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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I go on holiday or save my money for ivf?

171 replies

gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 15:59

I've had the worst 3 years of my entire life (family troubles and fertility issues) and I'm at complete rock bottom mentally. We last went on holiday 5 years ago and would really like to go again. The holiday isn't cheap - it's approx. 6 grand. (Destination isn't negotiable as it's the only place we want to go, I've made it as cheap as possible too).

However...

It's looking more and more likely that I will need ivf for any chance of conception (one blocked tube, ttc for almost two years).

I'm really concerned about spending our money on a holiday when I will more than likely need it for ivf treatments in the near future. I feel so guilty to spend it all on a holiday but I know this is the last holiday we'd have for a long while again due to treatment and my parents are getting more dependant on us so I wouldn't be able to leave them much longer.
We just seriously need a break before facing anything else.

Do I forget the holiday and save the money for ivf? Or do I go on holiday and then either take out a loan or continue to save for ivf afterwards?

OP posts:
AlwaysFrazzled88 · 17/07/2023 16:34

SoupDragon · 17/07/2023 16:31

I've had the worst 3 years of my entire life (family troubles and fertility issues) and I'm at complete rock bottom mentally.

Holiday.

Your mental health is important.

You can have both if OP is willing to downgrade to a slightly less expensive one.

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 17/07/2023 16:35

Having had to spend £35k on IVF in my early 30s I'd say keep it for IVF - the tan will fade and the photos be consigned to a photo album. The regret you'd feel would last a lot longer. With any luck your NHS round will work which at your age is entirely possible and you have good odds and you can use the £6k for a baby moon

RedHelenB · 17/07/2023 16:36

Holiday. Yoy nay well cone back with a honeymoon baby if you are fully relaxed on holiday.

cheezncrackers · 17/07/2023 16:36

Holiday. You sound like you REALLY need it. And if you'll get a free round of IVF, then use that and maybe it works?

Madrid67 · 17/07/2023 16:36

It seems a bit odd that there is only one place in the world that you want to go to and it's either that or nothing. It doesn't sound as though it's the holiday you need as much as this place as people can enjoy a holiday and good break in more places than just one specific location.
that place means so much to you then go and forget the IVF for a while,
but if you just feel you need a holiday go somewhere cheaper and then go ahead with the IVF.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/07/2023 16:38

@xPissflapsx horrible comment and awful username

Canthave2manycats · 17/07/2023 16:39

There are so many places to choose all over the world. I'd opt for a much cheaper holiday - go and see somewhere new! - and hang onto most of the money for IVF.

Just to share my experience, we were TTC for more than 3 years and nothing. I had a lap & dye, followed a few weeks later by an HSG. The HSG showed that they dye had forced open my previously fully and partially blocked tubes, and I literally got pregnant within days!

Original poster
gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 16:39

Just want to clarify for everyone thinking I'm a bit odd for only wanting a specific location. I couldn't justify spending out on a destination that I have little to no interest in - that isn't our idea of a relaxing holiday. We literally go on holiday once every 4-5 years. Both times we've been to the same destination and we love it so much that we just don't want to go anywhere else. It is our place. It is an expensive holiday but we justify it in the fact that we only go twice every 10 years. If it weren't for my fertility problems we would be going ahead with the holiday. My mental health is completely through the floor due to my fertility problems as well as awful family events that have happened over the past few years.

I feel racked with guilt for even considering going away when I want to get pregnant whether that be naturally or through ivf. It is never ever a case of which do I want more - obviously I want my baby more than anything in the world, anything.

OP posts:
LumpyPumpkin · 17/07/2023 16:42

I simply cannot fathom that there's only one place in the world you want to go. Why does it have to be the perfect holiday? Why can't you go somewhere cheaper and accept it won't be perfect in your eyes but at least you'll have some relaxation and fun and some money left ober.

If the only place you'll consider is that expensive and you've got it as cheap as you can, I wouldn't bother. If you're going somewhere like say Bora Bora and you're doing it as cheaply as you possibly can, I can only imagine you'll be disappointed because it won't be as good as it could be if you spent more money, and your standards and expectations seem unreasonably high. Might as well not bother with the holiday.

Why not look into whether you qualify for any free IVF and then think more.

Original poster
gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 16:42

@xPissflapsx

Lol, yawn.

