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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make new mum life easier?

814 replies

Animallover87 · 17/07/2023 16:08

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

OP posts:
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7
LimePi · 21/07/2023 10:04

LittleMonstera · 21/07/2023 08:43

Sleep when baby sleeps can be terrible and frustrating advice unless you have a 'potato' baby... They'll probably fall asleep at awkward times, in awkward places and for never quite long enough to grab some food, make a cuppa, throw on laundry and then get a snooze.

Top unpopular tip - incontinence pads for changing baby at night, throw back your duvet, put down pad on mattress, change baby and if poo goes everywhere the pad goes straight in the bin. Also a step further than formula is having some of the ready made bottles on hand. In terms of easy feeding, combo breast and bottle won for me. Boob when I couldn't be bothered to get up/make a bottle, bottle at night so my other half could do a shift etc.

C-section tips; if you're in the UK they'll offer ypu paracetamol only, you can ask for stronger, there's no prizes for suffering. Afterwards you'll feel surprisingly OK, this is a trap, don't start lifting/bending/cleaning for a few weeks as your lower back will compensate for your weakened abs... on that note, start gentle trans abs exercises soon like belly breathing. Take simeticone and peppermint for trapped wind and stool softeners for pooping as straining will probably be impossible (refer back to no prizes for suffering). You'll want all the high waisted leggings and giant knickers available.

Other tips; have multiple or portable changing stations and spare outfits ready for baby at every changing station e.g. living room, bedroom, travel/outside one. Use a thermos mug for hot drinks. Earphones can dampen baby screaming while you still comfort them, eventually you will get used to the sound and it won't feel like your heart being ripped in two. If baby likes a bouncy chair just move it around the house with you as you do things.

Good luck from a recent, first time, c-section mama!

They gave me codeine to take home with my C section AND a prescription for more 🤷‍♀️

MummyJ36 · 21/07/2023 10:07

I’ve also commented earlier but as this thread has taken flight I wanted to say that whilst breastfeeding is lovely if it works, that isn’t the case for everyone. I went through hell trying to breastfeed DC1 and gave up at 3 months. It crushed me. I decided to bottle feed DC2 from birth. I’d hoped to get some colostrum but even that didn’t happen so they were fully bottle fed from the off! It was a lifesaver for me and helped me bond with them so much quicker. I also used a prep machine for both kids.

Insaneinthebrayne · 21/07/2023 10:32

@Animallover87 just ignore those people! VB and BF can be easy (relatively speaking) but it also can be incredibly hard. Obviously exactly the same stands for CS and FF!

I always planned to combi-feed but ‘missed the window’ so ended up EBF. It was awful - I desperately needed a break and had a major oversupply issue AND cluster-feeding baby. It’s not that I found the BF itself hard, it was the mental toll.

similarly I had a VB but it took 3 days and ended in forceps. The forceps and episiotomy bit was actually fine but the last 6 hours were extremely traumatic. Did I have a 6 week physical recovery time? No. But I actually qualified for and had 6 sessions of CBT on the NHS to cope with the trauma. It took much longer than 6 weeks to recover.

there has been lots of practical advice on this thread but my main bit of advice is to look after your mental health. You really do need to tell someone if you suspect you have a problem - my community midwifery team were excellent.

set clear boundaries and expectations with your partner regarding visitors and going out. They need to understand BEFORE you have the baby that seeing your own friends and family IS different to seeing theirs. You may want your mum to come but that does NOT mean you are obliged to invite MIL!!

Themaghag · 21/07/2023 11:11

@laalaaland "Be kind to yourself, take it one day (or hour) at a time (and sniff their head as often as possible!)

This, especially the sniffing of the baby's head - there really is nothing like it! If the smell could be bottled someone would make themselves an absolute fortune! And similarly, gently stroking the baby's head is the ultimate tactile experience too!

Whyisitsosohard · 21/07/2023 11:18

I do find ff way easier than BF but I am aware that's because I'm a control freak and I hated not knowing if they had enough milk.

At least with a bottle you can say okay they've had 100ml (or whatever), they must be crying about something else (wind or tired 9/10 times).

Plus ff made it way easier to get on a routine (3 then 4 hourly feeds and wake windows of 90 mins and then 2 hours). Just focus on winding as they do need more than BF babies.

I'd definitely try and get them sleeping in the cot as early as possible but don't panic about the odd contact nap in the day, I wasn't comfortable co sleeping either and did find those who did it struggled to get them out when they'd had enough.

