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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I go on holiday or save my money for ivf?

171 replies

gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 15:59

I've had the worst 3 years of my entire life (family troubles and fertility issues) and I'm at complete rock bottom mentally. We last went on holiday 5 years ago and would really like to go again. The holiday isn't cheap - it's approx. 6 grand. (Destination isn't negotiable as it's the only place we want to go, I've made it as cheap as possible too).

However...

It's looking more and more likely that I will need ivf for any chance of conception (one blocked tube, ttc for almost two years).

I'm really concerned about spending our money on a holiday when I will more than likely need it for ivf treatments in the near future. I feel so guilty to spend it all on a holiday but I know this is the last holiday we'd have for a long while again due to treatment and my parents are getting more dependant on us so I wouldn't be able to leave them much longer.
We just seriously need a break before facing anything else.

Do I forget the holiday and save the money for ivf? Or do I go on holiday and then either take out a loan or continue to save for ivf afterwards?

OP posts:
FlowersInTheSky · 17/07/2023 19:38

gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 19:23

@FlowersInTheSky

Definitely not.

I highly doubt we will go now anyway.

I think that’s the right decision. I’m a massive Disney fan and we go as often as we can (not very often, every few years really ad we always resort stay), but my children trump that 100 times over.

The happiness I get from WDW (and you know what I mean by that, it is something else you don’t get unless you’ve been) is minuscule compared to the happiness my children give me.

I wouldn’t change that for the world. There will always be Disney holidays, there will not always be time (or money) for children.

Densol57 · 17/07/2023 19:43

gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 19:34

@Densol57

😂 a secret code that only people who understand could guess😂

Thank you so much xx

If you do decide to go
not sure if you are a member of this forum group - Disney with a British accent - but its super friendly non judgy place for Disney planning
www.thedibb.co.uk

theDIBB - Disney and Florida Holiday Planning - The Disney Information Bulletin Board.

http://www.thedibb.co.uk

florafoxtrot · 17/07/2023 19:44

Go on the holiday. The referral process for IVF can take an age and if you get one free NHS round then you’ll have time to save up in case you do need to go private. IVF is emotionally extremely gruelling (physically I found it ok!) and I think having this holiday and getting into a better mindset is a really good investment. You would regret not having this holiday much more than having to postpone IVF for 3 months or so. Good luck!

NoodletheSchnoodle · 17/07/2023 19:53

As an IVF veteran, I'd say go for the holiday, especially if you qualify for a round of NHS funding.
Sounds like it's a once in a lifetime holiday, that you can go off and enjoy together, then throw yourself into the IVF.
IVF is certainly no picnic, even if you are successful first time. It puts a massive strain on your body, mental health, relationships.
Putting off the holiday and throwing yourself and all your money into treatment with no definite time frame could make you bitter that you never got the dream holiday.

I've put off so many things over the years to prioritise paying for IVF/potential pregnancies. My 30's have disappeared before my eyes with no key memories, it all just blurs into one year after year of failed treatments. I wish I'd just booked the holiday, Metaphorically speaking.

NoodletheSchnoodle · 17/07/2023 19:56

RedHelenB · 17/07/2023 16:36

Holiday. Yoy nay well cone back with a honeymoon baby if you are fully relaxed on holiday.

Hmm Tell me you're not infertile without telling me you're not infertile.
'Just relax and it will happen' what an ignorant response

Wifey124567 · 17/07/2023 19:58

I would go on the holiday!
I struggled to conceive my 2nd child, as I already had one and due to my age wasn't able to get free round on NHS, even though it would have been my husbands 1st child.
We went private, it was my husband who mainly had issues and I had some too, was told no way would ever happen naturally for us. After giving up all hope and preparing to start IVF I fell pregnant naturally.

The holiday could be the de stress you need, you may not fall naturally but just to get your head round Whats to come and accept things and become more relaxed about it .

Defo have your holiday and enjoy the memories you made there previously, no one else's opinion really matters other than yours and your partners.
Many people may choose differently in your situation but many also would choose the same, we all different and that's ok. You do you.

Birdeegirl · 17/07/2023 20:02

Maybe the problem you're not getting pregnant is because you NEED a holiday.
And honestly, if you do get lucky with IVF it may likely be twins or even worse so you're going to need more than 6K babies are expensive. And the older they get the more they want. And also you can forger holidays and peace and quiet when they come into your life so you may aswell just sod it and go on holiday. Trust in nature.

User68253 · 17/07/2023 20:03

If it's Disney World YABU.

Have you looked into egg sharing? It's usually a way to get free IVF.

Grumpy101 · 17/07/2023 20:15

3 WEEKS in Disney?? Whatever makes you happy but....not exactly the place I'd go to in order to forget about IVF and kids for a little while...

Sewannoying · 17/07/2023 20:16

Will you actually enjoy the holiday OP? My memories of going on holiday whilst unsuccessfully ttc are of being miserable. Being in a different place didn’t make it any better.

Feetupteashot · 17/07/2023 20:18

Ivf. Sooner you do it the more likely to be successful

FlowersInTheSky · 17/07/2023 20:20

User68253 · 17/07/2023 20:03

If it's Disney World YABU.

