Struggling with DIL

[SadMil]

I have a beautiful 13 month old grand child. I’m struggling with DIL and her moods. I totally understand she may feel stressed and tired but when she and son do visit, she often doesn’t speak or is abrupt or rude.

I haven’t overstepped any boundaries, always show an interest in both her and the baby and have been nothing other than supportive.

She organised a birthday party last month and when DH & I arrived she completely ignored us, didn’t even say hello, actively dismissed.

I spoke with son and he said it’s nothing personal she was just in one of her moods.

my husband had made a personalised wooden gift which was engraved. We didn’t even receive a thank you.

Yesterday they popped in and I made a cup of tea on arrival (she always has a cup of tea). She responded with ‘oh you’ve made me tea’. Put it on the side and didn’t drink it.

I’m totally aware she made be depressed and (or) struggling with mental health issues- DS has mentioned she needs medication. It’s obviously none of my business and she clearly doesn’t want to talk about anything which I respect, but this situation is causing my husband and I to feel upset and frustrated.

This is our only grand child and she doesn’t want anything to do with us. It makes me so sad.

should I just stop initiating any contact for a while?

Are you quite alright?

The problem is that OPs husband has said he wants nothing further to do with his son's partner, the mother of his grand daughter.

He was very upset that his son didn't say anything nice about the carpentry work he did for his son's baby. He's blaming this on the baby's mother.

This stool with a Disney character is the center of the story. The money for a home is not as important as the stool.

This man's whittling with wood has not been appreciated enough and is at the heart of this family breakdown. It's more complicated than just the son impregnating a woman close to his mother's age. His dad wasn't thanked enough for his engraving.

And the cup of tea was left in the wrong place.

She was stand offish and moody but nowhere near the same extent
@Luxell934 did you miss this bit in your keenness to make the op the bad guy?

The grandfather is also pretty stand offish and moody!

It's more to do with bad manners and ingratitude. There's nothing wrong with expecting appreciation for your efforts from dil and son.

Ah okay. So the son forgot all about his dad's woodworking gift and now his dad wants nothing to do with his sons partner. That's good manners?

Surely the real problem with the lack of thanks for the gift is that although the son thanked them at the time, this was before he knew what the gift was - therefore neither the son nor the DIL has acknowledged the thought, care and effort that went into the gift. I agree it’s fair to expect some gratitude for a gift like that but the son is equally culpable if the real issue is the non-acknowledgement of how special the gift was.

Maybe they just think it's a shit gift? Maybe it's Disney pink and princessy and they don't want their DD indoctrinated with the whole 'girls like pink, boys like blue' message and the PILs know that but ignored it? They are allowed to not like the gift.

And you continue to pick those 2 issues like that’s all and ignore the huge flag of her IGNORING her in laws who come to her event. But but but Disney stool and tea boohoooooo

Yes I do. As I said, you're a CF who thinks it's ok to treat people like shit and then take their money. Shame on you. You can dress it up as "comprehension" bullshit all you like.😂

But but but Disney stool and tea boohoooooo

I agree with you there. The GPs are lacking in emotional intelligence getting so upset over these little things.

But but but Disney stool and tea boohoooooo I think you hit the nail on the head.

Angry? Yes he did. Why are people commenting on things when they've clearly not RTFT? What part of my comment there is angry? Seriously, stop making stuff up, you've made stuff up a few times through the thread.

You initially said but why was OP not annoyed at her son’s lack of manners? He didn’t thank his dad either!

When it was pointed out to you that the son DID thank him, you're now changing it to the son said thank you when his dad handed him the unopened gift and the son placed it in the gift table but you say I don't understand your post?😂😂

You’ve changed your tune from a recent post you made. Or maybe you’re just trolling

I still think you should thank someone for something even if you don’t like it, particularly if someone spent ages making it for you.

I also that think if you aren’t thanked for something, saying you want no more to do with the person not doing the thanking is not a remotely proportionate reaction.

But the point I was trying to make was that whatever the reason for the lack of a thank you, it makes no sense at all to blame your child’s partner more than your own child.

Have you been googling things not to say to pregnant women there OP?

It's too late.

You lose your argument when you have to trawl old posts to bolster it.

Don't worry about me OP, I haven't just told my son to get lost over a cup of tea!

Jesus. Showing your true colours now.

Anklespraying - You really have gone to a lot of trouble to slate me yet you don’t sound too sympathetic to others yourself

Because she sounds like a misogynistic woman who can’t respond appropriately to anyone who has a different POV (literally has called someone a 12 year old). She just sounds bitter and antiquated. A lot of her issues are just silly - the tea thing, why didn’t she ask before making it if it’s such a big deal? The present thing, her son could’ve sent a thank you message why is she more focused on the partner? It’s all very silly and I imagine very tiring in real life 🥱

It’s not really about winning or losing- maybe it is to you?

Exactly as I thought. You can't. "Continue to attack me". Grow up. If you can't cope with someone calling you out when you haven't bothered to even read all the OPs comments then you make a comment that is untrue, then cry victim and "I'm being attacked"...it's not me who's pathetic. The irony.

Oh I agree with your last two points. If my DP thanked his mum for giving our DD a gift, she wouldn't expect me to say thank you as well and certainly wouldn't hold it against me and use it to precipitate a massive falling out.

She doesn't want you to listen to her health issues does she. Your son told you that this morning.

They both think it's non of your business.

You however, tell people she's diagnosed with a serious mental health condition and then whine about about tiny inconsequential incidents for sympathy.