Child maintenance one night stand

[Roses121]

I got pregnant from a one night stand 2 years ago. I was 19 at the time and he was 35. Wasn’t really thinking straight and although we used contraception I ended up pregnant.

I made the decision to keep my baby and knew full well I would be raising him on my own. I didn’t want a relationship with him.
I didn’t have any expectations for his father although he said he wanted to be in his life and has been.

My son has never stayed overnight with him as he’s breastfed (16 months now), so we’ve only ever met at public places as I would feel a bit weird having him at my place and vice versa.
When we met I was aware that he had kids (2) and he told me he had split from his ex 3 years prior. Looking back now, it’s possible he lied about the last part just to get me in to bed.
I have not met her or their kids or anyone from his family and vice versa. Contact is not that often, maybe once or twice a month.

I am starting uni in September and will have less money since I’ll have to take on less hours at work. Up until this point I have never asked him for money nor has he offered but after looking at the child maintenance calculator I think my son is entitled to 300-400 monthly.

I know that legally a man is obliged to pay this but morally speaking, would it be wrong to put in a claim since we didn’t plan the baby? Also I will add that although he was shocked when I told him I was pregnant, as was I, he never said ‘I don’t want it.’ I think it’s likely that he pays for his other kids, whether he is in a relationship with her or not, so I think it’s unfair on my son to get nothing but I’m also aware if I do claim it then he’ll have less money for his other kids so I feel a bit bad about that.
I don’t know his salary but Googling average incomes for his job are between 30-50k hence why it estimates 300-400, he is also currently building a house in another country so I know he’s not broke if you get me.

Hope this all make sense x

The man-hating on this thread is eye-opening

I don't hate men, but I do take a dim view of married men in their mid-30s having ONS's with teenagers.

The man-hating on this thread is eye-opening

Saying that a man should take financial responsibility for the children they produce is "man hating"? Wow!

No, that is not man-hating. I personally am consistent in saying the men should pay once the child is born.

It's the sneering, jeering, paranoid derogatory comments about men that wind throughout this thread, as though they all are feckless predators and serves them right for having a recreational shag. And the concurrent absolution of women, no matter what crappy situations they create for their offspring.

It's the sneering, jeering, paranoid derogatory comments about men that wind throughout this thread, as though they all are feckless predators and serves them right for having a recreational shag. And the concurrent absolution of women, no matter what crappy situations they create for their offspring.

Yeah right.

"men.....as though they are all feckless predators "

"concurrent absolution of women no matter what crappy situations they create"

God. 🙄

I think you mean :

Not saying men shouldn't have to help the offspring provide equally for a baby that resulted from his decision to engage in a baby making activity with a woman, for pragmatic societal reasons, but I do feel sympathy if a method of contraception all of which have a known failure rate was agreed-to in advance, a pregnancy occurred as result of the man deciding to engage in baby making activity with a woman and then she won't terminate. Especially after the man decided that risk of a one-night stand night of baby making activity with a woman he has no intent of having any future relationship with was worth taking a risk of making a baby and creating a permanant social link

The man-hating on this thread is eye-opening. As a woman myself, I happen to believe that women hold most of the power when it comes to reproduction, have an additional choice when a baby is made and with greater power comes greater as men have the equal responsibility / accountability for the conditions in which offspring are produced men just need to remember they lack that additional choice. Plus now with DNA, men cant just call the woman a slut and claim the baby is not his baby too. Every child should be planned and wanted.
People Women who won't terminate might want to avoid casual sex with strangers men who dont understand how humam sexual reproduction works to avoid these sorts of situations and men who dont wan't a baby should only have sex when they have a change of mind and decide to engage in sexual reproduction to "make" a baby.

Its a little anti-social teach men its ok to treat women like blow-up sex dolls and women that they should keep their legs shut.

No, hun, that's not what I meant.

How sad that so few women are willing to take responsibility for their reproductive choices.

How sad that so few women are willing to take responsibility for their reproductive choices.

