To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

God - this is a nasty thread. OP - ignore the horrid comments and do what is right for you. I admire you for wanting to be prepared. I also chose not to breastfeed and, despite the hatred from others, it was a good decision for our family. My DH absolutely loved sharing the feeds, and bonded closely with DS from the outset, as did I. Despite not breastfeeding, there was lots of skin to skin contact and endless cuddles. DS could not have been more loved. We found DS liked milk at room temperature, so to make things easier, we used the Aptamil ready-made cartons, so we just kept sterilised bottles and cartons nearby and were good to go. This was a godsend in the middle of the night, especially, and easy when out and about. Healthwise, DS has always been very fit and healthy, with a strong immune system. He's now 11, has only ever missed school due to Covid and chicken pox, and has just won an academic scholarship to senior school. This isn't meant as brag, but merely as reassurance that choosing not to breastfeed has no impact on the outcome of your child. Despite what the Breastapo might want you to believe, bottle fed children can thrive and still be happy. The stigmatisation around bottle feeding is absolutely abhorrent. A happy mum is a happy child in my book.

Other advice would be to keep your change bag well stocked (replenish as soon as you get home, so it's ready to go next time) - and similarly, have everything close by your changing mat for any sudden emergencies!

I would also recommend lots of muslin cloths.

DS also used to like being swaddled and enjoyed bath time, so this was an important part of our evening routine and meant he was calm and happy before being put down for the evening.

Good luck, OP. It sounds as though you will be an amazing mum!

Oh seriously stop talking balls. Formula fed baby here with great health, great development milestone wise (walking at 10 months, talking before I should have), amazing grades (only referencing because that seemed to be thrown into the mix) and high end finance job in my mid 20s and also FF my own 6 weeks old baby. Cousins who have been breastfed have health issues, not as intelligent, reached milestones faaaar later etc etc.

PS If you’re reading this thinking the difference between myself and cousins has nothing to do with breastfed or formula fed well then well done; you’ve got the exact point of the post - it makes no bloody difference so stop shaming formula mums.

Forgot to add that a good baby monitor was always helpful - we had one with the sensor mat - and I had a little speaker so that during feeds I could play soothing music (I think Baby Einstein!) :-)

No one is shaming anyone.

Sharing information to correct ignorant assertions is not shaming.

If you feel ashamed at your choice that’s on you.

Aye because my post screams ashamed. You’re literally suggesting kids are at a disadvantage being FF as opposed to BF. Wise up. It’s hard enough becoming a new mum without trolls like you trying to stir unneeded self doubt.

@Muthaofcats I'm not in the UK. I already know what age she will be starting school at. I don't need your unsolicited advice, thanks!

I’m not suggesting it, the data is? I’m not trying to be unpleasant or cause any feelings of shame. I’m saying that statistically formula fed and summer born babies are shown to be at a disadvantage. That’s just objective.

Does it mean ALL formula fed babies are screwed. Of course not. There are so many factors at play, but to say formula is equivalent and just as good as breast milk is incorrect if you base your approach on data rather than opinion, and that’s the only point I was addressing. Whilst being clear to state there are lots of reasons one may not breast feed and that I explicitly wasn’t judging the decision, rather the reinforcement of false statements like ‘fed is best’.

Youre the one trolling your own family online saying your cousins kids aren’t intelligent. Yet someone literally just referring to the data published on the NHS is a troll? Why do my comments engender such a strong emotional reaction if you’re so happy with your choices ?

OP - please ignore the boob mafia. My son couldn’t breastfeed and I spent 3 months expressing for him, severely damaging my mental and physical health in the process. It was NOT worth it and when I have my second I will likely formula feed after the first few weeks. Formula is a godsend. Try HiPP Combiotic - the baby’s poop is indistinguishable from a breastfed baby (for all those who say formula makes them constipated etc) and he is thriving. It also comes in ready to drink newborn size bottles which will make your life so much easier in hospital! The stage 2 is also available in ready to drink which is great for out and about / travelling.

