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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Prepared for a flaming! WABU?

151 replies

Moonandme123 · 16/07/2023 19:26

This is a long time coming. I often think about talking about it on here as I can’t decide if I was unreasonable. I will leave some info out so as not to out myself!
My husband was due to work as a videographer at his brothers wedding. The night before me and DH had a huge row and he hit me. I called the police and they put him in a cell overnight. I then called MIL and explained (BIL was at her house) and said it was unlikely that he would be out in time for the wedding ( he had also been aggressive to the police when arrested) so he would not be able to come to the wedding and do the filming. She shouted at me and was really nasty.
Now none of DH family speak to me as I apparently ruined the wedding. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NegativNancy · 16/07/2023 19:27

Stupid, horrible lot. You did exactly the right thing. What ridiculous priorities they have.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 16/07/2023 19:29

No you aren't. It sounds like the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. You are starting divorce proceedings, right (?l) so what does it matter if your bat shit soon to be ex inlaws think you were unreasonable?

Northernsouloldies · 16/07/2023 19:32

He's exactly where he deserves to be, in a police cell and court Monday.

Greenshake · 16/07/2023 19:34

I don’t understand posts like this. Why would you think you were being unreasonable?

JC89 · 16/07/2023 19:34

You are not the one who ruined the wedding (if indeed the wedding was ruined by not videoing it). And I agree with PP, you should at least be thinking about leaving him if he hits you (especially if this is not the only time).

5128gap · 16/07/2023 19:34

Your H ruined his brothers wedding video by committing a crime and getting himself locked up. Nothing to do with you other than that you were the victim.
I hope you're OK and on your way to being safe and free of this low life family.

Namechange863625 · 16/07/2023 19:36

Swap the D for X

Original poster
Moonandme123 · 16/07/2023 19:38

This was a year ago and they still don’t speak to me because I’m horrible and ruined the wedding. My own Mum said I shouldn’t have called police too

OP posts:
Lamelie · 16/07/2023 19:39

Are you still with him?

nocoolnamesleft · 16/07/2023 19:41

Your husband assaulted you. You were right to call the police. It was his illegal and aggressive act that landed him in a police cell, and not at the wedding. This was all on him. I do hope you are no longer together.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 16/07/2023 19:42

You are still together, aren't you from your update. Do you have options, as in somewhere to go?

ConnieTucker · 16/07/2023 19:43

You are only unreasonable if you are still married to him.

batsandeggs · 16/07/2023 19:43

He wants to act like a big stupid man then he pays big stupid man consequences. Hope you’re not with him any more OP, he and his family sound vile. Also a great reminder to him and his family, forever, that he missed an important family occasion because he’s an abusive asshole. Good.

IncompleteSenten · 16/07/2023 19:44

You're not still with this man who hit you are you?

It's not your fault he missed the wedding. It's his. They know he hit you and they are blaming you for what? Not hiding it? Bloody awful people.

WunWun · 16/07/2023 19:46

Who on earth are the 7% of people who voted the OP was unreasonable 😵‍💫

RightOnTheEdge · 16/07/2023 19:46

Your own mum said you shouldn't have called the police? That's so sad OP.

Of course you weren't unreasonable. Please say you didn't stay with him even though I fear that you did Sad

PinkiOcelot · 16/07/2023 19:46

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 16/07/2023 19:42

You are still together, aren't you from your update. Do you have options, as in somewhere to go?

Looks like it. Yes.

GoldDuster · 16/07/2023 19:46

He put himself in this position, due to his own behaviour. Not because you called the police.

If his mother needs to blame this on you, then let her. I'd take the fact that she thinks your horrible and won't speak to you as a result, as a blessing.

Original poster
Moonandme123 · 16/07/2023 19:46

Yes I’m still with him. It was completely out of character and has never done anything like it. I told him if it ever happened again it would be the end but he’s lovely to me. It upsets me so much because I made so much effort with his family over the years.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 16/07/2023 19:48

Is he at least defending you?
Telling them they are completely out of order because he deserved having the police called on him and that if they don't start treating you with respect he will cut them out?

LaMaG · 16/07/2023 19:48

Why did you think you'd get a flaming? I cannot see how you did anything unreasonable. I can to some extent understand MIL freaking out the night before the wedding but any reasonable person would apologise once they had the facts and contact you for support. She is condoning domestic violence, she could not be more out of order. I'm really sorry OP

AIBot · 16/07/2023 19:49

YANBU, your husband was, and his ridiculous family.

I hope your husband makes up for his shitty behaviour by vigorously defending you with his family or has gone no contact out of loyalty to you.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 16/07/2023 19:50

My own Mum said I shouldn’t have called police too

How sad. Typical and unsurprising, but sad nonetheless.

"Sorry your son spoiled the wedding by committing a crime and getting arrested. You should let him know how angry and disappointed you are in him."

UpaladderwatchingTV · 16/07/2023 19:51

I would have asked his family, if he'd attacked a bystander in the street, who had said something to upset him, and been carted off, having also been aggressive to the police, would they have blamed the bystander for his missing the wedding? Wonder how they'd have defended him then? Seems to me that you wasted your time being nice to them in the first place OP, and I certainly wouldn't be losing any sleep about them not talking to you. I'd be looking on it as a blessing, as they're obviously an unreasonable, and horrible family to have not only blamed you for his missing the wedding, but to have supported the fact that he hit you. As for your mother, I'd be going NC with her too!!

UndercoverCop · 16/07/2023 19:51

I was ready to say of course YANBU , but playing devil's advocate I guess they think how bad could it have been if you've stayed with him. I don't agree with this but a lot of people don't understand the complexities of domestic abuse.
You say things are fine now, but how can you trust he'll never hurt you again?