To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

@LuckySantangelo35 I don't care about how an individual makes choices, I'm SO pro choosing your birth for literally whatever reason, that's why I'm so pro c-section.

But I feel about this in the same way that I don't care if an individual woman has botox, but I do very much care if that woman starts talking about other women's horrible wrinkly old faces. I don't think it's polite to pass judgement on other people's personal appearances, especially when so many women have to have a c-section in an emergency and feel unhappy with that and reading something like that will make them feel awful! A woman caring about her own body doesn't go hand in hand with being judgemental about other people's bodies.

This is great advice! I had a very similar experience with my elective c section also.

I think its worth being aware that statistics on c sections don't seem to separate elective from emergency. (None that i found anyway)
im the only person i know who opted for elective c section and i’m also the only person i know who doesn’t have a negative birth story. (Probably not representative as I’m talking anecdotally based on a very small sample group of about 15 people in my antenatal class plus a small group of friends)

No, I disagree with you as nothing to with misinterpretation. The OP's post reads like these are the tips she has had so far and what else will make like easier. Except, posters are pointing out that those are questionably helpful tips and won't necessarily make life easier, they may do but they may not!

No point in coming on to Mumsnet at all for 'tips' then as literally every tip will be covered in some web article, book on expecting or leaflet from the midwife. However, it is evident that the OP wants anecdotal tips as she describes her decision for an EC as being based on hearing it is a quick recovery.

That is what a baby needs though, not much working out at first, you are feeding on demand!

@Goldenbear Even newborn babies cry for lots of reasons other than they're hungry. It's worth taking the time to work out why your baby needs you. And there have been women on this thread talking about doing that for babies way out of that stage!

There is nothing to disagree. Words have meanings.

The OP said in her first post that she wanted other tips to make things easier, after having stated that she would have an ELCS and formula feed. She has also since explained repeatedly that she has no interest in advice that involves not doing either of these things.

This makes you wrong, and means the advice from everyone who's insisted on giving their opinions about why she should BF or attempt VB is irrelevant. That is not what the thread is about. It also means your post about your own experiences and lack of support doing things OP doesn't want to do are irrelevant, as I pointed out to you several hours.

Your comment about literally every tip being covered everywhere else is a bizarre one, because you can't possibly prove that. But even if you were right, advice being available elsewhere doesn't mean she isn't asking for it in more convenient form here. It simply doesn't matter whether you think what she's asked for is pointless or not. You're not the one who gets to decide.

Funny because the majority of women I know who had a c section have flat tummies 😂. The ones who don't were very overweight before pregnancy and are just as overweight now. I never had a particularly flat tummy before pregnancy/my emcs but my tummy is actually much flatter now than it was before mainly thanks making healthy choices with food and making sure I'm active.

@holycannaloni

totally agree

I disagree with you in that I haven't misinterpreted anything but pointing out fundamental inaccuracies in that information is a 'tip'. It's offering insight as others have, so aggregate opinion, on what makes life easier, the 'tip' is to check out that those options categorically make life easier as you may find the facts don't back up that claim.

Yes they do cry for other reasons but a majority of those reasons are food.

Our babies have gone into a crib next to us from day one and it’s always been fine.

regarding an app to track feeds etc - we use BabyTracker and it’s great. We are both on it and so is my mum.

Your disagreement is immaterial.

OP has asked for tips about other things than her choice of feeding and birth mode. That has been set out clearly over multiple posts. That means tips involving her making different choices are irrelevant, as are your personal experiences about lack of support when doing things she doesn't want to do.

There's really no more to it than that. She's the one who sets the parameters of the thread and she's explained already what's relevant and what isn't. Your choices are that you can either accept this or be wrong.

Co- sleeping is not 'incredibly dangerous'

And she has already chosen not to do it, so I am not sure why you’re going on about it.

I also FF both children from day one and didn’t have any of the issues you describe, so it’s disingenuous to suggest that breastfeeding is this easy perfect journey when formula can just as well be. Your experience isn’t everyone’s.

What a very rigid thought process you have. My opinion is immaterial in your opinion but I don't care for your opinion and I don't need your permission to post, it is not my problem that you are unable to understand my point and others who have contributed, it is not just my anecdotal experience, it is quite a few people's experiences, it IS a tip on making life easier when the baby arrives, don't stick dogmatically to this plan as it may in fact make your life loads harder- why would you do that? That's nonsensical. You may not like the tip but so what, who made you the gatekeeper for Tips being posted. I am trying to offer some insight to make the OP's life easier.

I am not going to agree with you so there is no point in replying to this post.

Again, it doesn't matter whether you agree.

The OP isn't interested in anyone's feelings about mode of birth or feeding, and has said so lots of times. That makes said feelings irrelevant.

You are of course free to merail and delude yourself that your anecdotes are useful, you're correct that you don't need permission for that. But it will still be irrelevant.

It seemingly does to you as you seem to have to have the last word. 'Again', I don't agree that my post is irrelevant, I think it is helpful to think of not having rigid plans as when expectations are not met it take more of a toll on your mental health. I am unsure why this is such an offensive idea.