And btw, my son was a c section summer baby. He is ahead on every milestone, tall for his age and I expect he will end up clever and healthy just like my husband and me. The studies on the benefits of breastfeeding are not actually that conclusive (see the work by Emily Oster in this topic, as already mentioned by others). Genetics and the home in which a child is raised okay a vastly more important role than breast milk.

I am sick of women tearing other women down for their perfectly rational choices. OP is not asking whether she should drink or smoke while pregnant, formula is perfectly safe and healthy. And so are c sections.

To all of those shaming the OP - it’s not your body and it’s not your baby. If you don’t want to formula feed then don’t formula feed! If you don’t want a section then don’t (plan to) have one! Her choices are rational and perfectly understandable.

the whole point of mumsnet is unsolicited advice :) we’d all be better off reading scientific papers….

If your child isn’t in the U.K. then they’re highly likely to be starting school much older than just turned 4 so the issue isn’t likely to affect them anyway

Oh and @Muthaofcats I was a summer, formula fed baby and I can assure you that I suffered zero disadvantages from that. I’m 5’11” and spent a decade working as a city lawyer after obtaining a first from one of the uk’s best universities. I also learned a little something called compassion and about not writing horrible messages to strangers on the internet. Does putting other people down make you happy?

Sorry you found what I wrote upsetting. Wasn’t my intention.

I appreciate it’s a highly emotive subject.

glad to see you’ve done so well, that’s brilliant !

I’m not trolling my own family - what I said is fact. Did they reach their milestones later than me? Yes. Are they less intelligent? Yes. Has it got to do with being FF or BF? Well for the sake of your argument I hope not because the correlation isn’t what you’re arguing.

You literally told an expectant mother to be that she’s putting her baby at a disadvantage. What works for one doesn’t work for someone else. I really don’t care if people breast fed, bottle feed, elective section, natural birth etc. there is no ‘best’ way; every mother and baby is different so just do what works for you! honestly who cares what anyone else is doing but don’t come on like so many other posters here being a sanctimonious so and so and try to tell women what they’re doing is wrong. Motherhood is hard and every mother should be encouraged to do whatever is easier. Provide perfect NHS data all you want but do not come on and tell someone they’re putting their baby at a disadvantage because of a perfectly legitimate choice for her baby. Ps you might want to look at maternal mental health on the NHS website whilst you’re at it.

yes sorry if the disadvantage point didn’t seem considerate. I can see that pointing at the objective data alone isn’t considering the fuller picture about how such a statement might land so apols for that.

I was concerned about the number of incorrect comments circulating and the statements that formula is just as good. That doesn’t meant I’m a troll or trying to upset the OP. Which I was at pains to reiterate.

mumsnet makes its money off of the breast v formula debate and people get extremely upset whenever anyone tries to correct misinformation. I just find it curious that we are in a world where people saying what you don’t want to hear is bullying or trolling.

Our future generations are all screwed and it won’t be because of how they got their milk!!

@Muthaofcats apologising yet you still continue to insult... Nobody on this thread wants to have the breast v formula debate, because the OP didn't want any info on it, and it's the reason she has since left the thread too! It is horrible to tell somebody they are setting their child up to be disadvantaged because you don't agree with one of their parenting techniques!

At the end of the day, through my own research (of which there was a lot), I am happy with the decision I made to not breastfeed. She has maintained her centile weight, she has reached every milestone, and any minor illness that she picked up her breastfed cousin also picked up. The only reason I doubt my decision is because I have to put up with rude, obnoxious comments from people like you! Think before you speak!!

@Muthaofcats hasn't upset me, she's been fairly rude in her delivery but obviously feels strongly about breastmilk which is fair enough 🤷

To answer your question, I don't want to breastfeed because I want my body back to myself after sharing it with my baby for nearly 9 months. I want to be able to leave baby with my DH or my mum for a few hours whilst I have some time to myself. I don't feel comfortable with the thought of breastfeeding in front of anyone nor do I want to spend hours of my life attached to a pump. Those reasons are definitely selfish ones, which I'm OK with, as I don't believe the benefits for the baby of breastmilk trump what makes me feel happy and comfortable. I'm not denying the benefits of it. But I also believe my formula fed baby will turn out just fine as they have two caring and well educated parents who will look after them very well.

