Do I go on holiday or save my money for ivf?

[gonetoseethewizard]

I've had the worst 3 years of my entire life (family troubles and fertility issues) and I'm at complete rock bottom mentally. We last went on holiday 5 years ago and would really like to go again. The holiday isn't cheap - it's approx. 6 grand. (Destination isn't negotiable as it's the only place we want to go, I've made it as cheap as possible too).

However...

It's looking more and more likely that I will need ivf for any chance of conception (one blocked tube, ttc for almost two years).

I'm really concerned about spending our money on a holiday when I will more than likely need it for ivf treatments in the near future. I feel so guilty to spend it all on a holiday but I know this is the last holiday we'd have for a long while again due to treatment and my parents are getting more dependant on us so I wouldn't be able to leave them much longer.
We just seriously need a break before facing anything else.

Do I forget the holiday and save the money for ivf? Or do I go on holiday and then either take out a loan or continue to save for ivf afterwards?

There is such a clear difference in responses from those who have suffered from infertility and those who have not.

To even suggest that I 'don't want a child enough' is ludicrous.

If I didn't suffer from infertility and I'd just asked if I should go on holiday before having a child naturally would I have received these responses? I think not.

However because I am infertile and suffering to conceive through issues that are ENTIRELY out of my control and medically induced, I receive comments intended only to hurt me further. How dare I even consider going on holiday once every 5 years BEFORE I pay for my CHANCE to conceive, not guarantee to conceive, my CHANCE. If I were fertile I'd simply go on holiday then get pregnant, simple. Oh how I wish every second of every day it were that simple.

OP, I would have your holiday that you both obviously need. It will obviously do you a lot of good. I hope everything works out for you.

For your own sanity take the holiday, no one ever regrets good times do they?

Of course you can go on holiday but does it have to be a 6k one? I have had four rounds of IVF and two children and I think you are being a little bit unreasonable.

I can't even imagine a 6k holiday!🤣

I’d go with the ivf. To date I’ve spent £21k, in the next month I’m about spend another £8k. It doesn’t get any cheaper 😢

I know for me, speaking personally, my overwhelming desire was to have a baby. I wouldn’t have been interested in a holiday tbh. Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

Depends how long it would take you to save if you need to pay for ivf. Would you look back and regret the holiday?

We spent close on £35k on ICSI I reckon…
We had one free cycle on the NHS which failed.

If you can afford a £6k holiday then do it. It could take years to get pregnant/have a live birth so you’ll have to save between cycles.
Good luck op.

Honestly if that’s even a question for you then having a child doesn’t seem like a priority right now- so holiday it is!

OP no one is saying you don’t want a baby enough. It’s just that a lot of us know how expensive IVF is, and the odds of a round working. You still haven’t answered the question can you afford an IVF round if you spend £6k on a holiday? As that would answer the q for me.

To conclude - I'm not going to go on holiday - I will save everything for IVF. Thank you for all of the genuine helpful responses.

OP go for a cheap one if you need it unless you can't have a holiday (cheap or not) AND save for IVF. I sympathize though. Saving for treatment is so difficult.

There is no point in starting ivf if you are in a bad state of mind, it's a gruelling process and you need to be strong to start it. In my opinion your mental health is as big a factor in ivf not working as physical factors. If the holiday will help your mental health then do it. However, also think how long it will take to save up the many thousands you'd need for private ivf and make sure you have a feasible plan for at least 3 rounds funded privately, I'd budget at least £18k for that. If you can save that in the next 3-5 years amazing and go ahead without a second thought. If you can't then try out another holiday location, you don't know that no other place will do if you've never tried.
For what it's worth I've had ivf that failed twice and I got pregnant naturally after taking a break and relaxing for a bit, so I'd never dismiss that as an option

Holiday - you would benefit from proper relaxation.
And nobody "needs" IVF - it's not compulsory. You might want to do it, or you might not - who knows?

@Motherofkittens28

Thank you.

I'm definitely in no frame of mind to begin yet. I can barely function day to day with the mental pain from it all. I've tried so so hard to relax too and I just can't. My doctor has even said to me that my stress levels are astronomical but I just don't know how to reduce them.

Realistically we probably can afford to go on the holiday and then self fund for private ivf after the holiday. I just feel guilty even considering it when I know how much ivf costs but I also know how mentally depleted I am. Basically I don't dare spend any money on anything as I feel like I need to save every penny for as many rounds as possible.

I know you've already said you've made up your mind OP, but just another message in support of you considering the 6k holiday. 3k per person is not excessive or that unusual for a 2 week holiday. What I can't understand is people encouraging you to spend probably half the 6k you'd spend on your dream holiday, on a shit compromise holiday. It would still put a dent in your savings but would essentially be a waste?

Op I'm sorry you are experiencing such difficulties conceiving. You can have 2 special holiday places in the world. If you tell us what you love about your holiday destination maybe we can help you find somewhere equally precious?

OP, like many of us with infertility, will feel there is no choice but to go through it if it gives us a chance of a baby.

@ALittleBitAlexa

Finally! Thank you!

This is a 3 week holiday too for 6 grand. I'm scared of flying so I only do it once every 5 years for 3 weeks. We could go for two weeks instead but it's the flights that are the costly part and they don't make any difference whether you go for 1 day or 3 weeks.

I definitely don't want to waste money on a location that we just aren't overly interested in! Thank you!!

@AlwaysFrazzled88

Precisely- thank you.

Of course you can and should go on holiday- most rational people though would spend at least a third less.

Ok can people seriously just stop saying to just ‘relax’ and you’ll magically get pregnant? If only it were that easy!!!

What is it about the location that is so special?

How long will it take you to save up for IVF?
If you spend £6000 now will it take you five years to get that back ?

Because if that's the case then time is not your side being 30 already with fertility issues and no guarantee the first or second or third or fourth round of IVF could work.

The holiday destination will always be there but your window for a baby won't be.

@coodawoodashooda

Memories with my family who I've lost in the past couple of years. ☹️ it is an extremely sentimental location for us. I'm not just strange and stubborn only wanting one specific place for no reason.

I obviously would be open to other destinations in the future - these would be less costly - however this is where we want to go now. The future isn't looking very bright holiday wise due to my parents declining mobility - if I don't go on holiday this year, I'll be having ivf next year and who knows how many years after that too. My parents health will subsequently have declined with age too and I can't & won't leave them. My parents aren't even 70 yet but their mobility is not good. I'd then be looking at not going on holiday for years and years and years.