To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

I think you forgot to include "I found" and "in my experience" and "you might like to try" and "in my opinion".

Haven't read the whole thread but I had 2 c sections. They were amazing. Up and about within hours, took it easy for 2 weeks and then I was pretty much back to normal. I used a sanitary toweo on the inside of my pants where the scar was - worked perfectly. My first section was elective as baby was breech but I chose the second despite being rail roaded into a vaginal birth.

Re: breastfeeding. I bottle fed my first and breast fed the second. There really are plusses and minuses to both. As much as it is nice to be able to delegate feeding I found it much easier to breast feed. Mainly as my first was a very restless baby and used to cry quite a lot and it was almost bloody impossible to work out why. However breastfeeding kind of was a cure all. So the baby I breastfed basically never cried. Ever. And for me personally that outweighed all the downsides as I just can't cope with loud noise.

If you do decide to bottle feed, dummies are a godsend. And also to know that different dummies suit different babies so worth trying a few.

If you have a velcro baby, get a sling as it will free your hands.

Most importantly never say never. Every baby and family set up is different. Just try and take each situation as it comes. You will suprise yourself what you do and don't do in reality compared to what you think you would do.

Good luck. X

Oh and co-sleeping saved my sanity.

Consider rest as good as sleep.

Dance to the beat of your own drum because ultimately the buck stops with you and your partner. I've made lots of choices, some good, some not so good. But I can live with them all as I made them. The routine my son was in, would not have suited my daughter. My son hated being too warm, my daughter hated being too cold. Trust yourself as you know your baby the best. It's a cliché but there's no truer saying.

Oh my goodness, you really are relentless in your self appointed Gatekeeper role, for the last time, it absolutely is relevant as it's an insight/ a tip, something the OP can ignore but there is no problem with alerting her like 'many' others have to not making any plans at this stage about BFing and it is absolutely stretching credulity to suggest that fairly major surgery is as easy as 1, 2, 3. Mumsnet is not wholly about the politics of these decisions, you are making the personal, political and it isn't that kind of thread. Reality can sometimes bite and it is is better to be forewarned. Why think you can plan something effectively if you are not going to take into account all the eventualities, that's extremely shortsighted.

Oh and I didn't flounce I asked you not to bother replying to me personally as you seem a bit fixated on me and the content of your replies is repetitive. Your defensiveness is inappropriate as I'm not responding to an OP made by you. There are many posts saying the same thing is me, one of the latest in fact suggesting not to make plans as they may go out of the window but it seems that I am the only one you are interested in belittling.

For everyone saying there csections were "amazing"and "lovely" can I ask if you were given pain killers because I can't fathom how you would describe a csection as any of that, I wasn't given diddly squat other than morphine in hospital which is why i was up and about doing my make up walking around, pretty much ready to go home and then absolutely nothing not even stool softener to go home with!! It was a shocker to say the least, which is why the next day at home I was very, very groggy and sore and unable to stand straight for more than an hour!! Obviously I didn't spend 2 weeks in bed I was up and getting on with the usual as I have other children to look after too! Did you all get painkillers to go home with??

I think I obviously just don't labour well my 1st born was a vaginal delivery but I had an infection, forceps, 3/4th degree tear and lost alot of blood, but sad to say I would take that over a csection anyday!

Haven’t read it all but having had both a C section then a natural birth the second had much faster recovery (of course) - I had an epidural which was key.
also breastfeeding was much easier (went on to bottle after a few months). Whip it out and there you are!
keep a toasted sandwich maker on the kitchen top always plugged in, sliced bread and cheese in fridge / out all day. I lived on cheese toasties!

My first labour involved forceps and an episiotomy which were no fun, but I was up and about almost immediately afterwards. The next two were textbook -no tears and the baby born within an hour of getting to hospital. I'd take all three over a C-section every time.

Be careful, you might have the post removed for being, 'irrelevant'.

My 1st vaginal birth was like yours and came close to an emergency C section. I was out on a ward with those who had all had C sections, I was the only one who had had a vaginal delivery, I'm unsure why I was put on the ward, I ended up having to advocate for one woman as the nurse kept ignoring her cries of pain and was pretty unkind and dismissive and I was the only one who could walk about in there albeit painfully.

