Do I go on holiday or save my money for ivf?

[gonetoseethewizard]

I've had the worst 3 years of my entire life (family troubles and fertility issues) and I'm at complete rock bottom mentally. We last went on holiday 5 years ago and would really like to go again. The holiday isn't cheap - it's approx. 6 grand. (Destination isn't negotiable as it's the only place we want to go, I've made it as cheap as possible too).

However...

It's looking more and more likely that I will need ivf for any chance of conception (one blocked tube, ttc for almost two years).

I'm really concerned about spending our money on a holiday when I will more than likely need it for ivf treatments in the near future. I feel so guilty to spend it all on a holiday but I know this is the last holiday we'd have for a long while again due to treatment and my parents are getting more dependant on us so I wouldn't be able to leave them much longer.
We just seriously need a break before facing anything else.

Do I forget the holiday and save the money for ivf? Or do I go on holiday and then either take out a loan or continue to save for ivf afterwards?

@Justhereforaibu1

Thank you ♥️

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees

Thank you.

My other tube is clear and healthy - my surgeon was extremely optimistic that I'd get pregnant naturally as he was so pleased with my results. Apparently it is just the one blocked tube that's the problem but it seems less likely considering nothings happening. ☹️

Sounds like you can easily afford to do both so do both. Escape to the holiday you want then come back afresh for your ivf

If people are treating you harshly it’s because most of us can only dream of having £6k to spend on a holiday. If you can save up that money again in 6 months it’s a no brainier, have the holiday you’ve worked for and need.

Do do your research for ivf. Better to travel and have the best treatment than go to your nearest clinic if their success rates are only half that of a better clinic.

Good luck my ivf babies are teenagers now.

OP I'd go on the holiday personally, especially if you would still have some savings left over and could afford the IVF afterwards if you cut back elsewhere. At 30 you still have time to save between IVF rounds if it doesn't work first/second/third time. You sound so stressed - a break where you try not to even think about TTC and just relax would be better for you mentally than ploughing on with IVF at the moment I feel.

Out of interest have you looked into IVF overseas? My sister and her fiance only had one round of IVF on the NHS due to her age (she turned 40 shortly after), which failed. She then went to a lovely, extremely professional, modern private clinic in Prague for a fraction of the price (even including flights/hotels etc) and it worked there first time. Might be worth looking into?

@Ricochetsandwhich

Thank you.

We can only afford a 6 grand holiday because we save up for it over 5 years :) this would never be feasible as a yearly holiday! Any extras we need or would like we can then justify a bit more throughout the year as we know we won't be going on a holiday.

For ivf we can save up in 6 months because I will make sure we don't spend anything on anything else. That would take up every bit of any disposable income.

I will do my research - I always thought you needed to be in a certain area due to all of the scans and tests, thank you. ♥️

@Whichwhatnow

Thank you.

I haven't looked into overseas at all - I was always under the impression that they were used as a last resort kind of thing (definitely not meaning to cause any offence with that).☹️
I'd definitely be open to it. Thank you. ♥️

Personally I'd use the £6k to consult a natural conception Dr and take up their suggestions following blood tests to check and optimise hormones/vitamin/mineral status etc.

Really wish I'd done that when faced with secondary infertility.

And good luck!

I've been there. We used to go away after each failed stage of fertility treatments, as a kind of consolation prize (Bit like putting a sticking plaster over a gaping wound 🙄) but it really helped my mental health, and helped me to rally for what was coming next.

Is there any reason your jumping straight to IVF? There's other options such as ovulation stimulating drugs like Clomid with monitoring, especially if all other causes have been ruled out.

We then had IVF, which didn't work, but we had frozen embryos. I was so sure that they wouldn't work, soI booked a luxury holiday to St Lucia..... and yup I got my BFP! I was 10 weeks along on my hols, but after 6 years trying I didn't care that I couldn't scuba dive or have a cocktail!

Good luck on your journey....I hit the jackpot 2 years later and also had twins.

You're 31. You have plenty of time for ivf. Go on holiday

@WickedUsername

Thank you for understanding - I really fear my mental health isn't strong enough to jump straight into ivf at the moment but I also don't want to leave it much longer. I just can't get my stress levels down.

