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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

377 replies

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 08:39

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Hateitissues · 19/07/2023 10:27

Hufflepods · 19/07/2023 10:21

Multiple times you have commented on my work pattern now. What a helpful contribution to the thread.

Show quote history

i asked how many times a week you did this commute? (You didn’t answer)

and

I asked whether you were wfh or on holiday given the time you have dedicated to this thread

do 2 questions constitute multiple?

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/07/2023 10:28

Threads like this make me glad I live up north.

Coolhwip · 19/07/2023 11:00

Hateitissues · 19/07/2023 10:27

i asked how many times a week you did this commute? (You didn’t answer)

and

I asked whether you were wfh or on holiday given the time you have dedicated to this thread

do 2 questions constitute multiple?

Show quote history

Those questions seem pretty irrelevant, no wonder OP may have missed them.

arlequin · 19/07/2023 11:05

@JudgeRudy the London seats all do say this. And as I said before, it's not just about feeling tired, it's about being more at risk of falling if the train/bus suddenly jolts.

arlequin · 19/07/2023 11:08



arlequin · 19/07/2023 11:09

Here is one

Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?
Hateitissues · 19/07/2023 11:43

Coolhwip · 19/07/2023 11:00

Those questions seem pretty irrelevant, no wonder OP may have missed them.

Show quote history

Fair point!

JudgeRudy · 19/07/2023 12:34

I didn't say I would though! Besides, it's a bit of a jump to assume my motivation. I'd obey the rules of the service provider. If there are other 'rules' I'll decide for myself on the day. That would include someone holding a toddler, carrying heavy shopping bags or new ironing board or just looking 'about 60' or feeble or upset. No discrimination on gender.

JudgeRudy · 19/07/2023 12:39

How many people so far have said they wouldn't though. (I've not read every post)

Bellajac · 19/07/2023 12:40

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/07/2023 10:28

Threads like this make me glad I live up north.

I'm in London. I've never seen a situation where a pregnant woman hasn't been offered a seat. Im not saying it doesn't happen, but I'm on trains, tubes and buses most days and I don't experience it (maybe because I would always offer!). It's not a north/south thing.

thehonscupboard · 19/07/2023 13:11

Hufflepods · 18/07/2023 18:43

@thehonscupboard I worked in retail for a few years and sometimes after 10 hour shifts on my feet I would really resent people who clearly worked office jobs who were sat down as they'd clearly been sat down ALL DAY LONG.

People who work an office style job don’t necessarily sit down all day long, that’s a bit of a generalisation.
I work an office based role but im also out and about for large chunks of the day in meetings at client locations.

Yes you're right. Commuting always made me irrationally hate everyone.

Very depressing reading about the experiences you've had. You really shouldn't have to ask people for their seats either, when there are clearly labelled instructions on the priority seats.

Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 18:52

What makes you think your entitled to one?
being pregnant is not an illness, or an excuse to use because you need a seat, people are paying just as much as you to sit down, get in there quicker or get on at an earlier stop.
Some people sat down may need the seat as much as you think you do. or have an illness that is not visible to you or others. Maybe take a fold seat with you if you feel faint then use it!
if you want something then ask for it, otherwise your not going to get it !!!!
so in answer to your question yes I think you are being unreasonable.

HolidayHollie · 19/07/2023 18:58

As others have said, you don't know that those other people don't need the seats. They could have problems that make it difficult for them to stand even temporary ones.

I remember not being offered a seat on the train during my first pregnancy and I started driving to work although I realise that is not an issue for everyone.

HolidayHollie · 19/07/2023 18:59

I would offer a seat if I saw someone who was pregnant and I didn't need to sit myself.

I also remember being on a train when I wasn't pregnant and a woman who was seemed to have a bit of an attitude about it and I don't think that helps their case.

HolidayHollie · 19/07/2023 19:00

I also remember a time when I had a ticket and seat reservation for a 2 hour train journey and some cheeky fucker refused me the seat as he said he had booked it too. Another woman on the train gave me her seat and I think he then felt bad as he tried to offer his seat to her but she said no.

Sigmama · 19/07/2023 19:00

Joanne, of course a pregnant woman is entitled to a seat, How uncaring

Original poster
Hufflepods · 19/07/2023 19:04

Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 18:52

What makes you think your entitled to one?
being pregnant is not an illness, or an excuse to use because you need a seat, people are paying just as much as you to sit down, get in there quicker or get on at an earlier stop.
Some people sat down may need the seat as much as you think you do. or have an illness that is not visible to you or others. Maybe take a fold seat with you if you feel faint then use it!
if you want something then ask for it, otherwise your not going to get it !!!!
so in answer to your question yes I think you are being unreasonable.

What makes you think your entitled to one?
being pregnant is not an illness, or an excuse to use because you need a seat

Probably the signs on and above the 8 priority seats in every carriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hufflepods · 19/07/2023 19:06

It’s also interesting that @Joanne19900 seems to have name changed just to post that ranty comment.

OP posts:
ForTheSnarkWasABoojumYouSee · 19/07/2023 19:34

I can't think what could have given the OP the idea that she's specially entitled to a seat.
Alt text: the images attached display a sign from a London Underground train and symbols woven into a seat on a London Underground train representing a pregnant woman, a woman holding a babe in arms, and a person with a walking stick.

Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?
Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?
Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 20:01

If you have paid for a seat then you're more than entitled.... but being pregnant doesn't necessarily mean you get a seat 🤔

Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 20:03

And no !!! I didn't change name for that, I had to reset my password, and my user and my preferences. Why would I change name?? I have no reason to 🤣

Greenfree · 19/07/2023 20:03

I'm in the North and people still offer a seat to pregnant people, myself included.

Bellajac · 19/07/2023 20:04

Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 20:01

If you have paid for a seat then you're more than entitled.... but being pregnant doesn't necessarily mean you get a seat 🤔

You're right, it doesn't mean a pregnant woman is entitled to a seat. It isn't possible to book one on the tube or a bus or most commuter trains. But any decent able bodied person would offer up their seat to someone less able to stand.

Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 20:04

Well sorry I didn't actually realise that being pregnant was above being disabled or having a paid ticket, and also I do have children I have five, but I wouldn't expect someone to give me a seat if I was pregnant at all. I'm not above anyone and would never expect them to just get up for me unless I asked them.

Bellajac · 19/07/2023 20:05

Joanne19900 · 19/07/2023 20:04

Well sorry I didn't actually realise that being pregnant was above being disabled or having a paid ticket, and also I do have children I have five, but I wouldn't expect someone to give me a seat if I was pregnant at all. I'm not above anyone and would never expect them to just get up for me unless I asked them.

Being pregnant isn't above being disabled. It's not a competition. Any able bodied person should give a seat to someone who needs it more. It's just common decency.