@Goldenbear I know what you mean my last csection (3rd csection 4th baby) I was on a ward with other women who had csections, and I was in for 24hrs and I'll never forget the 2 poor ladies opposite me, literally spending the whole time crying because they were in pain with it, and I remember one of them giving me the evil eye, when the midwife came round and said, you can tell this one(me) has had 4 kids she's up and about like nothing (as It was my 3rd csection I knew what to expect, and made the most of the morphine being issued in hospital, ready to have nothing when I got home) I remember thinking, the midwife should have just shut her mouth, because it didn't do that women any good, she kept saying she couldn't hold/feed her baby as it hurt too much! When I got home it wasn't too bad initially then the 2 infections got underway due to lack of midwife visits and checks on my wound and I was very poorly then! So I think it's not necessarily the operation unless you lose loads of blood and have complications, but it's the aftermath, if that makes sense! Like i said before I'm crawling myself in this next one and if I could go for a normal delivery I would!

Crapping not crawling bloody autocorrect

I was sent home with some coedine type tablets, but they weren't particularly strong and I didn't use many. I mostly just used ibuprofen and paracetamol, taking them on a schedule. It wasn't to stop it hurting, just to make sure it didnt start!

Aside from momentary mild pain when getting up for maybe 3 days, I didn't get any pain at home at all. I felt slightly bruised after my second section (baby didnt want to come out 😂) but only when I poked my tummy to see if it still felt bruised. My scar didn't sting at all, it didnt feel anything for my first. For my second, it occasionally felt like I had very hot chips on my lap, so a 'burning' sensation I guess, but it wasn't painful. That was only occasional and passed after a couple of days. It was more a weird feeling than being bad.

I did have some after pains in hospital, but you get that irrespective of delivery type, and they weren't too bad.

I'm a total wimp with pain. I was genuinely shocked as I assumed it would be really painful. I even googled 'when do sections start to hurt'. I'd take a section over period pain or a heavy cold any day.

Surgery recovery varies so much though. My daughter had an operation and her recovery was far tougher than it should have been, especially compared to others on the ward. Its not to do with being strong, or a wimp, people genuinely just recover differently.

Its good to know there is a range. Not everyone is bedbound for 2 months, and not everyone is doing somersaults at 2 weeks.

I was given codeine in hospital (we stayed two nights cause they didn’t get all checks/paperwork done but could have left after one night), and given a pack of codeine to take home. I never used that home pack, was fine with paracetamol 🤷‍♀️
I can’t call C section ‘amazing’ as it’s indeed a major op, but what was amazing is that baby was safely out in 10 mins (not including op prep of course, it was planned C section)
uninjured (and there were some medical concerns which led to them offering me a C section as an option), and that I recovered much easier and faster than from my appendix removal at age 14.

Breastfeeding makes life so much easier. Not necessarily talking about the first few months.. it's worth looking at the bigger picture though. Once you get past the first bit it's amazing not having to remember to bring any milk etc when leaving the house, if you get stuck for hours on a long flight there's literally no issue just stick baby on boob, in fact for any issue at all just stick baby on boob and it solves 99% of problems. Makes them go to sleep in seconds. Means you don't need to wean them off bottles when they turn one (apparently can be quite hard to do).

I'd suggest pumping a bit too then your partner can give some milk in a bottle if he'd like to get involved. Introduce bottles early to get baby used to it, but no formula if poss as this will effect supply. We did one bottle of expressed milk per day and it was fab, meant I could go to bed early and get some sleep.

Also from 6 months baby led weaning is so much easier than faffing around making puree and other 'baby food'.

I was on codeine in the hospital, and then given some at home. I think I took (kept to a strict schedule) until approx day 4? And thankfully due to being strict with timings i never got to a point of noticing the pain. I then moved onto paracetamol and took that religiously for a few more days, but was painkiller free by about day 8.

Everybody's body is different, and recovery will therefore be different. I had done a lot of research prior to my ELCS, and therefore had a shock of paracetamol, chewing gum to help with trapped wind which thankfully must have worked as I never noticed any, and I had a really lovely health visitor who gave good advice on checking my scar and cleaning it etc.

All in all, couldn't have asked for a better experience and there isn't anything I would have changed tbh. I was prepared for a long recovery and was therefore very pleasantly surprised at being back on my feet. However, that was a planned section and I made sure to prepare for it (as OP is doing), I'm sure recovery would be different if you were unfortunately put in a position where an emergency section was required and carried out, both physically and emotionally.

Bearing in mind it is major surgery at the end of the day, and my experience is in no way belittling this. I massively respect anyone who makes the choice to go through it, as with anything in a hospital setting, it can feel very overwhelming and scary. But being prepared mentally definitely helps.

Some of the posters on here are clearly just determined to get their point across in anyway, no matter how disrespectful it is to OP so I'm out. This post shows perfectly how little respect some woman have for others, in particular other woman, and it's very sad.

Wishing you all the best OP! Very exciting times ahead, and make sure to soak it all in, as the saying goes, the days can be long but the years are short. Enjoy the cuddles

If you can afford it, get a cleaner.

