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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to try on outfits before trip

171 replies

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 21:15

DH and I are going on a two-week trip around different places in Japan and are each taking only one carryon bag. So every outfit needs to be chosen wisely. I asked him to try on outfits before the trip to see what would be best to pack and if we needed to buy him anything else (like no-show socks, another t-shirt, etc). He thought it was unreasonable to do a “fashion show” trying on each outfit before packing to see what works and what we needed to buy. Am I being unreasonable?

He brought up the idea of putting this to a vote. If you vote YABU, he never needs to try on outfits before a trip again. If you vote YANBU, he should check his outfits before trips.

OP posts:
BillyNoM8s · 17/07/2023 06:00

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 22:26

Some men buy too much clothing and shoes and some would rather walk around in literal rags than go shopping. My DH is more in the latter category, which is totally fine. I’ll buy him things he needs online (new pair of shoes for work when the old ones start to look ratty, etc) so he doesn’t have to go to the store. Anyone else have a DH like this? I appreciate his frugality, but also like him to look smart. I wanted him to try things on before the trip (and not just pack everything the night before) in case it turns out we need to buy him something new before leaving.

This is not an appealing relationship dynamic.

I have to prod DH on admin stuff sometimes. I'm not buying him new school shoes and checking his socks Confused

The way you have described this whole scenario makes him sound like your 5 year old son. "I like him to look smart", "in case WE need to buy him something new before leaving".

mdinbc · 17/07/2023 06:13

I agree with your DH; no need for a fashion show. If he has not had any weight changes, then his clothes should fit.

In my household, it's my DH that is the advance packer. We are going on a road trip on the 26th; all his clothes are laid out on the spare bed, and he reminded me that I should start packing!

He will ask me to edit his packing though, since he is sometimes guilty of overpacking. He always leaves room in his suitcase for my extra shoes though, so I think I'll keep him!

Clymene · 17/07/2023 06:23

I have never tried on outfits before a trip. I just use my eyes.

pictoosh · 17/07/2023 06:28

If I requested this my dh would look at me like I had lost my mind. Try on outfits?
Ha ha...no.

whiteroseredrose · 17/07/2023 06:32

Cinnamope · 16/07/2023 21:28

Why are you taking one carry on for two weeks?

Because some of us have had our bags go AWOL once too often so keep our bags within sight.

CatsOnTheChair · 17/07/2023 06:34

Try. On. Outfits....
Nope. I have a limited wardrobe - like it sounds your DH does. I know what I can't wear when a bit heavier than I'd like.
Can't see any advantage to getting it all out and trying it on. I know what's there. I know what works. I know what fits. Sounds like a monumental waste of time, and not enjoyable either.
If it's something you want to do, go for it. Leave your husband to pak his own way.

Coolhwip · 17/07/2023 06:36

WandaWonder · 16/07/2023 23:13

How on earth does he having to try clothes on doing something for you?

This has to be a joke thread

Show quote history

Don’t be obtuse, she means buying him new clothes and shoes because he doesn’t care when they get tatty.

My DH buys me clothes and shoes he thinks I would like (adidas trainers, hoodies etc), and I do wear them.

whiteroseredrose · 17/07/2023 06:39

I wouldn't expect DH to try on, but he does get clothes out on the bed and work out what he'd wear for certain occasions. I try on because my weight varies.

Aprilx · 17/07/2023 06:40

For the sake of waiting twenty minutes for a suitcase to come out, I think you are being slightly odd in only taking carry on. But to your question, he is an adult and I would leave him to his packing. So YABU.

whatchagonnado · 17/07/2023 06:47

YABVU and a bit controlling OP. No way would I ask my DH to try on outfits before a trip and he would think I was bonkers if I did. He's an adult and capable of making his own decisions on clothes

Aprilx · 17/07/2023 06:50

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 21:53

Because we’ll be taking trains and ferries to different places and don’t want to have a lot to lug around. We’re each taking a rolling carryon size luggage and a “personal item” bag with a trolley strap that sits on top. Easy for getting around.

Show quote history

How is wheeling a carry on that much easier than wheeling a regular size suitcase? We traveled all over Japan by train with normal suitcases and it really wasn’t that hard. Also despite another posters comment, we didn’t have to make any special arrangements or book our luggage onto the train, we just wheeled it on same as anywhere else. I also done recall a laundrettes in every hotel as somebody else mentioned and don’t really fancy spending my holiday looking for laundrettes. It is just making life hard for yourself, probably for the sake of trying to look like a cool traveller. 🙄

roundtable · 17/07/2023 06:55

ErrolTheDragon · 17/07/2023 00:30

Do men have 'outfits'?Confused

My dh definitely does! 😄He loves shopping. I do think he may be an anomaly though.

I can see both sides op. It makes sense to check everything fits okay but my dh likes me to 'fashion show' clothes I've bought. It does my head in and I hate it. He loves prancing around in whatever new hoodie or shirt he's bought though. I think it's a personality thing.

I'm towards dh checking things fit/aren't broken before he goes though. Even I will do that begrudgingly.

Have a lovely holiday!

reallyworriedjobhunter · 17/07/2023 07:02

You are acting like his Mum.

He is an adult and can pack a bag and choose what he wants to wear.

