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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Talk to me if you are an only child or only have one child....

153 replies

Noangelbuthavingfun · 19/07/2023 12:35

Feel utterly emotionally drained. Am 46....one DS...wonderful. He is 12. Long story short we started trying for no 2 when he was 4. 4 miscarriages later including one on IVF and we kind of had to accept it wasn't meant to be and I'll never forgive myself for not trying sooner but...
AIBU to feel like I've failed DS. He asked the other day can he give a sibling and ut brought it all back....
So talk to me if you are an only child OR have only one child. Don't hold back .... pros and cons . I need balanced perspective. Thank you !

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 20/07/2023 14:49

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 20/07/2023 14:01

I would also say that the thing I find most difficult about being an only child as an adult mind sound quite weird - but it’s the knowledge that once my parents are gone, I’ll have no link at all to my past. I’ll grieve for my parents alone with no one else who shared that grief or knows what it was like to be their child. I’ll have no one who shares any memories of that time and no one I can check anything about the past with.

It is hard. As someone who once had a sibling, it was something I thought about a lot when my parents died. It still hits me when I find myself thinking about the past and things I wish I’d checked with them. It’s tough.

FabFitFifties · 20/07/2023 15:01

We have one 12yo. I used to think holidays/christmas would be more fun for him with a sibling when he was little - but he knows no different. We had lots of days out with his friends in primary school (until bloody covid came). He has social anxiety (though you wouldn't know it when with his friends and familiar settings) - but I know plenty of people with siblings who have this too.

HerAvatar · 20/07/2023 16:38

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 20/07/2023 14:01

I would also say that the thing I find most difficult about being an only child as an adult mind sound quite weird - but it’s the knowledge that once my parents are gone, I’ll have no link at all to my past. I’ll grieve for my parents alone with no one else who shared that grief or knows what it was like to be their child. I’ll have no one who shares any memories of that time and no one I can check anything about the past with.

I just want to say that this isn't something that's necessarily 'solved' by having a sibling. I know for a fact that mine will provide no comfort, will not be remotely interested in sharing grief or memories and is highly unlikely to even keep in contact when DP's are gone. I fully expect him to actively make things more difficult if there are decisions to make about care for DP's and am already dreading his involvement when their house etc has to be sorted when they're gone.

I know that's still not the same as there being no one else who remembers, have just watched my DM go through exactly that after losing her only remaining sibling, but I just thought it might help to know that having a sibling is not always any sort of blessing!

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