OP posts:
Prestat · 17/07/2023 16:43

Sorry can’t relate. There are so many places to choose from when no kids. Excellent late deals too. You are both limiting yourself believing there is only one special destination.

BuffyFanForever · 17/07/2023 16:46

Normally would be so pro holiday. Make yourself feel better and that helps with fertility struggles too! However ivf is expensive. As in the price you are quoted is not the price you pay. Think about every medicine, every scan every 2 minute telephone chat with a dr…the prices are astronomical. If you know you need to pay for ivf I would 100% save the money.

BuffyFanForever · 17/07/2023 16:49

Sorry saying that as someone who spent 5 years doing fertility treatments. Of course it works first time for some people too. If you decide on your holiday instead then I hope you enjoy yourself.

Overthebow · 17/07/2023 16:52

I feel racked with guilt for even considering going away when I want to get pregnant whether that be naturally or through ivf. It is never ever a case of which do I want more - obviously I want my baby more than anything in the world, anything.

OP can you afford a round or two of IVF of you spend the £6k on a holiday? If not then I think that’s your answer of having a baby is the most important thing for you. I’d save the money, take the free IVF round then of it works go on your expensive holiday and if not then you have the money ready to start private IVF. You’ll regret it if spending the money now means no baby.

bluebird3 · 17/07/2023 16:53

Go on holiday. IVF can be a long slog and you need to be in a good frame of mind if possible. You have one NHS round to use and it could work and you'll have missed your chance at the holiday. You've got time to save for IVF and you can get a payment plan if needed. From someone who has been through infertility and IVF, I'd say don't let it take over your whole life. It's far better to try and keep the rest of your life ticking along and not hyperfocus on IVF.

Peony654 · 17/07/2023 16:55

ALittleBitAlexa · 17/07/2023 16:31

In that case I'd actually prioritise the holiday - it's obviously about that particular location, and if you were successful with your IVF you might not get the chance to go for a while. Then come back, do the NHS round while saving up for private if needed. If not needed, bonus. If you were late 30s my advice would be different.

I agree. You need a break, looking after yourself is important. It will take a while to go through the NHS funded round so you can save during that time.

LegendsBeyond · 17/07/2023 16:56

I’d just go for a cheaper holiday. You can’t afford the expensive one if you want IVF. It’s ridiculous to say only one 6k holiday is acceptable to you 🙄

Changingplace · 17/07/2023 16:58

We get one free round on nhs.

Have you been referred for NHS IVF yet? It can take ages, but is just as likely to work as private, I think in your shoes I’d prioritise getting the NHS IVF first.

Also, echoing everyone else on the one destination or none for a holiday, what will you do when/if you have a child? Never go on holiday again?

SchoolShenanigans · 17/07/2023 16:58

If you really want kids, which im assuming you do since you've been actively trying for so long, then you'd be silly to spend £6k on a holiday if you don't otherwise have money for IVF.

Holidays are fine, but they are over quickly and youve had holidays before. I'd concentrate on fertility for now and bank your holiday for later years.

Catcatcatcatcat · 17/07/2023 16:59

LegendsBeyond · 17/07/2023 16:56

I’d just go for a cheaper holiday. You can’t afford the expensive one if you want IVF. It’s ridiculous to say only one 6k holiday is acceptable to you 🙄

Agree with this. How do you know you wouldn’t enjoy yourself somewhere else?

You are portraying yourself as oddly inflexible.

In your situation I would prioritise IVF

Gh12345 · 17/07/2023 16:59

I’d say go on holiday but £6000 seems excessive. Sorry OP

Unicorn2022 · 17/07/2023 17:00

Spend the £6k going on holiday to Barbados and have IVF at the same time at Barbados Fertility Centre. Success rates are extremely high, the treatment is second to none and it's in a beautiful location.

Or if that doesn't appeal then maybe check out IVF in the country you want to visit. Overseas IVF is often better and cheaper than UK.

Tessabelle74 · 17/07/2023 17:02

Go on the holiday! You won't get chance if you get pregnant in the future, or your parents health declines further. Good luck with everything 🤞

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/07/2023 17:03

Sorry OP another one who thinks you’re ridiculous.
tbh if it’s 6k or nothing,
you don’t want a holiday enough equally sounds like you don’t want ivf enough.

Mortgageportgage · 17/07/2023 17:09

I think you sound slightly ridiculous, your thinking is very rigid.

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