LolaSmiles · 17/07/2023 07:03

Who are all these men who need to have their wife-mothers dressing them, approving their holiday outfits, and making sure that their husband-child has got the right socks, considered the laundry situation, has the right t shirts and so on? They're not 12.

DH would laugh in my face if I asked him to try all his holiday clothes on so I can check them and approve his t shirt choice, and rightly so!

RampantIvy · 17/07/2023 07:14

DH's T-shirts, shirts and shorts are all neutral colours so he doesn't have to consider whether they "go with" each other. He isn't a fashion icon and has no interest in his appearance other than being clean, shaved and with tidy hair.

I might buy him the odd T-shirt but otherwise we don't buy each other clothes. We both need to try things on, especially footwear so we just don't randomly buy each other clothes or trainers.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 17/07/2023 07:15

Is this your DH - or your teen DS?

If your DH - it's up to him surely. If he hasn't packed the right stuff or if he's packed too much you pay extra bags, that's his responsibility. He's an adult?

pictoosh · 17/07/2023 07:17

LolaSmiles · 17/07/2023 07:03

Who are all these men who need to have their wife-mothers dressing them, approving their holiday outfits, and making sure that their husband-child has got the right socks, considered the laundry situation, has the right t shirts and so on? They're not 12.

DH would laugh in my face if I asked him to try all his holiday clothes on so I can check them and approve his t shirt choice, and rightly so!

See I'm the same.

But. Different strokes for different folks. Our holiday packing involves outdoor kit in the main. We're not arsed about looking smart or coordinated. The stuff gets worn and used all year round and is replaced when needed. We're scruffs.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 17/07/2023 07:18

You sound bonkers @OP. Sorry!

Japan is a modern country. If your DH is short of a pair of "no show socks" he'll be able to buy some.

Leave him alone!

pictoosh · 17/07/2023 07:21

I did laugh at the "no show socks" comment in the OP. God forbid he be short of a pair and end up with his socks on display for all to see.

RampantIvy · 17/07/2023 07:27

Is it a cultural faux pas to have socks on show in Japan?

And is it just me that doesn't like "no show" socks on men?

DH is 71 and would look ridiculous with trainers and "no show" socks on.

The only time DH asks my advice when packing to go away is "do I need anything smart?"

Rheia1983 · 17/07/2023 07:33

pictoosh · 17/07/2023 07:21

I did laugh at the "no show socks" comment in the OP. God forbid he be short of a pair and end up with his socks on display for all to see.

I display my socks every chance I get. They have rubber duckies, cats, pandas, dogs and every other kind of motif on them! I even have socks with weed leaves on them courtesy of my sister that I wear to office😃

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 07:51

YABU. Of course it's sensible to think what to pack ahead of time (though the trying on may be a bit OTT unless it's clothes you don't wear often). He's an adult and his wardrobe and packing is for him to organise. It does sound like you mother him a bit if you're buying him shoes etc online, there's no reason why he can't do that himself.

My DH is similar and never sorts his clothes out before he needs them. It's meant he's had to rush out to the shops on the morning of a wedding to buy shoes. He's also realised his trousers don't fit him on the morning of a funeral and had to scour charity shops in the arse end of nowhere to find something suitable.

GoldDuster · 17/07/2023 11:14

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 23:08

He’ll do some things for me that I don’t like doing myself, like my taxes for instance. It’s give and take. Do you do nothing for your spouse? Are you like room mates who live next to each other and just happen to be married?

Show quote history

The choice isn't either manage your grown adult partners wardrobe down to the socks like a child, or, live next to each other like room mates. There is a middle way.

Regardless, you already have your answer, your DH has told you it's unreasonable. He doesn't want to do you a fashion show so that you can decide what he needs and get it for him. It's literally what you do for a child when they have had a growth spurt, and is absolutely unecessary in a romantic partner dynamic. The thought of this is so deeply unsexy I don't even know where to start.

If help hasn't been requested, it very easily tips over the line into control.

Coolhwip · 17/07/2023 11:22

Aprilx · 17/07/2023 06:40

For the sake of waiting twenty minutes for a suitcase to come out, I think you are being slightly odd in only taking carry on. But to your question, he is an adult and I would leave him to his packing. So YABU.

People upthread have explained that carry on luggage is much easier when travelling around Japan. I.e. you need to book luggage space for big suitcases in bullet trains but you don’t need to for carry on luggage

TropicalTrama · 17/07/2023 11:49

BreadsNRoses · 16/07/2023 23:08

He’ll do some things for me that I don’t like doing myself, like my taxes for instance. It’s give and take. Do you do nothing for your spouse? Are you like room mates who live next to each other and just happen to be married?

Show quote history

Presumably you asked or he offered and you accepted the help with the taxes.

He’s told you he doesn’t want wardrobe help ahead of the trip. Why aren’t you listening to him? And absolutely I don’t do things for my partner that he’s explicitly told me I don’t want him to do, and vice versa. That makes a normal adult romantic relationship.

It’s not the way I’d do it but you would not be unreasonable to say that if he wants to check his wardrobe and let you know if he needs anything ahead of the trip because you can pick it up. The unreasonable bit is where he’s declined your offer and you haven’t just immediately dropped it.