Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

[Chocolatelover2023]

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

I was thinking only this morning whether it was abuse that my ex only let me put heating on if he was home to benefit. It would be 12 degrees in the house and sometime I would give in, put them on and make sure the radiators were off and cold by the time he got home. Electricity and gas were his bills.

In the end I deduced it was abuse.

My story sounds very similar to you. I would suggest finding a better man because experience has taught me that there will be no resolution to this that leaves you feeling heard, valued and seen.

Times are hard and we have to make cuts... he can be yours.
Of course he will be sad. So will you - but economies are more important than being happy - he knows that.

Enjoy your much less expensive and much more enjoyable new life.

(If he shows any signs of wanting to keep the dogs - agree that he should and look very relieved about the HUGE bills you won't have to pay. He'll be very keen that you keep them. )

Op will also be in trouble if she declares about the council tax surely

Why? It’s her partner who’s claiming the discount.

Wow.....go, stay gone, run free. Life a live with love, electricity, water, baths, food, light, light, heat, fresh washing, no oda decent sex life and happiness.

You have your laptop and presumably your dogs. If there anything you really need in the house because I think you would be better off to just stay gone.

Clothes, toiletries etc can be replaced it time. It's not worth the hassle or risk of going back unless you really need to.

If you do need to, don't go unaccompanied and do bring the police of needed.

Cancel every bill related to the house, get all your post redirected, change you phone number. The minute he kicks off get a restraining order.

You have many years ahead of you. It will never be this bad again. You're young, don't waste another second with this abusive pig.

Be careful OP. There was this case in the village near where Stanley Johnson lives https://www.somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-news/winsford-murder-zurick-inquest-shooting-3935493. The woman had decided to split from her husband and had gone back to pick up her belongings.

She's living there and not paying council text. I'd check if you're severally and jointly responsible for it before trying to report him.

Came to say the same

Not only is he a tight git he is hugely dishonest, both to the OP and to the LA, there must be others that the OP is not aware of!!
Hopefully the OP realises that the way she is living is not normal as to how the rest of society live. I don't think for one minute he or his family are going to want to fund the dogs, so I don't think she should worry on that front.
If I were her I would be gradually surreptitiously removing my belongings and stashing them elsewhere so she can leave one day, while perhaps on the premise she is taking the dogs out.
A lot for the OP to think about and work out.

Okay, let me clear this up first.

Having money or being rich does not make him or his family more powerful than you. ONLY you have the ability to stop this madness and ONLY you have the power to do so.

No one has the power to make you feel guilty. No one has the power to stop you from living your life.

He took advantage of you starting at the age of 22 and sadly, got you brainwashed into thinking his way was "the way". It isn't.

Call woman's aid. Do not go back to your house alone for any reason. Take people with you to pack up your items. If he pulls any crap at all, call the police.

Take your dogs, find an apartment/house and starting living. You've missed a lot.

Oh, and call the council office after you leave and report him for fraud. Change your number and make sure he has access to nothing of yours.

If this isn't a wind-up, I wish you the best and understand why you have had trouble leaving. He sounds like a svengali to me.

Because his parents are also like that and also live a similar way to him, I just thought it was me with the issues.

As a grown woman @Chocolatelover2023 who met him in your late 20s, I really find this hard to believe.

Your own parents surely did not live like this?

Sorry, this doesn't wash with me.

I completely agree OP. Do you definitely have to go back? Everything can be replaced and I would do as much as humanly possible to avoid confrontation with him and his deranged family. If you absolutely have to go back, do not go alone. Contact the police and tell them you're fleeing an abusive relationship. It will be the truth.

As soon as you said about the extreme money pinching and his mother living next door I knew this would be a farming family. Unfortunately I've known many, growing up very rurally and keeping horses. My friend had to flee an abusive relationship with a farmer and it was not pretty. Please keep yourself safe.

Sounds like a smelly, horrid way to live.

The law has not changed re dogs in rentals. There is a proposed change in the Renters Reform Bill.

The model tenancy agreement changed last year to include dogs but I don't actually know any landlords who use it in any case. The majority of landlords do not want dogs in their properties due to the high level of costs determined following the end of the tenancy when it's cleaned/decorated/renovated for the next tenants.

Yabu for still being there.

Snap.

^This.
Why on earth are you with him!

Honestly why would you live like that? You can’t even flush the toilet? Read your message back and give yourself advice and I bet it would be ‘run for the hills!’

When it’s toilet flushing. Day do yourself a favour and throw him in the loo at the same time!

no seriously leave you deserve better!

I am considering contacting the police about this as I know when I go to get my stuff him and his parents will kick off.

So why don't you collect your things when he is not in the house?

No advice on how you are choosing to live your life OP, but I would love to know how your gas & elec bills are only £90 a month!

When you live together you both become responsible for these things

I agree!

Sorry, I don't believe this for a minute.....

very weird & disturbing, run away & dont go back!