How close are you really to your siblings?

[Ann3216]

I’ve wondered often about this. People seem to be really close on tv and films etc. (I know not really life!). I have 3 siblings all older than me. I talk to two of them often, like 4/5 times in the week. But I don’t think we’re close in the sense that I see others such as no one did any celebrations for each other like milestone birthdays, baby showers, hen do’s etc. there’s a big age gap between me and the other 3. I’m 8 years younger than the 3rd child. The other 3 have an age gap of 1 and 2 years between them.

DH too doesn’t seem close with his siblings. Rarely sees them.

I feel sad when I watch films and tv programmes and hear about others making plans with sisters etc.

hiw can I endure my kids grow up close?

I've a half brother who I was never close to, but now NC which is quite a relief as he's a horrible human.

I used to get on really well with my brother but he’s too busy and important to bother with me or his nephew and niece now. They only live about 90 minutes away, but we only see his family twice a year (I invite him to birthdays but he never replies) and even then I don’t talk to him, I catch up with his kids instead.

I've never fallen out with my brother and we get on fine when we happen to meet at my mums but we rarely interact on a one to one basis. The ocassional text but not chatting just asking a specific question for example. We just lead separate lives.

My kids are super close right now, I hope they have a closer relationship as adults than me and my brother.

I'm close to my brother. See each other lots and talk lots. Know we are always there for each other

Very close to my sister, she's a year older than me. Speak every day and meet up on weekends, sometimes in the week. Myself and DH regularly go on weekend trips with my sister and her partner.

My brother not so close to, but we've always got each other's backs and I know I can call on him if needed.

I see my brother 3 or 4 times a year for a couple of hours each, we live about 20 miles apart. Chat on the phone averaging once a month.
We always got on in terms of having similar taste in music and sense of humour but we've taken very different paths in life.
He's a (recovering ?) drug addict with no money and it's frustrating always paying for lunch/coffee or drinks when we meet.
I love him but I do keep him at arm's length. He's only met my daughter (5) twice and I can't see us getting any closer.

I love my siblings to bits but close? No. We all bounce off each other after a few hours together so it doesn't happen very often (we live 100-300 miles apart).

My big sister died when she was 49. I was 8 years younger. I feel so sad that we weren't closer. I don't really have many childhood/teenage memories of her.

Not close at all.

I see my DB about 8 times a year, mostly at birthdays, Easter and Christmas. We Whatsapp probably once a week or a bit less. It’s fine, I love him but we are very different people and don’t actually have anything in common. We have each others back though, we’d do anything for each other. But we don’t really socialise and when our parents have passed away we will likely not see each other often.

DH is completely NC with his 2 siblings, has been for 30 years. There was no issue specifically but they were moved abroad and gradually lost all contact (DH was left in UK-long story).

My mum isn’t close to her sister though, and my Dad almost never sees his brother so perhaps it’s learned behaviour. There’s no issue between them but they live a long way away and have nothing in common.

DD is an only and I think that’s no bad thing!

I was really close to my brother growing up.

Now NC as he basically spoke about me to my cheating abusive ExH (in a non complimentary way).

Also db slagged me off to a friend of his, who was a mutual friend of Ex, who kindly repeated everything. (Both claim a "moral high ground" as devout Christians, high up in their respective Churches).

Also they haven't bothered with birthday or Christmas presents for my DC for the past few years, despite I never not bought gifts for my niece / nephew.

Also last gift they gave one of my DC was a regift from another family member. (They were the one to tell me as they were quite upset themselves).

You can't ensure it and imo shouldn't try. Me and sis get on much better now our late mum isn't trying to force it all the time. We still have little in common and disagree on many important moral and political issues, and aren't friends really.

We ok Im one of 3. Our mother is big work so alot of stress is caused by her. 80s. We good at minute (all girls)

A very superficial but cordial relationship - we are very different people.

Not close at all, don't live in the same country. My husband has 6 siblings and is very close to all of them which I think is lovely. I have some friends who have siblings as their best friends and share the same social groups. It's nice when families are close but there's no guarantees they will be.

Im closer with my younger sister than i am with my older sister and half brother,
My db is quite odd really, he hasnt had any contact with me for years, He had some contact with my younger ds but then took offence at something and now is nc with her.
I love my younger ds, she is the one i turn to in a crisis and vice versa,

We have a if you need me call me and we will fix whatever it is together, if you’re good that’s good don’t call. Kinda relationship.

I could probably count on both hands how much my children have seen him and my oldest is 14. I’m not fussed and nor is he, no falling out just his him and I’m me.

My dh and his sister omg I used to swear she would sit in his pocket if possible, used to message him every day about what she was having for dinner or asking what he was. Would call him at work for bugger all reason just to chat and be mad if he didn’t answer. It was totally to much, he would moan to me about it yet still respond, then when he started ignoring her messages it was apparently my fault 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I didn't go to my brother's wedding, but would love to go to his funeral.

If you want your children to be close then raise them properly but accept that may not be enough. A lot of my hatred for my brother is because he was an abusive bully, but clever enough not to get caught. My parents refused to believe me when I tried to tell them so I stopped trying. My best advice is be on the lookout for abuse and don't use a lack of evidence as a reason not to come down like a ton of bricks when allegations are made.

I was close to my brother as children, there's less than 2 years between us...I'm older.
We drifted apart a bit as teenagers and in our 20s but closer now, we get on and talk maybe once a week, message in between.

However the problem is he's a (recovering?) drug addict. He doesn't see my DD. He texts me regularly asking for money, same to my parents and I don't respect him. Also if we ever go out for a meal/coffee. I always have to pay for everything and it gets tiresome.
So I see him maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

My partner is very close to his siblings, they are like best friends.
It's so variable.

I have one sibling. We aren’t close. My childhood was pretty toxic. Every one for themselves and a parent who liked drama, triangulating and creating division. We’ve never been able to overcome it consistently. I just feel that she doesn’t particularly like or respect me and can’t forgive me for how she feels I wronged her as a child. It’s fine, I have come to terms with it. We have a laugh when we see each other and if she needed me I’d be there like a shot but that’s it really. My kids seem very close, they spend a lot of time together and probably argue about three times a year, if that. I really hope that remains the case. I’d be sad if anything came between them.

My brother and I get on fine, have never fallen out or anything but very rarely spend time together unless it's at our parents' house. Also never chat on the phone, ocassional WhatsApp messages.

I haven't spoken to my brother in 13 years. My husband speaks to one sibling r every few months but hasn't seen the other for 5 plus years.
My ex was so close to his brother (still living together in their late 40s) that I used to be convinced people assumed he was his lover not brother 😂

My brother doesn’t even read my texts…

I don't see my sisters very often usually, and the nearest one lives 2 hours from me. We don't share many interests and we don't speak on the phone very often. However I think we are very close despite that. I was diagnosed with cancer in May and despite the distance and other important commitments they have both come to stay and help out at particularly difficult times, and have popped down for a couple of hours at other times, despite the journey time being twice the time they are able to spend with me. We also keep in touch by text very often. I know they are rooting for me and that I am in their thoughts, as they are in mine.
I don't think being 'close' necessarily equates to the amount of time you spend with each other or how often you speak.
My XH used to tell me I wasn't close to my sisters because we weren't popping into each others houses all the time (a geographical impossibility) but we really are. (He was an arse, hence the X)

Not close at all, barely speak. Same for DH and his siblings.

Not seen or spoken to him for 21 years
No rift as such but after my DM died, he stopped answering my calls, so I left it to him to get in touch... Still waiting
6 years older and we were never close so it's his loss