Is there anyone who hasn't found having children that bad?

[Addictedtocinammonrolls]

I'm 32, all I hear is how people regret it, how hard it is, they haven't slept well in years, their looks and figure are ruined, finances and relationships ruined and so on .
I am really on the fence about it. If I were to have any I'd only ever have one I think.. I like my current life, I just really don't know. I'm not expecting it to be a piece of cake but so many people seem to regret it.

Most people I know most definitely do not regret it. Yes you're wrecked, your own standards lower and you lose all the things you felt made you 'you', the biggest one to me being time, but you just gain. My friends and family used to tell me if they were helping out with the kids I should go off on my own etc etc, but I loved being around the kids, all I really wanted was a nap and a shower and then was totally up for getting back to them whereas they were saying 'would you not like to go stay in a hotel or go out etc' and the ones without children didn't get that but your priorities do a full turn!

I remember a friend saying she didn't feel she could give up all of her little luxuries in life. Now, with two children and definitely not looking as she did before she seems more content, more relaxed and I've seen her properly let herself go (playing chasing and hide and go seek with the docs). (plus she's still epic at finding bargains and looks and looks after herself a million times better than me!!!

I have four kids. They are my absolute everything, although now the eldest is 15 I'm learning more about me again, am back to work, have more time for hobbies and reading etc. There are people who have children and can't get over the things that have changed in their lives. I think equally if you choose not to have children you will still feel as content with your life. It's each to their own.

Having children is the best thing I ever did. I haven’t regretted it for a moment. It’s not easy of course but nothing worthwhile and rewarding is. They’re hilarious, kind and interesting. I look at them every day and feel wonder that they’re here and I made them. They’re teens now and it’s not always been plain sailing but I can’t imagine a life where I chose not to have them - almost makes me frightened to think of that world even though I obvs wouldn’t have known what I was missing.

Oh and I am single parent too and have been since they were 5 & 2. I’d rather be with my children than any other person in the world. Like a previous poster I never really wanted breaks from them either. I never got many offers of help but even when I did in ever really wanted to be away from them.

Everyone is different but I can honestly say, I don't regret it!

We only have one child- our son who is now 9. I did find the baby stage (0-18 months) hard to be honest. It's a massive adjustment and he wasn't a particularly easy baby.

Since then though, I have loved it! He is 9 now and so much fun. He is also very easy going. We are due to go to Austria in August and he is so looking forward to exploring a new place as are we. Being able to see him discover the world is amazing.

All that said, if you aren't sure, leave it 6 months and think again.

It's hard yes but I absolutely do not regret it. You always hear the hard bits as people tend to complain more but there are so many good bits too. I honestly think I'd be bored otherwise. I secretly enjoy the chaos.

I wouldn't do it unless I desperately wanted to. I have been maternal since I was about 10! I always knew I wanted to be a mum and I do love it most of the time but I have very very little support my husband works away M-F and my mum passed away 5 weeks before I. Had my first. It's not been how I thought it would be x

I have a colleague who lives for holidays and bangs on constantly about how great it is to have no kids and being able to go on these exotic very adult focused holidays, that I currently cannot. I nod and smile. There are aspects of my childfree life that I miss but they add more than they take and the years when they are little are short.

I’ve had three and mostly loved it. I’m 56 though and I do think people tend to overthink everything now. It seems as though people aren’t prepared to have their lives significantly changed. It’s also the case that when I had mine childcare/house prices were reasonable and those are huge pressures on people now. We were able to buy a four bedroom house in London on one salary and I took 2 years out after DD1. I always knew I wanted children so had my first at 29 - young for my peer group.

Also, of course you do have to put adult-focus holidays on the side, but having children has never stopped me from living for my holidays, it's the best time for us. You just do things a bit differently so everyone has a great time.

Most of us actually LIKE to spend time with our kids too, she doesn't know what she's missing 😂.

I don't think anyone should have children or miss anything by not having children, we all have different interests and priorities. What the annoying people like your colleague forget, the ones trying to put down parents while they are child-free, they forget that we KNOW what life is child free. Been there, done that 😂. Clearly wasn't OUR choice to keep at it.

I didn't enjoy the first few years of parenting but as soon as I dropped the deadweight that was my exH, I came to absolutely love it.

I think your comments might get deleted from MN if you did. There seems to be a concerted effort by some to make out having a family isn’t a wonderful thing. Being childless has been rebranded as being ‘child free’, as though having children is some kind of bind or prison sentence.

When my kids were young a lot of friends without children would think they were doing me a favour by separating me from my kids (so DH would be on his own with them) for some sort of social event in the evening. It just felt weird and although I could have a laugh and some interesting conversations, I’d still rather have spent time with my family. There’s a stereotype that all mum’s are desperate to get away from their kids and pretty much no publicity for the mums who want to be with their kids, find separation painful, and are instead just a bit sad it can’t be forever because they will fly the nest eventually.

It was sometimes really hard when they were small because I was new to the area and had no support network, so I couldn’t just ‘quickly pop and do’ anything. It was a shock to the system to be essentially ‘at work’ 24 hours a day when they were tiny, but it was still the most wonderful, deeply satisfying, purposeful, joyful and amazing thing ever to happen to me.

I was really shocked at the treatment of the OP who wrote in the parenting board about how great it is to have kids, who was then subjected to an aggressive and really nasty pile-on from a lot of people claiming to be “child free” (on the parenting board remember), and then the thread got pulled.

So it’s clearly verboten to even be a smug bore about it here.

I don't regret it one bit. Genuinely love my kids and being with them. Yes I find bits tough but have never regretted my decision.

Context wise I think its relevant that I still work so get some time away, have a high income so dont have financial constraints some find themselves in with kids and I do have family close by who help with childcare keeping nursery costs down.