Can I try clomid even if my problem is just with the one tube? I have been looking into clomid over the past couple of months but I'm concerned it could do more harm than good as my problem isn't with ovulation. Am I wrong?? I hope I am wrong, If so, definitely willing to try clomid.

so so pleased it worked out for you in the end ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

I'd go on holiday, you are only 30 so even with infertility you have ages to try. You could easily save up again I'm sure. I wish we'd done more holidays together before we had kids, we were saving hard for a house deposit in our 20s so only went away abroad twice before children. Do the holiday, have fun, you have time for ivf, a break will do you good I'm sure. Once kids do come along your holidays won't look anything like they do now!

@LivinDaylights

Thank you. Xx

@Grumpy101

Thank you xx

Seeing the update and that you can save the money in 6 months. I'd definitely on holiday. As a pp said just be mindful your expectations might be different from what the holiday is like.

If you can save that money back easily in 6 months I'd go away and not think about ivf until I was home.

I go to Disney World every year. I try other places but I REALLY only want to go to Disney the most. Its been like that for 30 years !
Its like going home. It brings me so many happy memories of when my kids were young. It brings me wonderful memories of my departed parents. Its hard to describe this to others who do not understand.

OP have your 3 week holiday. Relax, enjoy your memories old and new. Spend time with your hubbie. Find good mental health. Come back refreshed and happy and ready to take on your TTC journey in whatever direction you need x

I wish you Godspeed ❤️

@Densol57

You guessed it 😊 nobody ever gets it.

Thank you so much xx

With your ages and how unreliable IVF would be I definitely wouldn’t be chancing it. I’d do the holiday after.

Knew it was Disney. I get it. We did it before we TTC.

You’re not staying on resort for 6k are you?

@FlowersInTheSky

Definitely not.

I highly doubt we will go now anyway.

What does your partner think about this? The main thing is to be on the same page and be open with each other about your fears and hopes- financial limitations/possibilities, stress levels, worries about IVF failing.

I think you should go on the holiday. The metal health benefits will be immense (though I’m a bit worried that going somewhere with memories of relatives you have lost could make you sadder not happier) and while you are on the trip it will be an important time to reconnect and bond with your partner and plan ahead for the future. You need that bond to be strong.

I have an IVF baby. I also have one blocked tube, but I also has the added complication of being 40 before we started TTC (met DH late in life). I had no idea one tube was blocked, and I did have one chemical pregnancy naturally before I found this out. It’s a bugger as you’re essentially only able to try naturally every 2 months!

A huge plus for you is that you are still quite young so the IVF should get round the physical barrier and your eggs are probably in good health. Even with my old worn out eggs my IVF worked second round so we didn’t end up paying all that much in the end, certainly less than 10 grand (all private as I was too old for NHS). You can get a loan for the IVF if you don’t manage to save as quickly as you hoped. You might even get enough embryos to freeze some, so that makes it cheaper for subsequent rounds. And you have the NHS round as a starter anyway.

As others have suggested, if not done already, make sure you get DH’s sperm tested asap so you know where you are with that as it’s not impossible that you both have issues.

Bon voyage and good luck.

I knew from the first couple of posts hun 😃
Its a place like no other ! I honestly think that will do you the world of good ! Leave it all behind and enjoy the magic x

@ChocChipHandbag

Thank you so much for your lovely reply.
I'm so sorry you also have one blocked tube - it's truly shit. I'm so pleased you have been successful ♥️

My partner is very much for the holiday - more so than I am really. He is coping mentally a LOT better than I am - he is extremely patient and kind. However he is struggling mainly with the pain I'm in. We've got to the point where I seem to permanently be stuck in this kind of trance of pure sadness. Ive never experienced anything like it.

My doctor said that although it appears to be that you ovulate from one ovary one month, the other the next, apparently it isn't quite like that and you can ovulate for up to 6 months from one ovary?!! Who knows at this point.

Thank you again xx

@Densol57

😂 a secret code that only people who understand could guess😂

Thank you so much xx