How close are you really to your siblings?

[Ann3216]

I’ve wondered often about this. People seem to be really close on tv and films etc. (I know not really life!). I have 3 siblings all older than me. I talk to two of them often, like 4/5 times in the week. But I don’t think we’re close in the sense that I see others such as no one did any celebrations for each other like milestone birthdays, baby showers, hen do’s etc. there’s a big age gap between me and the other 3. I’m 8 years younger than the 3rd child. The other 3 have an age gap of 1 and 2 years between them.

DH too doesn’t seem close with his siblings. Rarely sees them.

I feel sad when I watch films and tv programmes and hear about others making plans with sisters etc.

hiw can I endure my kids grow up close?

I have 5 siblings, and I dont have any of their numbers. Speak to one on fb messenger and thats it.

I have 4 siblings and NC with every one of them. I come from an abusive and dysfunctional family.

My brother and my family would say we're close because we chat a few times a week but honestly I don't feel close to him, he never asks about my job, my hobbies, my DD, it's usually all about him and his wife.

I don’t have any contact with my siblings. Eldest brother is abusive and downright nasty. The others took his side. One has now tried to come back in contact as he’s aimed his bile at them now, but I have no interest.

Dh is very close to BIL. Actual contact depends on how busy they both are. Sometimes they see each other twice a week and sometimes it’s once a month.

MIL instigated a birthday meal thing. We do a birthday meal for her birthday and then for DHs and BILs as they are very close. It’s not compulsory as such, but she’s always had a “I like this so it would be nice for me if you made the effort”. That gives at least twice a year where they do something.

We do the same. Somewhat amusingly the three of mine that are at Uni (two in one city and one in another close by city to them) went out for a meal Together on MiLs birthday when they couldn’t come back because of the distance. I liked that and hope they stay close like that.

Not at all close. He’s 6 years younger than me and when he was small, he was an absolute bastard. I don’t even say that tongue in cheek, he was a truly horrible child. He used to physically attack me all of the time- various incidents like throwing nail polish all over my hair, metal toy cars straight at my head, hit me over the head with a pool cue etc. I hated him. I left home at 16 so he was only 10 and I haven’t had much contact with him as an adult.

He seems like a decent guy now though but I don’t have much to do with him. Not intentionally, I moved away so I barely see any of my family. DH isn’t close to his sister but she’s a drug addict so she’s pretty impossible to be around.

These days, very close, but there is a ten-year age gap and it didn't really happen until I was in my 20s. It helps that we enjoy the same things and have a similar outlook on life.

I don't think you can engineer relationships.

Not close to sister at all and never really have been. She was always a bully from childhood and from teens to 40s she is always in trouble mostly self created and the histrionics that comes with it is tiresome.

how can I endure my kids grow up close?

I don't think you can. Some people just don't get on with other people or certain people. It doesn't matter if you are related or not.

Plus I think if you don't have something in common, other than purely being siblings, it makes it a lot harder.

You cant force the issue.

Things can happen to you in life. Trauma. Or something that widens your horizons that your siblings don't understand....

I'm not at all close to my brother. No bad feelings and we get on fine when we see each other, but he doesn't put an ounce of effort into maintaining any kind of relationship with me and frankly I can't be bothered to do all the work!

You can't control your children's future relationship with each other.

What will be will be.

My parents pushed me and my elder brother (6 years older) together throughout our childhood, but we had nothing in common. We're virtual strangers now. Just send eachother Xmas and Birthday cards and maybe a brief chat on the phone or via Facebook messenger once a year. We've never fallen out as such, but we have very different lives, nothing in common, and just don't feel a need to get together, even though he only lives half an hour away.

My husband is the same with his sister. They live 10 minutes away, but besides Xmas and birthday cards and the odd phone call or text, they never get together. She moved around 10 years ago and he's never even been inside her new home! Again, no fall outs nor arguments, just different lives and nothing in common.

There's nothing either set of parents could have done to make our respective relationships with our siblings any better. It is what it is.

I think the best you can do is give them their freedom (i.e. don't force them together to do things), and ensure equality in everything you do for them and everything you give them, so that one won't feel the other is the favourite. When planning activities, find things that are suitable for both, or do different things aimed at each child, again, equally, so one day at a zoo for one child and one day at a museum for the other (if that's what they want to do).

I’d say spend time with them individually and bolster their individual talents and passions. Try to treat them fairly to the point that it’s obvious to all.

My sister has classic middle child syndrome, she has made me (the youngest) the recipient of her anger and jealousy all of our lives.

Even as a child I would wince if my mum or dad praised me and she saw it or heard, as I knew I would pay for it later.

Her resentment is root-deep, nothing will ever dislodge it. She will never see that she ruled over me, she always got the front seat of the car, the first try on a new toy. My parents didn’t attempt to curb her resentment, they just gave in to her, so it remains today.

Even now as middle aged women, although I provide the bulk of parental care, she sees herself as the long-suffering, hardworking daughter and me as the flighty interloper who stole her portion of affection from our parents.

I honestly think she would be happier if I were dead.

I don’t have any siblings, but my DH and BIL have what I think is an odd relationship. They aren’t friends in the traditional sense of the word. They have nothing in common and go months without speaking. But there’s a lot of love and loyalty there - a real brotherly bond. If one of them needs help from the other they drop everything to make it happen.

I am close with my sister but more so up until my 20s, she moved abroad and I see her maybe every 2 years in person, we FaceTime maybe monthly or less.

I used to be really close to my brother, but in the last few years he's got married and we've drifted apart a bit.

She is now his immediate family and priority and I perhaps see tham a couple of times a year. That's not a dig at his wife (who is lovely and who makes him very happy) and is perhaps as it should be.

I love my sisters, but live really far away, so only see them about once a year or so. It pains my heart that I can’t do sister-y stuff with them like go out shopping or for coffee etc. And they can get together easily, but I can’t join in. I do have a group chat that goes on non stop.

My brothers I’m not as close to. I’ve always tried to make an effort, but it’s not really reciprocated so as I’ve aged I don’t try as hard.

So far my three kids are fairly close, although very different. I hope they stay friends as they age.

We don't live in each h other's pockets but we care about each other, keep in touch and look forward to seeing each other and would share out lottery winnings with them if I ever struck big.

Used to be fairly close, now barely swop messages and have no friends in common any more. Am actually closer to cousins than sibling.

Not really close at all, I only see him if we are both visiting parents at the same time. He is 10 years younger and annoyed the fuck out of me growing up - it’s actually the main reason I don’t want children 😂 All I wanted was peace and quiet as a teenager, instead had to live with a screaming toddler!

We get on fine now but don’t really have anything in common, he’s at uni and I work and live in a different town. We have our own completely different lives and interests.