How sad you even think you know something like that and are willing to say it without a shred of evidence.

Just because you're in a strop because you got your arse kicked on a SM thread.

You have chosen to wait until now so just give him a bit more time to process.
Indicate that you think it fair that he considers financially helping and wait to have a conversation with him, face to face.

You always have legal processes available.
He might offer something different but fair or even better - you never know.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune

Giving unconditional approval to antisocial behaviour shouldn't be a prerequisite to posting in this forum.

The antisocial behaviour is a man in his mid 30s sleeping with a 19 year old, also the fact that he acknowledged and sees the child but doesn't want to pay towards the child, perhaps that's because he's only seeing the child because he uses it as an excuse to take photos of the OP because he's clearly a massively creepy arsehole.

Regardless of whether you used contraception or not, when a man is willing to leave his penis in, it becomes his responsibility also seeing as contraception isn't 100% effective. There's always that chance.
Therefore I wouldn't feel bad and it's your son's money not yours so if you look at it like that, it might make you feel stronger to put up a fight if need be.

Sweetie, the OP took 100% responsibility for her reproductive choice. She did not leave her baby behind in the hospital.

The man in this situation has failed to take responsibilty for his reproductive choice.

Its very ugly to suggest that the OP should have killed her baby to save its father 300 quid a month.

Zelda - I hadnt thought of it like that - but I agree with you. Basically it is correct that if someone is going to have casual sex (ie outside a "relationship" per se) then they do need to be prepared to deal with it. That being by taking their own contraceptive precautions in advance (ie the Pill or being sterilised - dependant on whether they ever intend to have children or no and can manage to get sterilised if they don't) and also prepared to have an abortion if need be. It's actually taking responsibility for oneself to ensure one has done one's own precautions/though this through.

Yep....there is one heck of a lot of man-hating going on on this thread - anyone would think men are a different species!

But if someone knows they won't terminate an accidental pregnancy, in effect they are choosing the baby daddy any time they sleep with someone. I would think anyone who is anti-abortion would be extremely selective.

And if someone doesn't know, because they haven't been faced with decision yet? How very clear cut.

anyone would think men are a different species!

They do sometimes stand out a lot.

I think OP has been jolly decent up til now to let the man see his son. I'm staggered that he's offered no help up til now. Late to this but OP, please pursue this and get your son what he and you deserve. Might make this man think twice about doing this again and fathering another child he has no intention of being responsible for

It's actually taking responsibility for oneself to ensure one has done one's own precautions/though this through.

OP has taken responsibility. She's bringing up a child.

I'm sorry but if he didn't want the baby and you chose to keep it anyway. Morally no I don't think he should pay a penny.

In what way is it moral for a man not to support his own child? Whose interests are you prioritising?

He told her to keep the baby, he sees said baby, he calls himself Dad.

I would say it's the posters on here who think silly little 36 year old men couldn't possibly know their mind or what they are doing who, poor little lambs that are really man hating. I'm sorry your experiences of men are so horrendous but men know what they're doing, they are cleverer than you think.

I'm sorry but if he didn't want the baby and you chose to keep it anyway. Morally no I don't think he should pay a penny.

Best to read the thread. He told her to keep the baby.

Sweetie, the OP took 100% responsibility for her reproductive choice. She did not leave her baby behind in the hospital.

The man in this situation has failed to take responsibilty for his reproductive choice.

@AnSolas but it wasn’t his choice, was it?

They're used to a world where men's best interests are usually prioritised and it blows their minds that this is more or less the only time women's interests come first. If they can't march a woman to an invasive and potentially traumatising medical procedure, nor offload sole responsibility for their own child and choices on to the mother and state, they see it as hate. They feel that entitled to risk and consequence free sex that if they don't want to support their own child, literally anyone but them should have to do it.

They think women and taxpayers have more responsibility for their lives than they have. And it's man hate to believe otherwise.

but it wasn’t his choice, was it? @AnSolas

He never said he didn't want the baby.