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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to try on outfits before trip

171 replies

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 21:15

DH and I are going on a two-week trip around different places in Japan and are each taking only one carryon bag. So every outfit needs to be chosen wisely. I asked him to try on outfits before the trip to see what would be best to pack and if we needed to buy him anything else (like no-show socks, another t-shirt, etc). He thought it was unreasonable to do a “fashion show” trying on each outfit before packing to see what works and what we needed to buy. Am I being unreasonable?

He brought up the idea of putting this to a vote. If you vote YABU, he never needs to try on outfits before a trip again. If you vote YANBU, he should check his outfits before trips.

OP posts:
Lovingitallnow · 16/07/2023 23:19

We had a big trip, limited space and no washing machine and I made DH outfit plan. Otherwise he'd end up pissed off that he had one pair of shorts that only went with one t-shirt and he'd already worn it rendering the shorts useless. Or he'd plan express dry cleaning one pair of shorts but forget he was supposed to and then wear them the wrong day and not have time for them to be cleaned and worn again. So for my sanity I insisted on that one holiday that he plan out the full 7 days complete with sequence so he could plan in "I'll just get that washed" etc. ordinarily I don't care if he ends up with 10 pairs of shorts of various colours and patterns he never wears and one navy pair that are washed on practically a daily basis. But since space was tight I took the head ache on at home instead of on holidays.

minipie · 16/07/2023 23:20

I’ll buy him things he needs online (new pair of shoes for work when the old ones start to look ratty, etc) so he doesn’t have to go to the store.

ah ok, this explains a lot.

Howdoyouknowwhitney · 16/07/2023 23:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

beetr00 · 16/07/2023 23:22

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 23:03

How does this list imply that?

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He just needs to choose his co-ordinating colours?

Puppyseahorse · 16/07/2023 23:23

Very odd. What do you mean, ‘if we needed to buy him something else?’ Do you buy his clothes?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 16/07/2023 23:23

I can't believe you buy his work shoes for him 😳

VeniVidiWeeWee · 16/07/2023 23:26

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 22:48

Isn’t it normal to try on outfits and do a bit of planning before going on a big expensive trip?? I agree it’s logical to plan like this to try to prevent overpacking. I thought that was common sense! Some of the replies on this thread are bizarre.

Show quote history

No, I know which of my clothes currently fit me; which will fit into a specific sized bag, and what suits me.

If you were my wife I would, through gritted teeth, thank you for your input, and then completly ignore you.

ThoseClementineShoes · 16/07/2023 23:30

YABU.

I do this - try things on, see what works. I find it really helpful. But I’d never make DH. He can decide what he wants to take and what works in whatever way he likes. And he wouldn’t choose my way. And that’s ok!

pizzaHeart · 16/07/2023 23:31

I think it’s normal to do planning and to try clothes on especially if some of the clothes is new or the holiday requires more effort in appearance or you haven’t worn clothes for a while. I tried my last year summer dresses before my holiday and they are a bit tight so I was glad I checked. DH got himself a new shirt so tried it on with his holiday shorts to make sure they look good together. It’s not always obvious unless you are just pairing t shirts of similar colours with the same jeans.
I don’t think you are over invested either, you want both of you to look good on your holiday.

BarbaraofSeville · 16/07/2023 23:31

Out of interest OP, when is this trip?

What would happen if some Japanese people saw that your DH was wearing socks?

Confusion101 · 16/07/2023 23:35

Normal to plan: yes
Necessary to try on: no

You can plan your outfits without trying them on, or bring X number of tops and X number of bottoms knowing all the tops match all the bottoms... (does anyone else's OH only wear black and blue anyway? 🤣)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/07/2023 23:39

KittytheHare · 16/07/2023 21:28

Seriously, if my husband asked me to do this I would have a major strop. He's a grown man - if his outfits 'don't work' that's his problem. I think that sounds really controlling on your part.

Not necessarily controlling but quite infantizing. Perhaps he is very disorganized etc.

If he can't be trusted to pack and packs wrong and has to buy replacement clothes there, would this come out of a joint budget or just his 'fun money'? If joint then you should have a say, if second then leave him to deal with the consequences of his actions but he's not allowed to moan if his only swimming trunks are now too small etc

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/07/2023 23:40

BarbaraofSeville · 16/07/2023 23:31

Out of interest OP, when is this trip?

What would happen if some Japanese people saw that your DH was wearing socks?

😂😂

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/07/2023 23:42

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/07/2023 23:13

I'm sorry I know this is meant to be slightly lighthearted but I think its unbelievably controlling to insist someone try out outfits before a trip. He's a grown man not a child, let him make his own choices.