Have you looked into egg sharing? It's usually a way to get free IVF.

Don’t be so judgemental.

Original poster
gonetoseethewizard · 17/07/2023 20:20

@Sewannoying

I have no idea, I don't enjoy anything whatsoever at the moment.

OP posts:
seven201 · 17/07/2023 20:27

I sacrificed a lot for ivf/fertility clinics/fertility surgeries. Sorry, but I vote ivf fun and a long weekend away in the UK of somewhere cheap. I've not been abroad for 9 years but am finally 23 weeks pregnant after over 5 years of trying. I do have a 7 year old dd though. Good luck.

SparklesTheSoupDragon · 17/07/2023 20:29

Another vote for the holiday. We went through 2 unsuccessful rounds of IVF, decided to throw caution to the wind and go on holiday before our 3rd round started and, lo and behold, it worked. Obviously absolutely zero evidence it was because of the holiday but I like to think the reduction of my stress levels plus the impact on DH’s, ahem, contribution by wafting round in loose swim shorts might just have moved the needle enough.

seven201 · 17/07/2023 20:36

Definitely worth asking about clomid (or letrazole is becoming more popular than clomid now). I was prescribed that when they thought I had a blocked tube - turned out I didn't and that wasn't my problem. The fallopian tubes float about so can pick up the egg from either ovary. Mindfulness some people swear by. Didn't really help me much, nor did counselling (might have been the counsellor). It was very much a rollercoaster, had some epically low points but somehow got through it. Good luck on your journey.

curlywurlylover666 · 17/07/2023 20:40

OP, I'm sorry you're getting a bit of a hard time on here with some unhelpful comments. I hope people are trying to show you how much it costs, so to be frugal with your money.

I'm usually one for saying save tour money towards something like this, but I think you're situation feels different.

With regards your current state of mind and how bad your mental health is at present, I'd say book the holiday. £6k for 2 people on a 3 week holiday is not excessive and if its a place which might help you reframe your mind and get you feeling better, then go for it.

Get yourself in a good place. IVF is tough, you need to be mentally strong with a positive outlook and if the holiday helps then so be it.

Get yourself a referral for IVF on the NHS started, it can take time. And if you need to pay for a private round afterwards cross that bridge when you come to it. You never know you might not need it. Clinic's offer payment plans and they also do some sort of offer, such as 3 rounds for a set price etc.

But live for today and take that holiday. Get a mind reset before you embark on IVF which is gruelling both physically and mentally.

I wish you all the best and good luck with your decision x

letshaveachangeshallwe · 17/07/2023 20:41

Go on the holiday - it'll become more expensive and harder once you have a child. Go, relax, have fun.

Then look into clinics abroad. I went to Reprofit in Brno (Czech republic) it was phenomenal and (at the time) a full ICSI cycle was under £3000 including medication which they post to the UK. I was part of the infertility boards for years and many of us went abroad for excellent treatment. Just do your research. Good luck

mummyh2016 · 17/07/2023 20:44

At the start I was firmly along the lines of IVF but after reading that it should only take you 6 months to save back up I'd go for the holiday. Only thing I'd maybe say is are you best waiting to go on holiday until you're in a better place mentally? The last thing you want to do is spend £6k on a holiday and not enjoy it.

KEG05 · 17/07/2023 20:45

disney world op? If I were in your position I’d go on holiday. It’s your happy place. It will do you the world of good to spent the time with your partner in the place you love! It will help you heal from the past 2 years and also prepare you for what the next 2 years might have in front of you ❤️. You still have time before starting on your ivf journey. Best of luck xx

CaffeineAndCrochet · 17/07/2023 20:49

Another vote for the holiday. It's expensive but you have the money and it really sounds like you sound like you need a change of scenery.

FoodFann · 17/07/2023 20:51

I’d say go on the holiday. But I’m a tad concerned that you’ve said you’ve got it as cheap as poss, as it’s such a huge sum, if you’re doing it on the cheap, is it going to be enjoyable?

FiddleLeaf · 17/07/2023 20:53

I empathise (& have just finished my first round of ivf) but honestly, just get ivf started & as soon as you have your baby your mental health will improve.

The holiday is not important if you’re willing to go 5 years without it.

Also, check out Access Fertility for various finance options for IVF.

ReachForTheMars · 17/07/2023 21:00

Without sugarcoating, I dont think an expensive trip down a grief-strewn memory lane will help you when you are feeling down. It will scratch a wound that isnt healed.

Compromise and go for a cheap break somewhere new or dedicate an evening to photos, cooking a meal with memories etc.

In 2 years time, I dont think a painful holiday is something you will look back fondly on.

Sending a hug because I know my post reads nasty and I honestly dont mean it to, I am sorry for what you are going through.

Creepyrosemary · 17/07/2023 21:47

Ordinarily I'd say go for the IVF so you don't regret missing your chance if you end up childless, but since you can save up for IVF quite quickly I think the holiday might be nice to have now. You're young enough to still be able to have quite a couple of IVF procedures. My 2nd procedure, 5th and last embryo was the winner, so it took us a while as well. It's such a roller coaster emotionally, do you have a therapist coaching you through this? It might be helpful to have that little bit of extra support.