Dummies are a personal thing, they can be a good comfort but again hard to get rid of. We don't use perfect prep or ready made formula but I would second all the posters saying to try and get baby used to room temp milk vs warming.

Get hubby to do at least one feed at night and try not to comment on the way he settles them (or does anything unless it's actually dangerous) or it's an easy out for you to do everything.

Finally I'd seriously consider a snoo if you can afford it (even if 2nd hand) because rocking them gets super exhausting and ours never settled easily.

Original poster
Animallover87 · 21/07/2023 11:28

@Whyisitsosohard my DH is expecting to do all the night bottles at least to start with, I expect he'll be more competent than me at the beginning lol!

We have a snoo arriving today 😀

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Original poster
Animallover87 · 21/07/2023 11:38

@Insaneinthebrayne They need to understand BEFORE you have the baby that seeing your own friends and family IS different to seeing theirs. You may want your mum to come but that does NOT mean you are obliged to invite MIL!!

This makes me feel a bit sad, baby is just as much my DH as mine, and if I have a boy I will be MIL some day 🥲

OP posts:
StormShadow · 21/07/2023 11:55

Goldenbear · 20/07/2023 18:02

Oh my goodness, you really are relentless in your self appointed Gatekeeper role, for the last time, it absolutely is relevant as it's an insight/ a tip, something the OP can ignore but there is no problem with alerting her like 'many' others have to not making any plans at this stage about BFing and it is absolutely stretching credulity to suggest that fairly major surgery is as easy as 1, 2, 3. Mumsnet is not wholly about the politics of these decisions, you are making the personal, political and it isn't that kind of thread. Reality can sometimes bite and it is is better to be forewarned. Why think you can plan something effectively if you are not going to take into account all the eventualities, that's extremely shortsighted.

Oh and I didn't flounce I asked you not to bother replying to me personally as you seem a bit fixated on me and the content of your replies is repetitive. Your defensiveness is inappropriate as I'm not responding to an OP made by you. There are many posts saying the same thing is me, one of the latest in fact suggesting not to make plans as they may go out of the window but it seems that I am the only one you are interested in belittling.

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Your hypocrisy in this post is everything, it really is. You're calling someone else a gatekeeper after you carried on the argument yourself and then thought you were entitled to decide whether others should reply?! I mean, wow.

Also, you're just plain wrong about me not being interested in criticising other people who've posted the same nonsense as you have: a quick search of the thread will show you that. The insistence on giving OP irrelevant and unasked for advice is in the wrong whether it's coming from you or any of the many others who've felt moved to offer it.

CuriousEgg · 21/07/2023 12:33

@LimePi i got codein too! Quite a strong dose aswell.
I actually didn't feel i needed the amount that they recommended so It was enough that i have some left over and have used once or twice since in emergency for severe headaches. Don’t recommend that though… think the last headache was not severe enough and I felt a bit…. Err… funny.

Original poster
Animallover87 · 21/07/2023 12:39

Quite a few folk I know have had c sections in the hospital I'm going to and have all said they've been sent home with plenty painkillers, I've got some in my hospital bag and at home though just in case!

OP posts:
LittleMonstera · 21/07/2023 13:21

LimePi · 21/07/2023 10:04

They gave me codeine to take home with my C section AND a prescription for more 🤷‍♀️

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Maybe it's a North/South divide..? My London friend got codeine, I'm up North and even when still on the ward they asked if I actually wanted paracetamol or not, err yes, yes I do! I used paracetamol and ibuprofen I'd purchased myself at home for about 7-10 days then

WideEyedStirrer · 21/07/2023 13:36

LittleMonstera · 21/07/2023 13:21

Maybe it's a North/South divide..? My London friend got codeine, I'm up North and even when still on the ward they asked if I actually wanted paracetamol or not, err yes, yes I do! I used paracetamol and ibuprofen I'd purchased myself at home for about 7-10 days then

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I was in the north and was given plenty of codeine to take home, along with a different pain relieving drug (not paracetamol or ibuprofen).

