To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

No but I just looked it up on amazon and it looks good.

@Animallover87 they adjust for confounding factors such as that and still found a modest benefit

Bollocks. Wish people will stop goading OP about breastfeeding. It is only beneficial IF IT WORKS and the mother has lots of support.

When the mother can’t produce enough, the baby doesn’t latch, the mother gets bleeding nipples or mastitis, or when the mother ends up doing all the feeding to the point of extreme exhaustion, it is in no way the best option.

The exam results stuff must also be a load of nonsense. You honestly cannot tell who was breastfed and who wasn’t. I wasn’t breastfed and my brother was. No difference between us. Fairly equal jobs. He got better gcse results and I got a higher degree qualification.

I actually think all of this “if it works” stuff is causing lower BFing rates. People find it tricky the first few days and just give up. It is incredibly rare to NOT be able to BF, and actually there are lots of resources available for free but yes unfortunately you do have to do some research to find them. I’d advise all expectant mothers to have done their research pre baby and know who they can contact for help in those early
days.

@MariaVT65 ah yes dismissing a well regarded study done over 16 years in favour of “well me and my brother…”

Unfortunately studies have also found modest disadvantages of breastmilk due to the western diet including slight reductions in certain nutrients and unhealthy levels of fructose being passed along to infants which may increase risks of obesity and diabetes. Not to mention if you're having alcohol, caffeine or any medications... As one researcher noted breastmilk is conditionally perfect.

@Nunganungas I actually think all of this “if it works” stuff is causing lower BFing rates. People find it tricky the first few days and just give up.

Which is absolutely fine, and I say this as someone who BF, but there’s no need to make yourself a martyr. If a new mother finds it hard and finds it easier to formula feed her baby then so what? This obsession with taking the difficult route just for the sake of it causes new mothers to be more miserable than ever.

Its funny how women get judged for not breastfeeding, but not judged for having summer babies, even though the link with exam results/attainment is far stronger.

Should we judge women for TTC in the autumn because they are disadvantaging their future offspring? No being the obvious answer here. Maybe we just let women deicide how they want to feed their babies!

@Babyboomtastic I know, according to people on this thread my baby is screwed 🤦‍♀️

I don’t understand why people are still talking about breastfeeding when @Animallover87 has clearly stated she DOESN’T want to??

@Animallover87 Your baby is not screwed. Your baby has a wonderful and caring mother who is putting a lot of thought and preparation into making their early life low-stress and a positive experience.

Breast or bottle, C-section or no C-section, you're making the decisions that feel right for you and your baby. You're doing great.

Something I’ve found nice this time is some nice and dim fairy lights for night time feeding, less garish and easier to get back to sleep

Why are you even on this thread other than to attack OP’s choice not to breastfeed?

As for your other post, it is not rare to not be able to breastfeed. There is a reason so many babies died before formula was invented. A lot of women also suffer for several months before giving up, not just a case of giving up because they cba after a few days.

As for your suggestion to look up support, try giving birth during a pandemic. I’m really disappointed in your level of support for women, yet high expectations.

OP may I ask why you don’t want to breast feed?

people are telling you it makes no difference to the baby to bottle feed and your bodily integrity is paramount. Of course the latter is important, but the former is not true. Bottle feeding is not the equivalent option, look at the Heath outcomes for breast fed versus bottle fed babies. Lots of people cannot breast feed and shouldn’t be stigmatised if they are unable to. But By choosing something for ‘ease’ alone you are accepting that you’re putting ease above your child’s long term health and safety.

I don’t think it’s judgemental for people to query whether you’re aware of that.

Maybe you’re not aware and the reduced risk of Sids or obesity or reduced impact of childhood illnesses, asthma, type 1 diabetes for your child might be a consideration you’d have been pleased to know about. Short term, your breast milk can give them immunity from infection, and adjust based on the weather to ensure they’re getting exactly what they need. This is without even considering the psychological impact for your child of being placed in a cot away from their mother and without that closeness and connection that breast feeding gives them. And many people have already talked about the practical side - that bottles are likely to be more work, not easier, and certainly much much more expensive. Look into the health benefits for you too (reduced breast cancer risk amongst others).

sharing public health information is not being judgemental. It’s just important to correct ignorance which is often peddled as ‘mum knows best’ ‘happy mum happy baby’.

