Is there anyone who hasn't found having children that bad?

[Addictedtocinammonrolls]

I'm 32, all I hear is how people regret it, how hard it is, they haven't slept well in years, their looks and figure are ruined, finances and relationships ruined and so on .
I am really on the fence about it. If I were to have any I'd only ever have one I think.. I like my current life, I just really don't know. I'm not expecting it to be a piece of cake but so many people seem to regret it.

My ds was so, so wanted by myself and dh. He's our world and at 17 is, a wonderful kind and funny boy. He makes us so proud to be his parents. He's never given us one moment of trouble. We have always had a very close relationship and got on so well. I can't imagine life with him. Having a child is a gift and a privilege.

I’ve got 3 kids including 2 teens (oldest nearly 30) and I’ve been a parent since I was 16. I’ve not found it massively hard, even though I’ve done most of it alone with a serious health issue for the last 12yrs. My teens are so well behaved it’s untrue. My middle child (boy) has never caused me a date trouble since he was around 1 (he was a hard baby as he vomited a lot, later found to be cows milk allergy). My teens would never be rude to be, I’m a relaxed parent but expect respect. I’m very close to my eldest and we holiday together a lot. So for me it’s been a pleasure, but don’t under estimate the sacrifice a mother makes, not on her body but on her time. I’m finally starting to be able to do my own thing, and I’ve never had that in my adult life. Your life isn’t your own to do what you like when you’re a parent. But is the sacrifice worth it, a millions times over in my experience. Wouldn’t change any of my kids for the world. Kids aren’t all bad, even teens. Appreciate I’ve probably been very lucky, I’m certainly not claiming to be some super parent by the way!

Mine are teenagers now. No one I know regrets having their children. No one has ever said that to me. I always longed for children. I remember a particular moment at home with ds1 as a baby. I was standing with him at the window watching the rain outside. A feeling of complete fulfilment and bliss washed over me. My children are the greatest gift life has blessed me with. I expected it to be challenging at times but those challenges are far outweighed by the joy of motherhood for me.

The best moment in parenting is when you don't have to get up with them in the morning. That's what we should be celebrating!! I went out last night dancing and slept in as long as i wanted. Spent most of the day watching TV and snacking while kids worked on art projects and baked a cake. I thought these days would never return but here we are.

My 1st was a sleep nightmare and I thought some days I would drop dead, it was a tough time. I had twins then and have often thought if I had had either first it would have been a breeze, so you never know. Now i think of those early years as the gruelling apprenticeship or college course for the job you want for life. Except every day even on the worst days there are moments of joy. I think that's the unquantifiable part when you try to decide logically, the joy that your baby or child brings can't really be compared to anything else.

@Addictedtocinammonrolls

It's the lack of sleep I'm worried about, I am too scared to not have proper sleep for years.

Just do a routine from the start.

I wasn't on MN when mine were little thank goodness. I did Gina Ford & bottle fed. It's really unpopular on here. But I liked having a schedule for the day & managed to get lunch time naps and full nights sleep early on. Yes it was busy and juggling teaching and babies/toddlers is hard work. But it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I expected.

I think this is a personal thing and in lots of ways not very rational!

I had kids because I felt like the only reason I didn't want them was that I was afraid of how I'd cope.

And not doing something because I was afraid felt like choosing not to live.

I'm finding the teenage stage really hard - but I'm glad I decided to take the plunge.

I don't know one parent who regrets having children. It's very, very hard at times but it's genuinely the best thing I've ever done with my life, bar none.

I desperately wanted children. I don’t regret it and I love my children deeply and whole heartedly.

One of my kids is autistic and it’s much more difficult than I imagined. I was youngish so no specific risk factors. My other child is neurotypical and is frankly a breeze to parent.
There is a lot more luck to your parenting experience than I realised. I thought because I was a teacher I would have it all sorted and together. But no amount of great parenting stops my child from having an autistic meltdown or makes him able to cope in school or make friends.

Hand on heart though, I would do it all again rather than not have them. I do wish my child didn’t suffer so much though. It’s the most difficult thing to watch your child in pain (physical or emotional).

HNRTFT but I can honestly say that my children are brilliant human beings and the early years were fun and all my friends had children at the same time . The joy I get from them as adults are so worth being a Mum .
Cannot imagine my life without them . Definitely the older they get the more you tend to worry about them 🤦‍♀️

If some people can make a living by being a night nanny, then there must be enough demand don't you think?

If you can't afford a child but decide to have one anyway, then complain for the next 20 years because you don't earn enough during maternity leave, because they cost money, you have to pay to feed them, you have to buy uniforms.. you are an idiot frankly.

I've loved being a mum. My kids are awesome and I've thoroughly enjoyed it all. They are teens now and of course they can be a pain in the arse at times but for the most part they are funny, intelligent and really great company. Dd has just been in bed beside me for the past hour telling me all of her latest friendship gossip and she cracks me up. I would give the experience 10/10.

I don’t know anyone who regrets it, which doesn’t mean they don’t find it hard sometimes.