Everywherenowhere · 21/07/2023 13:37

Put the next to me on your side and get DH to get out of bed and hand you the baby. That’s what my DH did for the first 8 weeks. I wouldn’t have been able to settle not seeing the baby. We used pre made formula - very handy but I did breastfeed too and that was great for at night. I found it difficult and more tiring once we stopped to do the nights and that was with just pouring a pre made into a sterilised bottle. Consider separate rooms once you’re recovered - DH would get a full night sleep for 5 days and then he’d take the weekend nights and bring baby to me to breastfeed then he’d settle back. This worked well for us as he wasn’t tired so was more able to help and on my nights I’d get 10 solid hours sleep so that set me up for the week. Even now if baby goes through a sleep regression we sleep separately and swap.

Changing table downstairs for definite. We also had a proper bassinet downstairs which was handy. Get some zippy babygrows for nighttime - handy for changes.

MAM bottles are great and we also found a Nuby rapid cool great instead of a perfect prep. Didn’t need to worry about cleaning a machine or it not being the correct hotness.

we also got cleaners in quarterly for a deep clean so I didn’t do any dusting etc in the interim. House was fine!

re c section just be aware your recovery might be difficult and plan for that (not being able to walk to the shop for example). I’m a year in and my scar still hurts and I’ve had awful numbness. I couldn’t walk more than a few mins until I was 8 weeks past it. My friend was out doing laps of the village 2 days after hers. We are both slim and fit. It’s just pot luck. I had a planned section by a top consultant and everyone who has seen my scar says how neat it is but it still gives me alot of trouble and is also aggravated by what clothes and underwear I wear @Animallover87

LittleMonstera · 21/07/2023 13:44

WideEyedStirrer · 21/07/2023 13:36

I was in the north and was given plenty of codeine to take home, along with a different pain relieving drug (not paracetamol or ibuprofen).

Show quote history

OK I feel cheated now... my hospital was a bit anti-c-section though so my new conspiracy theory is they want women to be in pain and therefore dissuade other women from having them (that or I just pissed off the nurse on duty).

Insaneinthebrayne · 21/07/2023 18:20

@Animallover87 yes of course the baby is equally your DH, but you may need some emotional support for YOU! It’s not just about people coming to see the baby. Obviously if you want your MIL then that’s great!! I’m just saying it’s completely valid to be ready to see your circle and not his.

notamilf · 21/07/2023 18:23

Make 6 bottles up in advance and store them in the fridge. Warm them up in the microwave when needed.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 21/07/2023 21:42

Breastfeeding is easier and is monumentally beneficial to you and baby, lifelong enhanced health and.intelligence for baby
See recent article in BMJ theemerging data is mind blowing

Original poster
Animallover87 · 21/07/2023 22:54

@Insaneinthebrayne unfortunately my MIL has passed away so it will mostly be my family around at the start anyway

@Letsgetouttahere2023 not true its not necessarily easier at all. Also I don't want to.

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Nunganungas · 21/07/2023 23:25

@Letsgetouttahere2023 please may you link the article? Not doubting just keen to read it

Original poster
Animallover87 · 21/07/2023 23:39

Correlation isn't causation. More educated mothers are more likely to breastfeed hence the more positive outlook statistically long term.

OP posts:
Whyisitsosohard · 22/07/2023 00:38

In that case some tips for snoo, we didn't use till ours was 3 weeks and we were desperate enough to buy one but we found swaddling before putting in the sleep bag helped when their Moro reflex is strong as it means they are less likely to fly their arms up and startle themselves.

The motion looks intense even with motion limiter on so it only goes up to level 2. Level 2 looks a lot but is perfectly safe. I'd use the weaning mode before the 4 month regression. We started at 9 weeks. It says not to use blankets but we do as the weight is a comfort, just keep them well clear of the face as you can't tuck in properly.

It's not a catch all settler so you'll probably still need to settle in arms first.

McYummy · 22/07/2023 01:20

Get some massive knickers for post CS. I had to borrow DH's newest, nicest boxers while I waited for an M&S delivery of big pants that wouldn't irritate the sore bits.

Angelil · 22/07/2023 02:14

Animallover87 · 21/07/2023 23:39

Correlation isn't causation. More educated mothers are more likely to breastfeed hence the more positive outlook statistically long term.

Exactly. Sorry if I missed any of your earlier posts but have you read ‘Cribsheet’?

Original poster
Animallover87 · 22/07/2023 06:45

McYummy · 22/07/2023 01:20

Get some massive knickers for post CS. I had to borrow DH's newest, nicest boxers while I waited for an M&S delivery of big pants that wouldn't irritate the sore bits.

Haha I didn't even think about wearing his boxers, 😂 massive pants is on my to buy list this weekend.

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