Stock your freezer now with meals in foil containers which can be popped straight in the oven.

Get a regular food delivery slot.

Fill your phone now with the number of GP, health visitor, breastfeeding counsellors (in case you change your mind), sleep consultants.

Look at baby groups online in your area (Happity) as you often need to book some a term ahead, and if you’re climbing the walls desperate for company it’s good to know what is on locally. We loved Sing & Sign, Baby Sensory, baby swimming, baby massage, story time at the library and music classes. Join your local library too and look up local church baby groups.

Remember that no matter how well you plan, your baby will have other ideas; so best to go with the flow and just try and sleep when you can.

Excellent advice here also.

Go with it! Don't use someone's happiness, go with yours

No 1 tip? ALL BABIES ARE DIFFERENT so you need to take everyone's advice with a pinch of salt.

yes, some babies you can just plonk in a cot from day 1 and they will sleep happily by themselves. Others will scream until they literally vomit unless they are held at all times.

This doesn't make you a better or worse parent, babies are people too and don't arrive as a blank slate.

And parents LIE about sleep. ALL babies (and toddlers/children) wake in the night at times. Again, nothing to do with your parenting skills so don't waste time trying to 'fix' it, save your energy - sleep whenever you can!

The same with feeding, as pp have said, for many, breastfeeding is actually the easier, lazy and FREE option, so don't rule it out if your only reason was that it might make your life harder. It's often only the first few days/ week that it's tricky.

Be kind to yourself, take it one day (or hour) at a time (and sniff their head as often as possible!)

Great advice from @laalaaland. It all feels so bloody heavy, the constant self doubt etc.

Sleep when baby sleeps can be terrible and frustrating advice unless you have a 'potato' baby... They'll probably fall asleep at awkward times, in awkward places and for never quite long enough to grab some food, make a cuppa, throw on laundry and then get a snooze.

Top unpopular tip - incontinence pads for changing baby at night, throw back your duvet, put down pad on mattress, change baby and if poo goes everywhere the pad goes straight in the bin. Also a step further than formula is having some of the ready made bottles on hand. In terms of easy feeding, combo breast and bottle won for me. Boob when I couldn't be bothered to get up/make a bottle, bottle at night so my other half could do a shift etc.

C-section tips; if you're in the UK they'll offer ypu paracetamol only, you can ask for stronger, there's no prizes for suffering. Afterwards you'll feel surprisingly OK, this is a trap, don't start lifting/bending/cleaning for a few weeks as your lower back will compensate for your weakened abs... on that note, start gentle trans abs exercises soon like belly breathing. Take simeticone and peppermint for trapped wind and stool softeners for pooping as straining will probably be impossible (refer back to no prizes for suffering). You'll want all the high waisted leggings and giant knickers available.

Other tips; have multiple or portable changing stations and spare outfits ready for baby at every changing station e.g. living room, bedroom, travel/outside one. Use a thermos mug for hot drinks. Earphones can dampen baby screaming while you still comfort them, eventually you will get used to the sound and it won't feel like your heart being ripped in two. If baby likes a bouncy chair just move it around the house with you as you do things.

Good luck from a recent, first time, c-section mama!

I already commented but after going back and reading a few more responses I want to add some experiences from myself, my friends and antenatal groups and I'm ready for the wave of fury...

I must have spoken with around 10-15 new breastfeeding mums and attended a breastfeeding group and everyone complained, it took forever, there were tongue ties, repeated mastitis, nipple thrush, general pain and a feeling of being trapped and overwhelmed. I did breastfeed, I even enjoyed breastfeeding but let's not pretend it's a walk in the park.

Similar response to the whole 'vaginal birth recovery is soooooo much easier and quicker to recover from than a c-section crowd...' yes uncomplicated birth sure but the least complicated vaginal birth story of my friends she tore UPWARDS and had to be cut too and she still pees herself a little one year later. That's with all the hypnobirthing, water pool bobbing, physio recovery, private doula hiring etc she could get.

My point isn't to hate on anyone's choices but trotting out the standard lines of you'll recover better from vaginal, c-sections aren't really painful and breastfeeding is easier can set new mums up to feel like they or their bodies failed. Let's be realistic, all options involve some tough times but it's tough times you'll get through and that are so, so worth it.

My dr told us to get out and walk every day and we did. (Even when once we had to turn right home as baby was screaming and we panicked! 😅) This really helped my mental health and using a sling made it so much easier.

@LittleMonstera well said!! 👏👏👏

@LittleMonstera there are a LOT of people on this thread making out like breastfeeding and VB are the easiest things in the world.