I think there’s been 2 related cultural shifts recently;

1. It’s more socially acceptable for people to decide not to have children

1. It’s more socially acceptable to be real about how much stress having kids can put on your body/social life/relationship/sleep/career/etc. A good thing (I think) because it prepares others for the reality - and helps people who are on the fence realise how they feel.

I think in parent groups there’s a general understanding that the complaining/venting isn’t regret’ about having children.. it’s more about seeking support or showing solidarity, and sometimes about bonding.

FWIW I would run through a burning building for my child, and love them more than anyone on the planet.

Just to add to the above - people sometimes don’t talk so much about the great parts at the risk of sound smug or ‘that parent’ as it’s known

I love it, there are hard times but the good times make up for it. Mine sleep through the night though so sleep was only impacted for the first few months.

I'm a sahm with 2 dc and I'm pretty happy. DH earns well and we have investments so no financial concerns, and he pulls his weight with the dc and house so that makes a big difference. Never works away and always home by 5.30pm to have dinner and help with bath and bed. Youngest dc doesn't sleep well still but I'm not feeling too sleep deprived, DH and I take turns getting up, and I think I've always managed on less than average sleep pre-dc so just don't need as much.

I'm not quite sociable person so don't find it lonely and I genuinely love spending days with my toddler. It's a joy to see her develop, learn about the world and how to communicate.

Had 2 c-sections and pg was pretty easy and I've had no lasting impact from childbirth. I'm still bfing my 14m old which has helped my weight drop with not much effort, and the hormonal effects help with bonding which helps me tolerate the more difficult moments. Had a 3 y age gap so not too close and minimised the amount of time I'm dealing with 2 dc solo (as dc1 was at nursery when dc2 was born, and is now at school).

My only regret is not having another one but I'm almost 40 and it's probably a bit late now. But I can honestly say I've loved rasing children. Both mine have ADHD so it's definitely been hard at times but they're growing into such wonderful men and have brought so much happiness and love into my life. I'd go back and do it all over again in a heart beat.

I don’t regret having a child. Yes it is hard work and I’m doing it on my own, and currently have a poor sleeper. however the good stuff massively, massively outweighs the hard stuff in my book. I love him so much.

sleep deprivation - yeah it’s shit but it’s (most of time) a relatively short period of time in your life. You do adapt as well. I was worried about sleep deprivation but honestly when I look back at this time I already feel like the lack of sleep is going to be a non event.

Frankly, people like to moan, it's just our culture. Ohhh, the weather, the mother in law, the kids...

Think about it, no one would ever have more than one child if they were so bad, would they

Yes they're tiring. Yes they're expensive. Yes they are a pain in the arse. Yes you have days when you could throttle the little buggers.

And all of this, means nothing balanced against the positives of having children.

I have 3. If I was ten years younger, I'd have another 3.

Really? I can’t say I’ve ever heard one person say they regret their children. If it’s so bad why most have more than one?
I mostly hear people say it’s hard but they best thing they have ever done.

My 6yo son has complex needs - ASD, ADHD, attachment disorder, global developmental delay, speech disorder and FASD.

We are currently snuggled up on the sofa watching Ninja Turtle cartoons and eating banana bread whilst he tells me I’m the best baker in the world (I’m not, this banana bread is spectacularly dry) and how I’m his best friend.

I wouldn’t change being his mum for the world 🥰 for me the hard parts of parenting are advocating for him and ensuring he gets the support he needs. The day to day can be monotonous at times but I really really love it.

I actually don’t know anyone who has said they actually ‘regret’ having their children.

Yes, sleepless nights.. and the nights they do sleep you miss them (sometimes)

I think there’s a certain expectation that you’re never allowed to fully enjoy parenting. Almost like it’s frowned upon.. so everyone says the same thing “don’t have children, god don’t do it. You’ll never sleep again, it’s awful, where has my life gone, what I’d give to go back to X years old before having kids”

Life changes after children, it really changes. Your decisions are based around your children, your thoughts, your plans, you life’s priorities change overnight the second your baby is born. But that’s where you need to decide if having children is for you.

You can still travel, with your children now. Or you travel when they’re older.

You can still have a career, you just need to plan childcare and wangle home>work life.

There are lots of negative cliches, but they’re only true if you make them true.

I love being a parent, it’s hard work and they test your patience. But I never for a second have regretted becoming a parent. They have added so much more purpose to my life, but purpose I didn’t think I really needed before having them?

No-one can convince you to higher or not to have children. I can absolutely see the appeal in not having them, I was adamant I wouldn’t want them from my early teens up until about 20, then decided I did.. now I do😂

All my friends and family are generally positive about having kids, obviously hard as well. I’m surprised by the negativity on here. I think you do have to make the effort with your relationship, considering (god forbid) some level of sleep training, generally chill out and go with the flow.

I don't regret it at all and haven't found it particularly hard tbh. Mine are 15 and about to turn 18 and are great company and have been pretty unproblematic throughout. I was also pretty lucky that mine both slept through from about 3 months though.

I love being a mum. I might moan /joke about aspects of it but that doesn't mean I don't love it.

Exactly that. I think my children are awesome but I would probably come across as a smug bore if I went on about it