You seem strangely fixated on my opinion and belittling of my experiences that I have only mentioned to help the OP. There are many posters that have said the same about plans. Nobody appointed you the gatekeeper of the posts on this thread so maybe step down from your self appointed role.

You can't really be telling other people they've got to have the last word when only minutes ago you posted a load of stuff then felt entitled to tell them there was no need for them to reply. Nor have you any room to say to anyone they're appointing themselves to a role when you consider yourself better qualified than the actual OP of the thread to decide what's helpful. Pot kettle.

Ultimately, what you think doesn't matter because you are not the arbiter of what is relevant in this thread. That would be the person who asked for help, the OP. She really couldn't have been clearer that feelings on whether she should attempt either breastfeeding or vaginal birth are unhelpful and irrelevant. It isn't about you.

This has been debunked (in reference to your latter remark). See Emily Oster’s work on this.

sorry @Angelil I don’t quite know what you mesn? This Emily Oster looked at the PROBIT trial that concluded that breastfed babies have reduced risk of gastrointestinal infections and atopic eczema?

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11242425/

but anyhow, OP has stated she doesn’t want to BF

Goodness me, 'boring!' how many ways can someone say the same thing, yes, yes, I get you think it is irrelevant.

How long have you been on Mumsnet? It was originally formed to makes 'parents lives easier', 'to pool knowledge and experience', it is quite common to contribute in this way. I feel with your rhetoric and black/white thinking you've missed the fact that this is a discussion forum so starting every post with, 'you are wrong' or 'you are irrelevant' just makes you sound obnoxious.

The irony of the self appointed Gatekeeper of Acceptable Tips, proclaiming that no one🙄😬gets to decide those acceptable tips except the OP...

@Twinsmamma

OP DOES NOT WANT TO BREASTFEED!
not all women do.
get over it

Gosh, you don't seem to have managed to stick the flounce. Funny that.

This discussion initially started because you took exception to being told that the lack of support you got when trying to do something OP doesn't want to do or get advice about was irrelevant. Which isn't a remotely controversial point. Your feelings don't become helpful because you say they are. It's a shame really, because there are some discussions where your anecdotes about the poor breastfeeding support you got really would be relevant. But you've decided to impose it on this one instead.

And ultimately, even if OP had asked for advice relating to her choice of ELCS, which she hasn't, telling her it's not a good idea because of the experiences of a small number of people you know is crap advice. Your argument seems to boil down to, some advice is helpful therefore whatever I feel like saying must be of use to someone who's already said that it isn't.

the first 4 months of a baby s life are pretty easy. eat sleep poop repeat. they do sleep a lot so you ll get some stuff done. BUT. i dont know if you vevread any articles on baby sleep. but it is crucial, for your mental health, your rest and sleep and overall well being, to teach that baby to sleep independently as quickly as possible. follow alllll the sleep consultant pages online. read about wake windows and infant sleep cycles.
as soon as tou get home, plop that baby in its crib and let him sleep there day or night. dont bed share, you ll have a very hard time kicking this habit, not to mention it is EXTREMELY UNSAFE to bedshare with a newborn. there are tons of examples online of babies even older ones, 8 9 months, suffocated by their parents. dont use bed guards, they cand etach and suffocate the baby.
swaddle the baby, use a pacifier, use white noise. you will thank yourself in the long run, and everyone will be well rested and very much alive.
the best thing i did for my now 8mo was to not rock her to sleep and put her in her crib for naps. everything else is way manageable and there s really not. much going on until you should start solids, when you ll feed the baby vegetables for a long ass time😂

Back to the actual topic. Things I found helpful/didn't find helpful:

• although I wasn't in pain after my sections, sitting up was tricky unless I could use my hands to help, as my muscles were cut I guess. I attached a piece of rope to the end of my bed, draped it along and used it to help me for a few days.
• alexa (or equivalent) is useful to be able to make phone calls/turn on radio/lights/white noise etc, if nap trapped. Also, if your brain turns to mush for a while, your can set reminders and timers.
• get a formula station set up upstairs as well. Ideally so you don't even have to get out of bed
• never feed a baby on a full bladder in case you get trapped.
• never use a sling over a jumpsuit in case they fall asleep and you need to pee.
• slings, slings, slings!
• when eating one handed, use a scissors rather a knife. They can be used one handed and then you can chop up and eat independently!
• guidelines are really useful, but don't feel you get to slavishly follow everything to the letter. A lot of them aren't meant to be taken totally literally (ie, baby sleeps in room with you doesn't mean you wake then to go to the loo, but that your should mostly be around when they sleep).
• try to engage with your natural instincts (they are there!). Monkeys don't read parenting manuals or mumsnet, but they know what to do to keep their babies safe. Trust your natural mum instinct.
• if you have a girl (in summer) then dresses are your friend! Just flip the dress up and the nappy is right there. No trying to get tiny feet into babygrows and poppering it up right

-if you can, just but one style of sock so that they all match.

• sock ons!
• swaddling needs to be done tightly or it won't work. Its meant to feel like a hug.
• don't take 'you can never have too many muslins ' too literally. It turns out about 60 WAS too many 😂
• it's ok to let them have a kick around on the floor (mat) from newborn and gives your arms a break.