Do I go on holiday or save my money for ivf?

[gonetoseethewizard]

I've had the worst 3 years of my entire life (family troubles and fertility issues) and I'm at complete rock bottom mentally. We last went on holiday 5 years ago and would really like to go again. The holiday isn't cheap - it's approx. 6 grand. (Destination isn't negotiable as it's the only place we want to go, I've made it as cheap as possible too).

However...

It's looking more and more likely that I will need ivf for any chance of conception (one blocked tube, ttc for almost two years).

I'm really concerned about spending our money on a holiday when I will more than likely need it for ivf treatments in the near future. I feel so guilty to spend it all on a holiday but I know this is the last holiday we'd have for a long while again due to treatment and my parents are getting more dependant on us so I wouldn't be able to leave them much longer.
We just seriously need a break before facing anything else.

Do I forget the holiday and save the money for ivf? Or do I go on holiday and then either take out a loan or continue to save for ivf afterwards?

She has a blocked tube. Holidays don't unblock tubes. This is just as ignorant as telling a cancer parient to meditate the tumor away. She has a medical condition.

Ah OP having seen the stress infertility and IVF has had on a close family member I think you should do the holiday, try and centre yourself and then take the next steps you need.

WTF. Let's all go on holidays and we won't need IVF. Jesus.

@Creepyrosemary @AlwaysFrazzled88

Honestly 🤦🏻‍♀️

Can't wait for my minimum of twins though.

OP infertility and IVF really does a number on your mental well-being and having to prioritise it over everything can be really shit. People who can get pregnant just by having se a couple of times with their partner don’t really get it. I would take the holiday.

£6k for a holiday for only two of you is a lot when you want ivf. If you can afford it then go for it but there are plenty of really lovely holidays for half that price, it doesn’t have to be either/or, you can have a relaxing holiday, which you sound like you need and then ivf. Good luck.

You won’t enjoy the holiday because you’ll have lost ivf chance in your mind. Go somewhere cheaper to have a break. Keep the money for your ivf.

@KimberleyClark

I agree, they really don't get it. Everyone who doesn't have a problem getting pregnant can't begin to imagine how it feels for someone who can't get pregnant. I'm glad they don't know how much it hurts, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but holy sh*t does it hurt.

OP, while I do think that a holiday would be the right thing for you, have you properly thought through the emotional impact of going to a place that will be absolutely chock full of parents with children? It might be too much for you, despite your own happy memories of Disney.

I did it differently- I had my NHS round of ICSI and then when that was unsuccessful, we booked a fancy holiday. I needed something to focus on after all the treatments and stress, that wasn’t fertility/babies. It was an adults only resort so no painful reminders. I still remember thinking I’d rather have the baby than the fancy holiday though. If the treatment had been successful we’d have used the money to save for mat leave and baby stuff.

I changed jobs, had Christmas etc and by the time I’d got the referral back to the clinic and had some tests it was about 9 months between (full) cycles. So chances are you’d have at least a few months to save between cycles. I think FETs from your first cycle might be included too if you’re lucky enough to get some embryos to freeze.

In that time I reduced my stress levels (changing jobs), took some advice from It Starts With The Egg, had a healthier lifestyle and changed protocol and meds and second time I was successful. It’s often said that the first cycle is a bit of trial and error to see how you respond to the meds etc and you will be lucky to have success first time round.

I do agree with other posters though that going into it very stressed is unlikely to bring success or be any good for your health so even if you don’t do a big holiday at least use some of your money and annual leave to give yourself a break/spa weekend or whatever.

It kind of was a 'last resort' thing for my sister in that there was no way on earth they could have saved up for the UK treatment, or at least not quickly, and time was not on her side (she was nearly 41 when she became pregnant with my now 7 y/o DN). But she had nothing but incredibly positive things to say about the clinic and the process - I think she needed to stay there about a week or maybe ten days in total, and even with flights and accommodation it was something like £2.5k vs (from memory) more than £6k in the UK. Plus they're all set up for overseas patients and will include airport transfers, travel to and from the clinic for appointments, assistance with booking hotels etc etc so it's all very smooth and stress-free.

Prague is also a lovely place for a break in itself (not quite up there with Disney though haha!)

@MumOfOneAwesomeHuman that's lovely to hear! I am hugely grateful to CRGH.

Op - good luck whatever you decide to do.

I would second the idea of a week in Cornwall or Wales even if you don't go abroad, just to help with Joe stressed you are feeling.

I was so anxious during my ivf that I took up pottery painting, entirely not me at all. I do have some nice painted tea pots in the cupboard though!

I always worried about booking a holiday in case I might be pregnant! After over three years of TTC, it seemed to be a vain hope anyway! I had a lap and dye in the July which revealed that I had one fully and one partially blocked tube. It seemed hopeless at the time.

So... we booked a holiday in Tenerife for October. I had an HSG in September which showed that the force of the dye in the earlier procedure had unblocked my errant tubes.... I was 6 weeks' pregnant when we went to Tenerife!

Just to add, my sibling has 13 year old twins conceived by IVF in Prague. One of my closest and oldest friends has 25 year old twins conceived by IVF in Harley Street, along with a bonus 3rd conceived 3 months after having the twins, after being told that their chances of conceiving naturally were about the same odds as winning the lottery ....

Bingo!

Go on hols. you might actually relax. Chill out

I'd say IVF.

Having gone through it myself (TTC age 31) went privately aged 34 (NHS waiting list was too long) and the private clinic had better statistics. We paid for 3 rounds and if it didn't work at the end (live birth) you'd get 70% back. First round ended in missed miscarriage 2016, took a bit of time out because it was all quite drawn out and I had to have a D&C. Second round 2018 chemical pregnancy and the third round was pushed back to due to family bereavement and was due for 2020, then covid hit so the IVF was cancelled. In 2021 I fell pregnant naturally and had my daughter, I'm pregnant again and I'll be 41 when this baby is born.

The thing is with IVF is that it might seem like you have a lot of time but certainly with NHS waiting times it will take at least a year to get on the waiting list, possibly longer after covid. Even when going privately life gets in the way and you may feel you need a break from treatment. The years go by so quickly. I'd have loved to have had my children earlier and it's not like I started trying when I was considered to be old.

Sorry, I saw your update that it would take 6 months to save 6K. In that case absolutely go on the holiday and don't feel guilty about it. I was assuming it would take you years.

Treatment first, holidays as and when

I would go on the holiday. Not because it’s going to cure your fertility issues (unbelievable that you’ve had replies like that), but because it’s what you need for your mental health now.

If you wait for your NHS round, you’ll have time to save the money back up again.

Also just to say I was the most stressed and anxious I’d ever been in my life during our IVF cycle. Utter torment. It worked first time, so don’t feel hopeless that your mood will affect the outcome.

So I started ivf. It was 18 years ago now. Went to Prague for a break for a few days and got pregnant. I was told by the fertility doc that's not uncommon.