Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

[Chocolatelover2023]

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

Maybe there are some different ones, as obviously I don't know all the farmers in the UK, but the ones who owned the farm where I used to keep my horse match her description EXACTLY. As do the ones on the farm where I grew up (we were tenants on the farm, not farmers) who were actually terrifying and used to knock on the door in the middle of the night and demand my parents (both actually dentists) did their teeth, and made their adult son who had learning difficulties live in what used to be an apple barn, with no shower or toilet facilities or a kitchen. Because it was an apple barn.

🌺

He can eat 4 jacket potatoes??

You are being treated like a child. Make a plan to leave.
Your life is unacceptable.
He's abusing you mentally.
Tell council the truth.
Cancel sky and broadband.
Pack and leave. Take dogs with you.
Good luck

Potatoes are actually quite cheap though, now if he was eating the OPs caviar he might have been costing her a fortune.

Really?

It’s not the price I’m amazed by it’s the ability to eat that many in one go

I can't believe what I'm reading. I almost hope this isn't real because it's so so awful that someone would have to put up with this.

There would be no point. I hope OP is going to make it so he’s no longer committing fraud!

OP, please don’t waste any more of your young life on this man. Get out as soon as you can. Might be hard to find a rental that will take dogs. Perhaps your family can help when you reconnect with them. But there is nothing, absolutely nothing else to hold you to this awful, selfish manipulative man!

Good grief, you are paying to be financially abused! Get the hell out of there, you don’t need any excuse or permission from him or anybody to leave.

If you are a bit reluctant to call it a day, just move out, keep things separated and watch his behaviour like a hawk. Any sign of selfishness, end it.

I think it's a case of NAFALT. I live rurally and do recognise the description of some farmers as cruel and a bit bonkers. I know land agents who have come across relatives unknown to the outside world, living in cupboards, because they have some form of disability, possibly brought about by inbreeding. There's a farmer near me who periodically goes mad with a shotgun, although to be fair I think his shotguns have now been taken off him.

Many are perfectly lovely and work hard at a very difficult job. Others, well they do rather feed the stereotype. It's like being in a episode of Midsomer Murders at times.

Then @derxa you are not farming correctly.

Farmers have huge resentment for the rest of the population, as they consider themselves as working harder than anybody else without the respect they should get. The "feeding the nation" mentality warps their minds, and they whine and rail against anyone with the temerity to have a good pension, plans for retirement, the ability to work from home (erm, which farmers actually do themselves...) or the ability to run a profitable business that isn't entirely propped up by inherited wealth and state subsidies.

And yes, you both are doing tax fraud by him claiming single ocupancy council tax discount!

OMG, take the dogs and go, OP!

Haven’t read the thread so sorry if these questions have already been asked:

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.
why is only paying single occupancy if you are there ?

am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

why are you putting up with this?

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

or this

I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much
what?

The advice and and support on here has really opened my eyes, thank you to everyone who has posted.

Because his parents are also like that and also live a similar way to him, I just thought it was me with the issues.

The toilet, bath, electric, washing clothes thing only started about a year or so after me living there, it wasn’t straight away.

I am considering contacting the police about this as I know when I go to get my stuff him and his parents will kick off.

Ex partner has a very aggressive and nasty side to him.
The
The house is on a private drive (owned by his folks) where there are only 5 other properties 3 of which are owned by his parents and brother.
There is CCTV everywhere and his parents whose house is the first one on the drive sit in front of the CCTV monitor watching who comes and goes.

As the Council Tax has always been in his name and he has never declared me living at the property, when the census form came though, he only declared himself living at the property.

The gullibility of some MNetters never fails to amaze me

That's as far as I read, too, and my response was the same.

Excellent summary.

Definitely leave this mad situation.

As a grown woman, you made a choice to enter such a living arrangement? How strange.

He's not your partner, its ridiculous to give him that title. You're a housemate enabling him to live cheaply and conveniently.

The obvious answer is to leave. After all, you clearly can afford to support yourself rather than support a man.

This!

The situation the OP now finds herself in didn't happen overnight. She says herself in her 2nd post that she was only 22 when she met this sorry excuse for a man, he was much older and took advantage of her naivety.

OP, well done for seeing things for what they are and taking the first step towards a better life. Please find the strength to keep your resolve and not give in to any pleas for forgiveness or empty promises that things will change, or to any attempts to make you feel guilty. You are not the guilty party here and, should it be needed, the law will be on your side.

Lots of advice already given regarding renting with dogs so I do hope you manage to find somewhere soon. Best of luck!

He has committed fraud for EIGHT years. He owes the Council that money and they can go back 8 years to reclaim it from him.

I'm dubious about the other properties they own and what's happening there. Are the council even aware they are being lived in. So many scams like this

The whole family sound unhinged. Do you have a trusted friend who is assertive and calm who could go with you to collect your things op? Or can you pack up and leave (maybe stealthily) with your essentials without him/ them noticing ?

Stockholm syndrome or making it up? Has to be one or the other. Get help to go if this is genuine. Women's Aid is one number you should have on speed dial, and ring them right now.