Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

[Chocolatelover2023]

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

What's that china thing that you drink out of, usually a hot beverage?

Oh I remember!

MUG.

You're an absolute MUG zig you stay a second longer with this nasty, controlling weirdo.

He's not your partner. He's your Master.

He. Is. A. Cu.nt.

be gone from him, be happy.

I knew it, love. Get your stuff out of there asap - rent a van and take some friends with you, or get "a man with van" and say you want 2 men for the job. Rent a storage unit/locker if you need to and move on out of their lives asap x

Do this and asap too

Ah this is starting to make sense now. All farmers are like that, and the bit about the inlaws living next door, and owning BTLs.

Well done for getting the hell out OP - it doesn't sound like there is any reason for you to go back, other than to collect your stuff. Good luck with your future.

Obviously the op is being abused and needs to leave but as a side issue can I BEG all people never to enter into any financial agreement that means one person buys all the food. It is asking for trouble.

I once paid for all the food on a week long holiday in Cornwall (DP paid flights so it was fair) and by the end of it I was ready to shout ANOTHER FUCKING CREAM TEA FUCK OFF even though it was all technically fair.

Buying other people's food is nice for a treat but it does not work as a financial agreement between two adults. Just split everything or you'll be simmering with rage every time he wants a 99 cone.

Why on earth are you still there?

clever Stella !

This is the second poster recently with a dreadful partner who is a farmer.

Everyday is a school day on Mumsnet. Avoid marrying into a farming family

A relationship where you are not allowed to

Have a Bath

Flush the toilet

Turn the lights on

Only wash your clothes once a month

EIGHT YEARS?

The first time he said I couldn't flush the toilet, his head would have been down the toilet with the lid firmly slammed on his head.

What happens if you laugh at a this moron and flush the toilet, turn the light on and say fuck you, I'm having a bath!?!

:) It's a different world and culture. I believe the OP 100%, bless her. They can be very charming at first.

I guess I’m just scared.
I have known him since 2009, we met when I was 22 and he was 38.

Back in the early days he would wine and dine me, spoil me with gifts and holidays.
All that stopped as soon as I moved in.

He lied about his age, I only found out he was 52 in 2021.

Even in the early years every time I tried to break up with him he would harass me and my family.

He obtained my parents number from the contact section of my passport ( from when we went on holiday ) and called my Dad up once.

He would scare of any male friends I would have, he even told me he had AIDS once!

Because his family own a lot of land/ farm/ property and are very rich, I am scared of what they could do.

I am 36 now and just want to be free to live life as I used too at 22.

It's a different world and culture.

What about the world and culture causes this kind of thing? I know it's a very hard and demanding job but that's not unique to farming...

Seems implausibly bad tbh, who needs to be told that not being allowed to flush the toilet, wash clothes, have lights on or have a bath is abnormal.

And who would sit by paying the vast majority of life costs when a partner who owns multiple properties pays out hardly anything.

No mention of who pays the rent or mortgage? Or are you committing fraud on that element too?

Why is he claiming single occupancy when you live there?

You are being abused. The man you live with is an abuser.

Call women's aid. They will help you. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

This ! My question is what is wrong with you op to not have left a very long time ago unless you actually enjoy living like this. No one in their right mind would tolerate this. You obviously can't change him but you can control the choices you make. You don't have to live this way, you are choosing to.

Sorry I couldn’t read to the end, it was making me too stressed out. God knows what living this hell must be like.

OP, I’m not saying this to be flippant, but seriously, please leave this man. And soon. He sounds absolutely horrible. If he cared anything for you at all, he wouldn’t treat you this way or subject you to such misery. Your worth so much more than this.

This is no life at all.

Also, I assume your a successful professional person, so you need access to a washing machine on a regular basis to be presentable at work and so on. So it sounds like he’s even making your working life harder.

Honestly, this creature you describe needs to get in the sea!!!

(I bet if he’s a football fan he supports Chelsea).

Im actually so furious on reading this!!! 🤬

Good luck, we’re all rooting for you xx

Everyone is saying run for the hills, but all she pays for is food, Sky and broadband and the dogs! By all means leave, but you pay for next to nothing, you’ll be spending a lot more of you have to pay rent or mortgage, utilities and groceries. He sounds awful but you’ve omitted a lot of info, no mention of rent or mortgage. Who pays that?

Why on earth have you put up with this for so long?? The minute a partner would start telling you you can't have a bath, can only wash clothes once a month and can't flush the toilet (what?!) is the point you say 'nope not for me I'm done'. Make a plan to go then go without telling him, so he doesn't have the chance to guilt trip you. If he does start harrassing you, tell him to leave you alone or you'll report his fraudulent behaviour to the council! I really hope you get out of this, it sounds like he's being abusive to you.

I came to say the same! You know he’s a dishonest freeloader, so it’s not surprising he exploits you as well. All the rest just adds to the same conclusion: get away from him.

Also, you really don’t want to be mixed up with a fraudster who could end up in court.

Ditto.

He is absolutely taking advantage and sponging off you, and I think you'd be far better off moving out and finding your own small place to live.

By the way, are you on the Electoral Roll at that address? Because if you are, they will catch up with his 'single occupancy' nonsense eventually, and it won't be pretty. Don't tell him though - he deserves to be caught.

He sounds utterly vile in every aspect. As for the council tax, that is illegal and reading about what he is doing made me feel really angry. I live alone in a 2 up 2 down Band A and pay £120 a month, that's £30 more than this horrible man is paying and there are two of you living there. I think he is treating you in an abusive manner as well as making you a party to fraud. I had a mate whose partner claimed single person's discount and my friend was not allowed to register to vote as this would have showed them as living at the property. It was all part of a pattern of abuse and my friend left and went on to have a much happier life.

You don't need to live like this OP. Are there any burly male relatives that could you could take with a van to clear your stuff out of the house and take the dogs. If he harasses you then you can block his number and that of his vile family. You could also involve police if he continues to try and contact you. Does he leave the house to go to work? Can you clear your stuff while he is out of the house and leave a note to state that the relationship is over and you never want to see or hear from him again.

This is insane. You can't carry on living like this. He's bleeding you dry. Get away from him. He's defrauding the CT. If they find out he will get a massive fine/prison sentence. He sounds like a nut job TBH. Eating in the dark? FFS!!! Get out.

I'm assuming he owns the property so theres no mortgage?

I don't think she should stay but your right all the stuff she pays for adds up to less than £600...even on min wage job thats still a nice chunk of money left in your bank every month OP