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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

494 replies

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 12:00

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

OP posts:
Gh12345 · 19/07/2023 13:19

Leave.

Mummysalwaysright · 19/07/2023 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 19/07/2023 13:21

@WaltzingWaters @PaperwhiteTheGhost I've bit of Victim blaming- OP is being financially abused and he is the one defrauding the council tax!

AlfietheSchnauzer · 19/07/2023 13:23

DRS1970 · 19/07/2023 12:19

I stopped reading after you declared you are defrauding the council tax by falsely claiming single occupancy!

Victim blaming- OP is being financially abused and he is the one defrauding the council tax!

Lindy2 · 19/07/2023 13:24

Stop being a mug.

Just leave.

Twyford · 19/07/2023 13:25

Why on earth would you feel guilty about leaving this man? He's been exploiting you ruthlessly for years. Just get yourself and the dogs out of there, block all contact, and start enjoying life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/07/2023 13:27

HarrietStyles · 19/07/2023 13:17

I’m a Landlord and the law has changed recently - I cannot refuse a tenant pets unless there is a really valid reason (ie if it’s a tiny top floor studio apartment you could say not fair on a dog). My tenants have just got a dog as letting agency told me there was no reason for me to refuse. My friend has just rented a house last week with her 2 dogs. Very easy to get a rental with dogs in 2023.

I am a landlord. A landlord would still be able to pick the tenants they want if more than one prospective tenant applied for the property. So I can see that it could still be an issue.

We managed to rent somewhere about 10 years ago with a dog and we weren’t the only prospective tenants. I was very persistent with the letting agent and took 10 mins convincing them to speak to the landlord, who took us over others due to our strong financial position and persuading them that being landlords we would make excellent tenants etc.

wordler · 19/07/2023 13:27

I’d just start flushing the toilet and putting the lights back on.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 19/07/2023 13:27

You sound like a prisoner. Plan your escape asap.

Figgygal · 19/07/2023 13:27

Hes a financially abusive git
Noone should put up with that shit OP
Good luck finding somewhere for you and your dogs

StaunchMomma · 19/07/2023 13:28

I voted YANBU but I really wanted to vote YABU because WHY THE FECK ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THAT?!

Either sit him down and discuss food bills/ a fairer share of the monthly budget or, and this would be my route because your day to day life sounds miserable AF, LEAVE!

Misers don't change. It's in their nature. He will penny pinch for life whilst taking the piss out of your finances.

BodenCardiganNot · 19/07/2023 13:28

I have currently left to stay with a friend in a different city trying to sort out a place to rent.

That's great that you have left. I thought from your first post that you were still in the house with him.
Onwards and upwards.

corblimeylove · 19/07/2023 13:28

So 45mins after your first post you left and are in another city already?

Jellifulfruit · 19/07/2023 13:31

Sweetashunni · 19/07/2023 12:03

Ewwwww bin him

What they said ☝🏻

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

After my dog recovered and paying the £200 vet bill we had an argument over the £100 he promised to pay me.

I left after the argument and went to stay with a friend last Wednesday (I work from home and took my laptop with me ) but most my stuff is still at the house.

I feel a lot happier and defo want to end the relationship, I was not aware of the law in relation to the pets, very handy to know.

I still have to go back at some stage and I know his mum will be on my case.

OP posts:
Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 13:33

Yes they are farmers!

OP posts:
MrsMarzetti · 19/07/2023 13:38

You have been living a lie for years. He doesn't love or respect you, in fact you are just there to fund his life. No you have a choice, leave ( he won't care) or put up with being abused. Your choice, nobody else's.

Bananalanacake · 19/07/2023 13:38

Oh don't give a fuck about his mum, you're not married, it is not your job to cook for him every day, even if you were married it's still not your job.

CuriousGeorge80 · 19/07/2023 13:40

Oh come on OP, why on earth do you live like this? Take your dogs and leave!

10HailMarys · 19/07/2023 13:42

This is abusive, OP. You absolutely must, must leave this man. Who gives a shit if he ‘makes you feel guilty’? You’ve got nothing to feel guilty about whatever he says.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/07/2023 13:43

@Chocolatelover2023

how did you not get the ick when you saw for the first time that he doesn’t flush the bog after a piss?!

also did I read that right?? He eats 3 or 4 jacket potatoes at a time?! Wtf. Glutton.

piedbeauty · 19/07/2023 13:43

I got to 'you're not allowed to have a bath'.

Ffs, this is no way to live. Dump him, and move out. Then shop him to the tax office. He's horrific.

Friendofdennis · 19/07/2023 13:44

You are wasting your life in an emotionally and financially abusive set up. Can you arrange for someone else to look after your dogs and then find somewhere else to live then get your dogs back

mae2014 · 19/07/2023 13:45

You sound like a prisoner op? X

Bananaramad · 19/07/2023 13:47

I got as far as I'm not allowed...(to have a bath) doesn't matter what , no one can tell you what you are allowed to do, leave him.

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