just about doing some chores (although possibly not helped by the article's title). For me it helped name something that I'd always felt but never had a term for previously! https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

If you exchange 'mental load' with 'can be arsed to think of it' does it make it less annoying? For example my kids enjoy their sports lessons because I can be arsed to book the lessons, pay the fee, wash the kit and make sure they have everything they need. DH drives them there. So it's always me who has to be arsed to think of it and if I didn't the sports lessons wouldn't happen, the kids would miss out, etc etc

Defaultsettings · Today 17:26
I agree. Mental load of dental appointments? You go to an appointment and when you are there you make the next appointment, put it in the calendar and in six months time you do it again. It’s never ending.

Bit it’s not just that is it. See ‘Fair Play’ by Eve Rodesky - it’s a very long list, the list of ‘shit that just needs doing’

You should give this a read OP

Since you've apparently completely misunderstood what the phrase means.

Nobody is suggesting that any one of the individual things you are stating are hard to do, just that it's a lot when it all falls to one person all the time to remember and keep on top of alongside working full time and actually keeping on top of general household chores. It's very easy for people to start to feel burnt out. Well done if you don't, you are obviously better than everyone else 👏

There isn't another word for it though. So far you've called it jobs, menial household shit, chores, household tasks...

When you are the only person remembering who goes to which club, what time it starts, what kit they need, is that kit clean, do they need fed beforehand and what do we have in the fridge, what date was the dress down day, do they need a pound for donation, who is picking up from the childminder tomorrow, have they been paid, when was the last dentist appointment, did that appointment for the doctor get put on the calendar....

That's the mental load. It's not the doing.

I used to do all the planning for Dad's sport to make sure she had everything and got there on time even if I wasn't the one taking her. I told DH it had to change cos I couldn't be at work worrying that he wouldn't remember something. So now if he is taking her, I know he is fully ensuring she gets there with everything she needs.

I think the OP understands perfectly well what it means, she's just enjoying putting down other women.

Have you just been told you are not carrying your share of it OP?

You have misunderstood what “mental load” is. But I think you have deliberately done this so there is no point trying to explain it to you!!

A classic example of a man asking a woman to do the mental load happened to me the other day. Work WhatsApp - he puts out a personal plea for X. I reply and say that I have got X - I’ll be at this place at this time so I can give it to you. He then wrote - great, thanks, can you remind me to meet you in the morning. Well now I know about this mental load thing, no mate! I told him I’d be quite busy (on my two hour commute) so wouldn’t have time to text him!! Set a fucking alarm.

😂😂😂 True enough!

Spinet · Today 17:29

They are his kids too. So if he also thinks it’s good for the kids to do those clubs then he should ‘be arsed’ - and that’s the point!

I don't like when people feel the need to moan about something in a condescending, snarky manner, but hey ho.

The majority of people here are telling you you don't understand the true meaning of the phrase, and your reaction to that is to select a couple of "easy" tasks and belittle their importance whilst purposefully ignoring the bigger picture as it doesn't suit your narrative. To be honest, that's pretty immature of you.

It's fine if you personally don't find daily tasks overwhelming. That's great, lucky you. But why do you feel the need to be so snarky about it and to make fun of people who do? Your reaction is way too over the top and just comes across asif if you're in a bad mood and fancied a wee rant so picked something random to rant about to make you feel better.

Do you just have the one kid?

The mental load when you have 4 like me, is quadrupled. Add in the SEN additional mental load for one child and the chronic medical additional mental load for another, on top of the mental load of a demanding job, and it does get tiring, and nowhere near the same as DH who pulls his weight with housework but never does the "remember to phone a plumber - pay student DS' rent - call school back about DD medical plan for next year - take the dog out at lunchtime- ask DS3 to get DH's birthday presents wrapped - pop out to get more bread - be in to meet DS's specialist careers advisor - be in to meet DS's PA - send birthday card to adult DD for next Monday - remind DD to make DH's birthday cake" I have had JUST TODAY whilst working a full day in a professional role. His mental load today over and above work has been "print tickets for weekend event".