Prepared for a flaming! WABU?

[Moonandme123]

This is a long time coming. I often think about talking about it on here as I can’t decide if I was unreasonable. I will leave some info out so as not to out myself!
My husband was due to work as a videographer at his brothers wedding. The night before me and DH had a huge row and he hit me. I called the police and they put him in a cell overnight. I then called MIL and explained (BIL was at her house) and said it was unlikely that he would be out in time for the wedding ( he had also been aggressive to the police when arrested) so he would not be able to come to the wedding and do the filming. She shouted at me and was really nasty.
Now none of DH family speak to me as I apparently ruined the wedding. Am I being unreasonable?

Probably a generational cycle of domestic violence and minimising thereof.

@Moonandme123 you deserve better than this.

Or the two of them have form for a toxic relationship.

I’m so confused here. They stopped talking to YOU? Er, why haven’t you stopped talking to them? You are a victim of domestic abuse, you should have ran and cut contact with all of them. He was even abusive to the police which made things worse, yet you’ve got the blame. I don’t understand why you’re still with him. The fact is he hasn’t even told his family to leave you alone and told them that he was in the wrong and that they should be angry with him. He probably bitches about you behind your back to them which is fuelling their hate of you.

He didnt jsut spoil thier weeding, he spoiled your marriage the second he hit you. I suppose you staying with him makes them think it can't have been a big deal. You are undermining yourself with that.

You need to divorce this man.

I hope he's defending you. You did exactly the right thing. The only person who did anything wrong here was your husband. I hope you're ok.

Woah.
I have also suggested theres more than meets the eye but your comment about whar she did to provoke him will not go down well.

If he’s lovely I’m assuming he’s stopped contact with his family until they apologise properly for blaming you for his horrible actions? Explained he was in the wrong and he won’t stand by while they are nasty to you?

On the other hand, could be women conditioned to think that way. Cultural/religious expectations perhaps?

Older women also had to go through lots of sexism and might have grown up being told to turn a blind eye to these things.

Yes I expect your right, i expect a flaming. But when people do things that are totally out of character there is usually a reason.

You stayed with a man who hit you and then you called police to arrest him.
By staying with him you have minimised the fact he hit you. Do you usually have a tempestuous relationship?

I thi k gbe response sounds like people who are fed up of the dramatics of these two taking over everything just.for it to be fine the next day. I had neighbours like it, it was exhausting.

I still dont think one can provoke to hit though

I also find it bizarre you're more annoyed about comments about a video than at the man who hit you!

Exactly and why on earth stay with him

If people don't want to be locked up, they shouldn't commit violent crime.

And no, there is never, ever a reason for hitting someone.

It sounds to me like if your own mother, as well as the inlaws, think you were in the wrong then you probably were. What did you do to provoke him to hit you ?

@DrySherry Are you for real?

Family etc, society in general, can be a bit dire and not clued up about abuse. Doesn't mean OP was in the wrong, just that they are clueless about the issue.

You know, I had deleted my MN account, but read this thread and literally just registered again to tell you: You were dead right to call the please. Your safety is so much more important than a wedding video. I’m so sorry your relatives are a bunch of horrible creeps. Forget them.

But in saying that you don’t seem to value your own safety either by taking him back. You deserve better. Take care.

So your husband hit you, you called the police, and then his family were mad at you because he couldn't video the wedding as he had been arrested?

No. You are not unreasonable. Your husband and his family are utter wankers, and you need to run for the hills as quicky as you can.

This has me like 😧

What a gaggle of twunts! Including your mother!!

I wouldn't want to speak to them either, in fairness. If they do ever raise it to your face though I'd absolutely let them know, in no uncertain terms, that if ANY man lays hands on you, EVER, you will absolutely do the same thing and the fact that they so glibly brush aside domestic violence is frankly sickening!

It’s easier for them to blame you than to accept their brother/son is violent and committed domestic violence. You staying with him likely also minimized it in their eyes. I’d be mortified if my brother did something like this but I’d also be confused if my SIL stayed with him and if they then acted like it was no big deal after. Your husband caused extreme upset to a lot of people and basically destroyed his brothers wedding photography, which is a huge deal! This isn’t a small matter. If I was his family id be so angry at him but i would also be worried and puzzled about you continuing on with him as normal and wouldn’t want to get caught up in it all.

OP, I don’t think I said it clearly enough in my message, but the point I’m trying to make is it’s not acceptable your husband hurt you and you should leave. Your mother and his family are toxic and horrible. It is not ok what happened to you.

@DrySherry what a crock of shite you’re talking.
OP - good people don’t hit their loved ones ever. He should be an ex. When it happens again YOU CALL THE POLICE as you are completely right to do so x

So you caused all that drama and then stayed with him - maybe thats why they are pissed off ?

OP I really hope for your sake it was a one off.

Re your inlaws....I was at a boyfriends house when his sister walked in and said to the mother have you seen Julies black eye (Julie being the brothers girlfriend)...the mother replies yes but its not that bad....unbelievable

This, in essence. And he will do it again.