To ask DH to try on outfits before trip

[BreadsNRoses]

DH and I are going on a two-week trip around different places in Japan and are each taking only one carryon bag. So every outfit needs to be chosen wisely. I asked him to try on outfits before the trip to see what would be best to pack and if we needed to buy him anything else (like no-show socks, another t-shirt, etc). He thought it was unreasonable to do a “fashion show” trying on each outfit before packing to see what works and what we needed to buy. Am I being unreasonable?

He brought up the idea of putting this to a vote. If you vote YABU, he never needs to try on outfits before a trip again. If you vote YANBU, he should check his outfits before trips.

this may also be a useful option to keep in mind @BreadsNRoses

https://www.jrailpass.com/blog/transporting-luggage-forwarding#:~:text=Luggage%20can%20be%20held%20for,may%20cost%20around%20%C2%A51%2C900.

He’s told you he doesn’t want wardrobe help ahead of the trip. Why aren’t you listening to him? And absolutely I don’t do things for my partner that he’s explicitly told me I don’t want him to do, and vice versa. That makes a normal adult romantic relationship.

This. If he really struggled with this sort of thing and had asked for your help it would be one thing. My DP for example asks me to help him choose work clothes because left to his own devices he would wear football strip and novelty film t shirts and he has no innate sense of professional clothing. But if I sought to influence his choice of leisure wear he would tell me to do one.

As it is it just comes across as you mothering and fussing over him which from my perspective is the antithesis of what a romantic relationship should be about.

I voted YANBU on the basis that you seem to be involved in helping him pack.

That said, I think he should be responsible for his own packing, in which case he can do what he likes.

pictoosh
I agree with you on different strokes for different folks.
I like to plan my holiday capsule and DH doesn't.

What amazes me is how many posters seem to have appointed themselves into a mother role where they approve their husbands' outfits, check his t shirts, ensure he has the right type of socks etc. It doesn't seem like a spouse/romantic partner dynamic. I'd feel like I was nagging a teenager getting DH to prove to me his t shirts adequately coordinate.

You sound like his mum, OP. He's a grown man. I don't understand why you would even want to be the manager of his clothes and socks ... I have no idea when my husband needs new socks because it's not my job to know. He also packs his own bags when we travel. Wild, I know.

But I am truly curious about your reasoning: why can't he manage this on hiw own?

Well if he's never been allowed to do it all by himself, he might not have learned how to.

Has he changed weight ?
If so it's a sensible thing to do.

I thought you were being a bit mad when I read the OP but, thinking about it, I always ask DP to try on his swim shorts etc a couple of weeks before a holiday to make sure they still fit.

You have said your piece now, so let him take responsibility for himself. If anything doesn't fit, he'll just have less to choose from when you're away.

I don’t think men do that. But I always try on & take photos, then I know what I will wear each day & night. I don’t have to travel light but I can do 12kg for 2 weeks with mixing & matching. You’ll be able to get your laundry done there if you wanted to take more stuff. Plus you can send your luggage ahead of you.

I voted YABU. But not because I think you are wrong to audit your outfits carefully, as you've described. I agree that this is needed. I voted YABU because it's not your place to manage this for him. If he doesn't want to take up your offer, that's his right and if he has the wrong stuff, that's on him.

Just, will you say I told you so?

I don’t try on outfits when I pack, so I think your method is more personal preference than practical.

I think he's a grown up who gets to choose his own clothes, do his own packing and live with the consequences if he gets it wrong.

She can't send her luggage ahead if she's touring around the country, realistically.

I think you should just leave him to it. If, for whatever reason, he then has problems it's absolutely down to him to resolve without blaming you, or causing you any problems on your holiday. 🌹

Thank you! And thanks everyone for the traveling tips.

Yes, we’ll be touring around and going to a remote island. Should be an adventure!

Sorry I think this is bonkers. I pack in a matter of minutes and this would just irritate me. Why drag out a task that could take minutes into something that takes days/weeks?
It’s not necessary, he’s an adult and is capable of packing his own clothes. It doesn’t require 2 people to organise one adults clothes for a holiday.
I do hope you have a lovely time but curating ‘outfits’ is a waste of life 😂

I bet your DH was smug as hell when you showed him the results of this thread 😂

Are you going to Mirajima? (Sp?)

I want the DH to post.

This whole thing is ridiculous. And the amount of people on here who agree with the OP. So many controlling people about.

Is it your DH or your young child you're talking about op? If DH , you're being ridiculously controlling to the extent that I assume it's a joke. If it is your DH, is he unable to dress himself, does he not know what clothes fit him, what he likes... ? So bizarre to be so invested in what another adult child chooses to bring on holidays