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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How close are you really to your siblings?

93 replies

Ann3216 · 17/07/2023 11:24

I’ve wondered often about this. People seem to be really close on tv and films etc. (I know not really life!). I have 3 siblings all older than me. I talk to two of them often, like 4/5 times in the week. But I don’t think we’re close in the sense that I see others such as no one did any celebrations for each other like milestone birthdays, baby showers, hen do’s etc. there’s a big age gap between me and the other 3. I’m 8 years younger than the 3rd child. The other 3 have an age gap of 1 and 2 years between them.

DH too doesn’t seem close with his siblings. Rarely sees them.

I feel sad when I watch films and tv programmes and hear about others making plans with sisters etc.

hiw can I endure my kids grow up close?

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 17/07/2023 13:10

You can’t ensure your children will be close . One of my sisters is my best friend, we speak most days and go out a lot together . She is much closer to my older sister than I am , although we are friendly . My adult son is very close to both of them , my adult daughter not so much .

Gratedpotato · 17/07/2023 13:12

I dont think its something you can ensure for your children, aside from avoiding things that often cause rifts in sibling relationships, like pitting them against each other constantly or comparing them unfavourably to each other. Otherwise it just seems to come down to whether they end up in similar places and they like each other enough to maintain a relationship.

I get on really well with my siblings but I am much closer to the two who live near to me and have children of similar ages because we have so much in common that it is so easy for our lives to interlink. We see each other all the time and the cousins all mix together.
I love my other siblings and we got on very well when we meet up. But its a lot less frequent.
Like my youngest brother and I will message on (or near) each others birthdays but I might not see him every year because he lives in another country and our 10 year age gap meant we didn't even really grow up together and he can't remember living with me. I love him and I care about him but we are not close and thats fine. There is no animosity and I imagine if we ended up living closer we would build a closer relationship again.

Iloveanicegarden · 17/07/2023 13:18

Well, that was a revelation! It seems that our family is not that different after all. Nieces that have fallen out, SIL has regular fall outs with her sisters, niece's DH is NC with his sibling, other DH's P is NC with his parents and I was NC with mine......so just a regular family then.

WickedSerious · 17/07/2023 13:25

I have one sister,I've seen her once this year and I doubt I'll see her again before Christmas Eve.
That's quite enough for me.

hopeishere · 17/07/2023 13:29

I only have one sister and we are close.

DH has a sister and brother. They don't get on. DH is currently no / low contact with them both. They're stuck in childhood roles and can't treat each other like adults. His sister can be like Kevin the teenager! It's exhausting trying to navigate it as a third party!

QueenCamilla · 17/07/2023 13:31

I have a twin brother. We're not close at all. We shared a womb, then a birthday, then a cot, a bunk, a bedroom... From college onwards we just went our separate ways. Basically there's a stranger in another country who looks like a tubbier version of me. 😳

Mary46 · 17/07/2023 13:36

Not overly close all girls. Different life stages too. I envy close families. My friends have a sister they not close either. Maybe its rare close families lol

ArcticBells · 17/07/2023 13:41

I speak to my sisters every week but it's often an effort. We close because we're siblings but I wouldn't be friends with them if we weren't related.

DandelionBurdockAndGin · 17/07/2023 13:44

Not at all close to my siblings but that's as much them as me - and not helped by parents attitude mother wants everything though her - I've tried to get around that and forge own relationship but never been reciprocated and as they make little effort with my kids I've pretty much given up.

My own parents aren't close to sibling one due to marriage other due to emigration - IL would say they were but not really lots of point scoring and very few actual interactions - DH is wary about his uncles - DH is an only child.

I had my children close together encouraged interest in each other lives - they seem to get on whether that will be enough to have any kind of relationship in adulthood no idea.

Creepyrosemary · 17/07/2023 13:51

We used to be close but it's less now. I'm not sure if it's because of busy families and middle age or because he's becoming a strict religious nut case. Still love him loads though.

itsmyp4rty · 17/07/2023 13:53

Never got on and not close at all. Same for OH.

Maddy70 · 17/07/2023 13:56

I moved to a different country so that has made it more challenging but we get on fine

Soakitup37 · 17/07/2023 14:10

I’m one of 7 and vv close to my siblings with a wide age range . I consider them part of my best friend group - any we get together whenever we can, we chat a lot and I’d do anything for any one of them.

I appreciate that’s quite unusual but I feel so lucky with my lot.

