Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

[Chocolatelover2023]

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

How on earth can you have sex with this POS? Have some respect for yourself and move out. I fail to see how he is bringing any joy into your life? Why are you with him!!!

Ruuuuuuun

Sorry but sort yourself out, this is absolutely pathetic. If you don’t respect yourself no one else is going to.

The age gap is enlightening. You got groomed (love bombed, removed from family support, locked into strict 'terms', monitored, and bonded with dependants who tie you further to your abuser).
You're young enough to leave, find a normal man and even start a family. Tell your parents the truth.

Not able to wash your clothes
Not able to bath
No light in the evening
Not allowed to use the oven

Why would you stay ?

He is a bully !

Leave, leave, leave

What, what, what, just WHAT are you doing OP? Can't you see that this is clearly financial abuse (not to mention other kinds of abuse). You need to run for the hills before this guy bankrupts you.

This is a miserable way to live. Get out now. You will be so much happier

He sounds controlling and abusive. Why are you with him? I suggest that you make practical arrangements to find somewhere new to live and move out. If you need help, women's aid will help you. You deserve better than this and if you have children, so do they.

Report him to the police for help to get your belongings as you have finally fled an abusive controlling coercive relationship.

Report him to the Council for under paying for years.

Tell the council that you have fled an abusive relationship too.

Of course cancel everything in your name TODAY.

The entire set up is ridiculous.

You've wasted years of your life with a man who is 16 years older than you.

Some things in your posts are just odd. He paid off his mortgage in his 30s?
Is he rich?

And I'm surprised he's not been caught out for paying a single person's occupancy.

You surely must be listed on some data base as living there? Has no one joined the dots?

Everyone has to look at this in the context of a huge power inbalance and grooming from an early age. We can add a powerful local family into the mix along with isolation from any support outside this disfunctional family and it's not surprising the OP feels powerless and vulnerable and unable to see how bad a situation she is in. She's focused on him being greedy, when everyone can see it's abusive.
Families like this can react really badly to being made to look, in their eyes, foolish and leaving a son can bé seen as that.
So OP, you should take advice on here about not letting him know you are going, plan it properly and get all the support and help you can. Include any outside Agencies, friends and family.

OP you are being abused and need to leave.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ),

Well, you're being subject to abuse and coercive control, and he is a criminal fraudster.

YABU.

, Ifeel like a prisoner

You are.

And you are being abused.

What sort of life did you have before you met him?

You appear to have a very skewed idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.

I suggest you invest in some therapy once you have left. Do not go near another man until you get your head sorted out and appreciate what abuse is.

Same here. I don’t actually believe this post.

Why are allowing yourself to be treated like this. You don’t need his permission to leave. I hope you don’t have kids with him.

This all makes a lot of sense and isn't something I'd have come across, being a dyed in the wool city slicker.

Thank you.

This. Run. X

I don't think I'm being overly dramatic when I say this relationship with all the hallmarks of coercive control and abuse. You need to make arrangements to get you and your dogs away from this man as soon as you can.

Just reading about this man gives me the ick. How do you bear to occupy a physical space near him?

Take your dogs and run. He can live in his piss-scented hellhole by himself.

When you leave, turn all the taps on before you do.

His family can’t stop you leaving, no matter how rich they are.
Tell your own family and ask for their help.

Take the dogs and run, bloody hell you cant even flush the toilet and eat in the dark....sounds like a nightmare. The bath issue i get as my OH never lets me have one its all showers bla bla bla, come to think of it we "have to" hold to flush if we have a number 1 (eye rolls).

Yeah deffo run and take the dogs, see how far he gets without your money. looks like you could probably afford something (shrugs)

I do not believe for one second that any of this is true. Why would someone live like this for 2 years?

He'd better be really good in the sack. There is no other reason to stay with him. 😂