@Muthaofcats it feels so irrefutable refering to studies and research doesn't it? "But the research shows!" you declare, so sure of yourself with Dave et al's survey of 236 mothers in 1984 available to back up your own opinion today.

So, I'll just leave these here... and yes I get the irony of a study which shows studies are often wrong. I also still refer to research myself but do so with the understanding it's likely flawed.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1182327/

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/may/21/research-findings-that-are-probably-wrong-cited-far-more-than-robust-ones-study-finds

@LittleMonstera makes an important point. Not all research is equal. If you're looking at reading up on the research around an issue, it's important to be able to critically appraise what you read and put it in context.

A good quality RCT or systematic review published in an internationally respected journal is far more likely to be a helpful source of information than Dave Smith's opinion scribbled in the scientific equivalent of the National Enquirer.

And a paper published more than 10 years ago may well no longer be relevant, unless it was a groundbreaking one.

NICE and SIGN guidelines can be helpful - they summarise current best practices and research recommendations. And Cochrane reviews are excellent resources.

For what it's worth, @Animallover87 , there are good reasons to hold the view that maternal mental health is very important for a baby's health and development. By protecting your mental health, you're helping your baby too.

Thanks OP.

You sound balanced and well informed. Not that what I think of your decision is at all relevant, it’s deeply personal and none of my business.

I was querying the assumption that formula is easier. But in doing so seem to have poked a number of bears.

I’m not quite sure where I’ve been rude, so much as to say things that others didn’t like.

For everyone attacking anyone who dares to mention breast feeding, does your compassion and a consideration of others mental health only extend to those who agree with you?

Oh just thought of another tip, might have already been said…

Go to your nearest 24 hours store, either corner shop or supermarket and see which formula they stock. Then start on that formula. You never know when you might need an emergency tub and most babies won’t swap from one to another, it has to be phased in over days/weeks.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant this week too, cannot waiti get my body back! After the initial colostrum feeds I’m happily moving over to formula too :)

@FlipFlop1987 I was actually wondering today what brand to start on and if any of them were that different!

Oo I know it seems a bit like a fad but I'm a kendamil convert! I started on SMA as it was recommended by various reviews but it smelt like vomit and tasted awful. I switched to the normal kendamil (organic is pricey but I'm considering it...) and it smells lovely and tastes just like creamy milk and yes I have used a scoop in my tea when I had no milk myself!

Baby loves it, we get 2-3 healthy poops per day which he didn't have on SMA and you can get it on subscription, it's only £12 per tin and they do ready-made bottles online in bulk or individually in supermarkets. Apparently most of the other formulas are all just made in the same factory but whichever you get they all have almost identical nutrition by law. Kendamil just tastes nicer and is a bit more natural

There are really strict guidelines regarding formula ingredients, the variation is generally tiny. We lived next to an Aldi with first baby so used theirs initially. I may be wrong but I heard Aldi and Aptimil are made in the same factory so identical that’s why Aldi sell both. We ended up swapping to Cow & Gate hungry baby in the end.
This time we have moved home and near a very small co-op, only shop for about 4 miles so I’ve scoped out they sell a couple of brands including Kendamil. It’s the only British made formula, Red Tractor certified and I think Organic too. It seems like it’s becoming the most popular in the UK

Check your local shop and the closest 24 hour shop - whichever brand they both stock!

Or, if you have dietary preferences (eg vegetarian), you may need to check a bit more detail. I think Kendamil has a good reputation.

Obviously always keeping a spare tin 'in stock' is also useful to prevent mid-night shopping trips

We were recommended Aptamil, which our son got on well with, and it was readily available in most supermarkets and chemists. Good luck OP.