BounceyB · 17/07/2023 14:21

I get on okay with my sister now but very superficially. I don't trust her because she has been really nasty in the past and she thinks she's God's gift. My ex-h used to think she was a narcissist and I can see why he thought that. Once my mum dies I'm not sure we'll stay in touch at all. A colleague of mine used to work with her and she made it obvious she wasn't a fan.

Curseofthenation · 17/07/2023 14:29

I would go to the ends of the earth for my sisters. If they called me and said they needed me then I'd come running. However, they aren't great at maintaining regular contact. So it's a very deep connection but very low maintenance!

We were much closer up until our early 20s. We travelled together and have done a few breaks etc over the years. I sometimes wish we spoke more but I can't change the fact they aren't chatty people.

superplumb · 17/07/2023 14:30

1 older sister. Hard work who has convinced herself we had a awful childhood ( we didnt). Last saw around o years ago when my eldest was 6 weeks old. She hasn't seen him since or my youngest 7 year old.

Mamai90 · 17/07/2023 14:32

I'm really close to my sister she's my only sibling and we are best friends, we even have the same friendship circle and always have but we clashed a lot as teens even though we were close, we get on brilliantly now and rarely argue (probably the odd bicker once a year if that).

DH has one sister, they are close too and I'm very close to my SIL. I think a lot of it is down to personality and how close of a family you come from. I'm from a huge Irish family and all the cousins are close, my Dad has 9 siblings and they are super tight, my Mum is an only but she's close to he cousins and I consider them aunts/uncles.

I can't imagine my kids not growing up close. Both DH and I are easy going people,and our kids are likely to be the same. DHs Dad is quite highly strung and he and his siblings fall out a lot, for years, they are all of similar temperament so I think that plays a huge part whereas his Mum is very laid back and close to her 7 siblings. It really depends on their personality.

jackstini · 17/07/2023 14:34

My dsis is my best friend
Always been close apart from a couple of years age 10/12

DH has 2 brothers, close-ish to the older one, not really at all with the younger

Gatehouse77 · 17/07/2023 14:38

My siblings and I are very close in age and relationship. Because of certain family situations we've been united against a common 'enemy' at various stages but we also spend time together and make the effort to do so.
It's not all roses and we still argue and piss each other off at times. One key factor though is that I'm the only one with a family. They're all single although one was married at one point.

Paxosnaxos · 17/07/2023 14:44

We are close enough, live in the same city and speak very regularly. One of them I see weekly, the other every 3 or 4 weeks.
My mother however has made such a big deal of ‘family’ and ‘being close’ that we would probably have been closer earlier without her interventions

erikbloodaxe · 17/07/2023 14:44

I'm very close to my eldest sister. 8yr gap. I adore her and her me. She is my person and life would be much smaller without her. We talk most days.

Other 4 siblings I don't bother with at all. They are close with each other though.

cptartapp · 17/07/2023 14:44

My brother lives a hour away. I haven't seen him in two years. We have never really got on - he was a bully growing up and I can't forgive and forget it. You don't get rewarded with a sibling relationship for that behaviour.
No other siblings and parents deceased.

mindutopia · 17/07/2023 14:56

I have an older half brother. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 20+ years. I only vaguely know what country he lives in from Facebook stalking out of curiosity. We were not close when I was growing up (he was an adult) and I've never had any desire to have any sort of relationship with him as a grown up (plus he was a manipulative arse when our dad died).

Dh and his brother hated each other until they were around 18. Now they are very close. Only see each other a few times a year as do not live close, but speak most days.

There's nothing you can do other than to give them a stable, happy, loving home, which will make it more likely they'll have close times to their family generally. Some siblings are very similar and close (like dh and his bro) and some are like oil/water but can get along at family gatherings - both are fine.

nokidshere · 17/07/2023 14:58

I have 5 sisters. We get on fine. 2 live abroad so we see them rarely, the rest of us scattered around Uk and see each other occasionally. But we all speak every day on messenger or via FaceTime. And we all help each other out instantly if there are any problems.

BubblinTrouble · 17/07/2023 15:00

We’re quite close. Speak daily mostly about the kids and how they are. We see each other once a week with the kids too.

DH rarely talks to his older siblings (4 years and 8 years older than him). No falling out just distance. His family are 3 hours away and when he goes back it’s very busy and full on so he tries to keep it quiet when he’s visiting. 4 siblings in total but he does speak to his sister daily via a WhatsApp group that I’m also on with DH, SIL, MIL and myself. The chat is mainly what we’re eating or updates on the kids!

We try and go back to see his family twice a year and that’s when he will catch up with siblings.

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