Being childless has been rebranded as being ‘child free’

you are being unfair here.

Too often, not having children was seen as "not being able to". SOME people still look down at woman as if they are faulty or weird because there's no baby around. "less' has a ridiculous negative connotation.

It's ironic, because once you are a mum, your fall down the career ladder and are dismissed as a non-important element 😂

Having children is not a life goal for everybody, it's not a need for everybody and women are no less of a women because they haven't given birth.
So being child-free is a good way to describe someone who is.. child FREE.

It's ironic, because once you are a mum, your fall down the career ladder and are dismissed as a non-important element 😂

But still more important than the childless/free women who have to cover your child related absences and who are below you in the pecking order when it comes to working Christmas etc.

@TheBeesKnee I found this comment really interesting, can you explain what you mean? Are you speaking from experience?
I've been on the pill more than half my adult life now and have often wondered if it has impacted how I think about things like this.

That wasn't my experience before I had children, you need to learn to stand up for yourself.

At least the mums are there at work to cover the hungover related absences on Mondays and Fridays of the childless elements, goes both ways doesn't it.

Being a mum is by the far the best and most meaningful experience of my life so far. It’s tough some days, and tiring, even when they do sleep. But the joy, and the love, is just unparalleled.

However, sleep training doesn’t always work. You can read all the Gina Ford you like. Some babies are just better at sleeping than others, and it’s the luck of the draw. But comparatively it is a very short period, and it is absolutely worth it.

I can honestly say - and I don't care how cheesy this sounds ... having children is the best thing that's ever happened in my life... I love the bones of my husband but I love my children even more. I would die for them - literally would take a bullet for them ... again don't care how cheesy that sounds.

They are just over a year apart, and the first one of two years were a little bit difficult with sleepless nights, shitty nappies, bedtime accidents, having to get up at 6:00 AM every day till they were about 2 and a half to three, and trying to juggle work and caring for older family members. (I worked 28 hours a week at the time.) They were good babies/toddlers, but it was still quite hard work. Got lots of love and cuddles and fun back from them though, so totally worth it!

From about the age of three or four to about 15-16 it was just the best years of my life ... I went very part time when they were was 6 and 7 - for ten years - like just 16 hours a week, and had the best time... day trips, picnics, beach days, holidays, painting and baking and crafting days, cinema and theatre trips, and had just the most wonderful life with them. (Sometimes me and DH and the two of them would do stuff, sometimes just me and them, and sometimes just me and one of them... Me and DH did stuff alone too occasionally...)

Age 16 arrived... The college years and early uni years .. They were a bit difficult at times. because they were both very defiant and they wanted to do things they were too young to do. They were just little shits to be honest with you 😆 But once they reached the age 20-21 they became their normal non-teen selves! Both in their late 20s now - they've just become the most wonderful amazing young adults and they're just golden ...I absolutely love them so much I could cry.

Once again I don't care how cheesy that sounds 😆

As quite a few posters have said though - if you're not sure - and you're on the fence then don't do it, and you definitely can't do it unless both partners are on board. Me and my husband were in our early 30s, when we had ours and we'd been married for several years. We both desperately wanted kids almost at the same time - it was really strange ...

When we got married we didn't say no kids ever, but we weren't that fussed. Didn't have any plans for any age to have them ... Then several years into the marriage I was knocking the door of 30, and I said to DH 'you know what - I'm getting kind of broody - what's that about?!' DH said 'so am I - how weird is that?!' It was perfect timing. I came off the pill and was pregnant with our first within 3 months.

As I - and many others have said though @Addictedtocinammonrolls you do have to be absolutely sure. And so does your partner.

The people l enjoy spending my time with most in the whole world is my children. I have zero regrets.

They were adorable as babies, toddlers and school kids. No massive issues as teens, and now as adults are amazing. Fun, friendly, politically aware. They both make me cry with laughter.

I’m only a year in. But I was on the fence and I’m so bloody happy I did it. It’s hard, but in my experience that’s precisely what stops is being boring. Intellectually I wish I had more time to myself and a lot more sleep. But opening up a wholly new side of my head and heart to love another human being in the way I do is beyond words.

😆 Aww, lovely post,. 😍 My 2 make me howl with laughter too.. They are much funnier than me, and smarter!

You can find something hard work but not regret it. Some things that are hard work are worth doing. I found having a baby and toddler incredibly hard as dd2 was a terrible sleeper. They were still lovely and fun though. I've found it easier the older they've grown and they are great teenagers at 16 and 19. No regrets.

They do like my money though🙄

We’ll have to disagree on that. I know many people who would dearly love to be parents and feel something akin to grief about the children they’ve not had - they don’t think “Whoop-ee-do I’m child free! I managed to swerve that bind!”, they are thinking “I feel like there’s a massive hole in my heart and I’m sensitive about it. It is a struggle to congratulate new parents because it hurts so much”. I am not making this up. I know it and I usually keep quiet about how happy parenthood makes me so that I don’t unnecessarily hurt these people. People going on about “child free” on a parenting board isn’t just offensive to those who are parents, reframing their joy as a prison sentence, it’s offensive to those people without children, desperately TTC, hoping to see that blue line as though they are fools wanting to live a life of bondage, and offensive to those who are unable to conceive and feel aggrieved by it, want to recognise that grief and process it and not be subjected to all this insensitive cheerleading by those who choose different.

I was really shocked at the treatment of the OP who wrote in the parenting board about how great it is to have kids, who was then subjected to an aggressive and really nasty pile-on from a lot of people claiming to be “child free” (on the parenting board remember), and then the thread got pulled.

I’m sorry about that but don’t recall the thread. When threads appear on Active/Trending it doesn’t show what board they are on. We get parents posting on the Childfree Board too not realising where they are.