If you’re on medication that means you are unable to breast feed or have other circumstances that mean it can’t happen for you, then formula is the next best alternative, but that’s a very different consideration to just choosing it ‘to make life easier’. Life for whom? Certainly not your baby.

of course maternal mental health is important but it just feels like a recipe for disaster to see childcare as a threat to one’s own mental health. This is a very short time that is all about closeness and bond and nurturing your child. The truth is your needs do take a back seat, at least for a while anyway but arguably it shouldn’t feel like that. My child’s needs ARE my needs because that’s what’s important to me now; happy baby happy mum!

Please share this study

Not screwed but certainly already at a disadvantage.

The disadvantage for summer babies is accepted though and the law therefore accommodates for this by allowing parents to start them at compulsory school age, and anyone who read the data would seriously consider doing this given the long term outcomes for the child. In the same way if you read the data around breast feeding you would accept that this was preferable and only not do it as a plan B if for any reason the option wasn’t available. As a parent responsible for a child you are required to make decisions for them, and consulting public health guidance, and data is likely to lead to a better outcome than anecdote and opinion on mums net 😂

You seem to be missing out the importance of the mother’s physical health, not just mental health. You are also presuming that a mother and baby cannot bond if they are not breastfed, which is utter rubbish. Heard of skin to skin or this thing called ‘a cuddle’?

OP doesn’t have to justify to you why she doesn’t want to breastfeed. I’m sure she has done her research, has probably heard from experiences of her friends and family. There was also a thread on here a while ago asking why women chose not to breastfeed and there were many different answers, including sexual abuse.

Public health guidance is for a population and not always appropriate for an individual. It’s a FACT that the NHS gives out some out-of-date advice in some areas, not to mention the indiviual idiots who work there.

Listening to advice of friends and anecdotes of others is perfectly reasonable.

Of course she does not need to justify herself to me, or to anyone else.

nor should the data be used to stress out and frighten women.

As I said in my post, there are lots of reasons why one might not choose or be able to breast feed.

I was correcting those who said bottle is just as good. It plainly is not.

That does not mean OP should be shamed for choosing not to because she thinks it will be easier. But she may be basing her decision that it will be ‘easy’ on misunderstanding or anecdotal evidence alone and not aware of the potential implications. It’s not easy to be in and out of a&e with a baby with respiratory issues or suffering with diabetes etc. it doesn’t mean if you formula feed your baby will definitely have issues but statistically this is more likely so you may want to factor that in to any decision that is focused on ‘ease’ alone.

I was asking as Op is clearly looking for guidance and reassurance by posting here so it may be she could be offered support or signposting if her reason for not wanting to, depending on what that reason is.

OP’s original post is not asking for any advice on breastfeeding, she is asking for advice on other ways to make mum life easier. She has also clearly stated several times in her thread that she does not want to breastfeed. So any replies focusing on the disasvantages of FF are not what OP is looking for.

Let’s hope none of those ‘idiots’ in the nhs are on shift for OPs c section or any other needs your children have next time you take them in for help….

‘Other ways to make life easier’ begs the question of whether the choices she made are easier, hence why people are querying it.

if she’s not looking for opinion then why post on mumsnet? Or do you believe it’s only opinions you want to hear that should be listened to…. Otherwise known as an echo chamber.

being kind or caring doesn’t mean blindly agreeing with people who may be misinformed. Gentle challenge and reassurance and support may be long term better for this person and their child; the ‘mum knows best’ doesn’t really help her either and if query how kind it truly is.

its Not just OP who will read this; many other vulnerable women too so those correcting incorrect statements aren’t Just banging their own drum

@Muthaofcats I would suggest you read the full thread, or at least all of the OPs posts before commenting, as she as answered your question explaining multiple reasons she has chosen not to breastfeed, that it is a decision she is happy with, and doesn't need further information on it!

Hope my disadvantaged summer born baby is OK with the disappointment of a mother she got in me as I chose not to breastfeed too! 🙄

You know you can delay your child’s reception start if they’re summer born?

Again a topic that is worth reading around if you’re feeling self conscious / defensive about it.

Another example of something that isn’t as ‘easy’ for the parent but long term better for the child.