I would say it depends whose budget new clothes would come out of if he has a history of messing up and needs to buy expensive new trainers etc in Japan- if OP would be footing the bill from
Joint budget then she does get a say.

How ever he also does need to learn to be an adult.

Original poster
BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 23:55

Lovingitallnow · 16/07/2023 23:19

We had a big trip, limited space and no washing machine and I made DH outfit plan. Otherwise he'd end up pissed off that he had one pair of shorts that only went with one t-shirt and he'd already worn it rendering the shorts useless. Or he'd plan express dry cleaning one pair of shorts but forget he was supposed to and then wear them the wrong day and not have time for them to be cleaned and worn again. So for my sanity I insisted on that one holiday that he plan out the full 7 days complete with sequence so he could plan in "I'll just get that washed" etc. ordinarily I don't care if he ends up with 10 pairs of shorts of various colours and patterns he never wears and one navy pair that are washed on practically a daily basis. But since space was tight I took the head ache on at home instead of on holidays.

Better to plan beforehand than have a headache when you’d rather be enjoying yourself.

OP posts:
Original poster
BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 23:59

pizzaHeart · 16/07/2023 23:31

I think it’s normal to do planning and to try clothes on especially if some of the clothes is new or the holiday requires more effort in appearance or you haven’t worn clothes for a while. I tried my last year summer dresses before my holiday and they are a bit tight so I was glad I checked. DH got himself a new shirt so tried it on with his holiday shorts to make sure they look good together. It’s not always obvious unless you are just pairing t shirts of similar colours with the same jeans.
I don’t think you are over invested either, you want both of you to look good on your holiday.

Yes, great point. It’s more important to try things on when they’re holiday clothing that doesn’t get worn in regular day-to-day and hasn’t been worn in a long time.

OP posts:
Original poster
BreadsNRoses · 17/07/2023 00:13

pizzaHeart · 16/07/2023 23:31

I think it’s normal to do planning and to try clothes on especially if some of the clothes is new or the holiday requires more effort in appearance or you haven’t worn clothes for a while. I tried my last year summer dresses before my holiday and they are a bit tight so I was glad I checked. DH got himself a new shirt so tried it on with his holiday shorts to make sure they look good together. It’s not always obvious unless you are just pairing t shirts of similar colours with the same jeans.
I don’t think you are over invested either, you want both of you to look good on your holiday.

Yes, exactly, it’s not always obvious without trying it on. And if we’re going to spend so much money to do this trip, why not put a little effort in?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 17/07/2023 00:26

BreadsNRoses · 17/07/2023 00:13

Yes, exactly, it’s not always obvious without trying it on. And if we’re going to spend so much money to do this trip, why not put a little effort in?

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Because he is a grown up? if you want to take a ball gown for every day you are there fine but he is not you!

ErrolTheDragon · 17/07/2023 00:30

Do men have 'outfits'?Confused

VeniVidiWeeWee · 17/07/2023 00:49

VeniVidiWeeWee · 16/07/2023 23:26

No, I know which of my clothes currently fit me; which will fit into a specific sized bag, and what suits me.

If you were my wife I would, through gritted teeth, thank you for your input, and then completly ignore you.

Show quote history

Controlling much?(

WallaceinAnderland · 17/07/2023 01:23

He's a big boy, he can pack what he needs for a trip. Just focus on yourself OP and let him do it his way.

LadyJ2023 · 17/07/2023 02:25

Lmao this sounds so controlling oh my I can just imagine my hubby's face if I said try on outfits lol. Nope of i want to try some fair enough but I would not demand hubby did lol

starfishmummy · 17/07/2023 02:57

QueSyrahSyrah · 16/07/2023 21:27

YANBU. We went away for a couple of nights city break recently and my trusty shorts had mysteriously shrunk over the winter definitely not my arse that has mysteriously expanded which ruled out 2 of my carefully curated outfits.

Try it all on OP's DH!

I agree that if there's a chance the clothes have shrunk then a trying on session would be sensible, but otherwise they don't need to be put in to know "what works".

exLtEveDallas · 17/07/2023 05:47

Mine tried on his 'holiday' shirts yesterday (short sleeve cotton shirts) and it's a good job he did, as 3 of them are now too tight around his biceps and would be uncomfortable in 40 degree heat. We also discovered the string is gone from one pair of shorts and the button from another. Good job he tried everything on, or he's have been pissed off on Saturday...

I don't think it's that odd OP. I do it, DH does it and so does DD. Maybe it's because we have specific holiday clothes rather than our everyday (or every summer) get-up.

Shoxfordian · 17/07/2023 05:53

He’s your husband not a child right? Is he really so incompetent that he can’t notice he needs new shoes and buy them himself? Wow.